[ComfortablyNumb5]

So I'll try to make it quick. Basically I fell into a really deep depression about 6 months ago and completely let my house go. I'm talking trash on counters, old food in fridge, laundry piled up. And by the time I snapped out of it, I looked around and decided I need help with this place. Keep in mind, my bf lives with me. He left his garbage where I left mine. It's like because I lost my mind, he felt it ok to treat the house the same. But whatever.

Now, he has two young kids that have never been to my house because their mother (his ex wife) hates me but now that the divorce is final and custody arrangements have been made, she has no say. So we really want the kids to stay with us and not at his moms (his one son lives there because of school). Well we are in the process of making the house child friendly and cleaning. At least I have. There's things I need help with like our broken faucets, plugged sink (his hair!), and light bulbs that require a ladder to change. Well I thought this whole time that he was going to help me with this. He also has his large cockatoo in the living room that throws her food everywhere. I havNt touched that yet because I feel like he should help. It's his messy *** bird. I even cleaned up his pile of garbage he leaves next to the bed!

Well there's still stuff that needs to be done so yesterday I said "when's your next day off so you can help?" He looked at me like I was stupid and said "do you come to work with me and help me do my job? No so the cleaning is up to you". I was shocked. Absolutely pissed. Now I feel like he must not want his kids here THAT bad if he won't even help.

I'm still pissed and not even talking to him right now. I know a lot of families have a stay at home mom that is expected to do it all but they aren't MI. I was a basket case for 6 months and it's not just that I need help. I need motivation.

Then that brought up me being unable to work which was a whole new can of worms.

Do I have a right to be pissed? I admit I was lazy and didn't care for 6 months but all I and for was a little help.

Dx: BP2, PTSD, bulimia/anorexia
Seroquel 300mgs
Lamictal titrating at 75mgs
Buspar 45mgs
Ativan 1mg PRN
Vyvance 50mg PRN

[iwonderaboutstuff]

I'd be pissed if I got a response like that. I can also understand his response given your phrasing.

Perhaps paying someone to come in one time and help you get everything back to where it should be is something to consider. Having everything clean and organized always does wonders for my mental health and I find it's much easier to maintain what's already done, then to make it so.

Do I have a right to be pissed?

Absolutely! First, let me say that it's terrific that you're feeling better and able and motivated to get things back to a livable state.

But I do not see why your boyfriend expects you to do all the work to get the place ready for his children. (If that is what he expects.) Maybe he's okay with it being messy?

I also don't see the logic of expecting the person who isn't working to do 100% of the household tasks. If there are things that you need help with, I think you're completely right to ask him to help.

I also think that if the cockatoo is his pet, then he should take care of it. If you end up bonding with the cockatoo and want to care for it, that's great, but I don't see that as "housework".

It sounds like the two of you need to have a discussion about how to split up the household tasks. Not fun, but it would help to make a list of responsibilities.

It would also be good to discuss what he thinks needs to be done before the children come to stay with you, because that's another subject that you'll both need to agree about.

He may be expecting that you are going to do all the cooking, cleaning, laundry, and entertaining when his children come over to visit.

If those conversations go really badly, then couples counseling might be a good idea.

Hugs.

[ComfortablyNumb5]

UPDATE: he came home and we faught about it. He's angrily shoving stuff in trash bags. This was after he said "you blame depression when it was you being lazy". Oh and he also said he thinks my bipolar is a lie I use to get out of things. That moment he said that, it was the moment I saw a completely different man. And I didn't like it.

Dx: BP2, PTSD, bulimia/anorexia
Seroquel 300mgs
Lamictal titrating at 75mgs
Buspar 45mgs
Ativan 1mg PRN
Vyvance 50mg PRN

[divine1966]

I am sorry he is rude and am glad u feeling better. Normally I'd say if the person doesn't work then the person dies household chores. If there are no kids in the house then being home all day normally would result in doing all household chores. Otherwise what else there is to do all day? But that's different in your case because you are struggling with depression. Have you talked to your doctor ? Do your meds need to be adjusted? 6 months is s long time. It must be tough. And none of it should be an excuse for your BF being mean and rude! Accusing you of a lie isn't cool

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