My former mother-in-law is gravely ill. I am the closest thing she has to family in the city. I felt it behooved me to pay her a visit and have been up several times. She brightened up each time she saw me and the nurses thanked me for coming by. Her daughter after a week finally came to see her. I sensed a great deal of hostility from my ex sister-in-law for being there.

Look, whatever happened between your brother and I is between the two of us. How do you think I found out mum was hospitalized in the first place?

The daughter is only up for the day and my former brother-in-law won't be intown for another week. I'd like to visit again but am unsure.

[Little Lulu]

If it feels right, then visit. Your visit is between you and your ex-MIL and should be of no concern to anyone else. Maybe you can try to plan your visits so that you and your MIL don't have to deal with other family members and really enjoy your time together. Blessings to you for taking the time to visit her and bring her some happiness.

thx. I am going to hold off until Monday before heading back up there. That will give her and her daughter time with each other. I also shouldn't step on toes that way.

I just feel this whole situation is messed up. My ex is out of the country so he has an excuse but for his sister to wait a week before making the trip (2 1/2 hrs away) and his brother 2wks (5 1/2hrs away) is frankly offensive. Mum is touch and go. I can't fathom why neither of them weren't immediately on their way here.

[divine1966]

I am close to my ex MIL. Certainly if she is ill I would be visiting. If you two are close then visit. I don't see it is a problem

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[Rose76]

It's good of you to be supportive of your MIL, despite the fact you are ni longer married to her son. If she is someone you care for, then that is all that is important. It doesn't sound like her own kids are the most caring people. Avoid them as best ypu can, but be true to the concern you feel for your ex-MIL. They will try and distort your intentions, but don't worry about that. Avoid any unpleasant interaction with the son and daughter, as this would just be upsetting for their ill mum.

[ChipperMonkey]

I think its good that you're visiting her! I understand why there may be some animosity between you and your ex-SIL, but what matters is that you're there for this woman while she is very ill. I think it speaks volumes that the nurses are thanking you so much for coming. I agree that its a good idea to hold off on visiting so that your ex-SIL can visit her mother, but after that, I think you should go back to see your ex-MIL. It sounds like she enjoys having you there.

[SilverNeurotic]

My aunt was best friends with her daughter's ex MIL, and I had a cousin (deceased) who's ex husband still remains on good terms with my family so that his kids still stay involved. He even came to my wedding with my cousin.

It can be tricky to stay involved but if you can, it can be rewarding.

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thx everyone. I have thought more about this. It made me feel good to visit her and brighten up her difficult days. Why should someone take that moment away from either of us. More importantly why should I allow someone else to make me feel ill at ease when I am doing something that feels so right. So, come this week I will make another trip to see her and to the hell with my ex sister-in-law. Someone needs to be there for this old gal - it might as will be me.