any advice?

Well you asked for advice. You said blame is shifted on you now. Well everyone is pretty much telling you that you are living with abuser. Sure he might not be swinging things above your head right now, but he is an abuser. And shifting blame is also typical for abuser. You don't like what people advised, but what did you think people would tell you?

I don't think it matters if he is ex husband or actual husband. You said you are in a relationship with him. In fact the fact that you are staying with him when you really are under no legal obligation to do so makes it worse.

I am really sorry you were abused in such fashion but unless you are willing to address it, nothing is ever going to change. I am glad you are in therapy and hopefully your t can help you so you can learn to love yourself.

As about living on the streets. There are more alternatives out there than living with abusers and living on the streets. I know a lot of single people, some were never married and many people have no family and friends. No one lives on the streets. Maybe your therapist can help you locate resources.

Same as other posters I'll bow out. I hope you get help and find strength to live a happy life you deserve. Best wishes

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Only one other poster has bowed out - no need to attempt to make it seem more than it is. I really don't care if you approve of my life choices - I don't live my life to impress you or anyone else nor to make anyone other than myself happy with my life. Whether or not you feel he can change doesn't matter either - you are not a therapist that has knowledge relating to him or myself or our relationship. As to him blaming me - if you look, this thread started awhile back n I said there was a lot of stress going on back then. Even on non-abusive relationships false blame gets passed under high stress. As to what is or is not available to women without money and no place to go - it depends on the area you are in, unless you know my location coming at me about what I tell you to be the facts in my location is the same as telling me I am lying. Would you like it if I assume you lie about the facts in your life just to make my assumption of your life seem more accurate? As to what I expected when I wrote this post - I expected that people would pay attention to what I stated to be fact and not presume to know the facts better and argue with me, I expected support rather than be persecuted because you don't agree with a life choice I made for MY life, yes - it is my life - I don't need to ask approval to make decisions. I know that I am a worthwhile person that has nothing to do with a man in the moon here. Yes I am back in a relationship with him but not because I don't love myself - but because I have decided we both deserve another chance. We both hurt each other. He abused me yes, I cheated on him. That didn't give him the right to abuse me no, but it does give reason for both of us to need to earn back trust from one another. We each defined what is n is not acceptable n how we will handle things when we decided to do this. We did not go into this with blinders on - but we do love one another. Both of us have mental health issues n it has been very hard for us to get good help so we are doing the best we can atm. There is a lot here nobody has considered. Just because it is not the "normal" case doesn't mean it can't be real. We have been together again now 9mo- n only this past month when it got really stressful did I experience any really worrying times. That says a lot to me about his efforts.

I am sorry you feel so very upset. By bowing out I meant no one is replying anymore, not anyone in particular. I didn't observe anyone arguing with you at all, just answering your questions and giving you advice, which I thought ( perhaps mistakenly) you asked for.

Perhaps I misunderstood your original question and things are going well in your life and he isn't an abuser and all is well. Maybe I misread.

If things are not that bad then nothing to be upset about, enjoy holiday season. I am off for last minute shopping. Wish you the best, good health and happy life! Happy New Year!

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Most threads go on for a couple days or weeks and then come to an end - except the ones that are purposely set up to be on-going (like the games and etc). This one is an old thread that just happened to b commented on again by someone n I responded - after that ppl started arguing with me over what it is my life is n has been. Thank you for the holiday wishes, I hope you have a great holiday as well. Take care.