Tired Of Every Problem In My Marriage Being Blamed On My "Problems"

Time for a yard sale.

It would seem so, but these are things that are worth more than a person could get from a yard sale. Need the money, and don't want to give then away.

Keep in one of those storages you can rent. Not that expensive

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Good idea, but I'm afraid we would have to rent a whole building of storage units.

Hello, horselover,

We love our spouses because of most things, but in spite of some.

That is totally true.

Sounds like an unspoken agreement, you can complain, you can argue etc, he can not respond, or complain, so---in the end somehow you seem a "problem" and he just goes along doing his thing & expects it to continue as is.
If that is good enough, then it is good enough.

Well, I don't think I ever agreed to that. And I don't think he sees me as a problem, either. Mostly he goes on doing things like he does because I'm the kind of person that is willing to put up with a lot from somebody that I love. Within reason, that is.

It seems that nothing that people suggested is going to work. Then you would continue living like this if nothing can be done

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Well, I don't think anything can be done unless I get to a point of being strong enough to insist that our house gets straightened out.

I'm puzzled as to why something so simple as discussing mutual living space is something one needs to have strength for.


IMO it seems like you're down playing your husband's behaviour, but I wont presume to know why.


It could be because you don't want us judging him harshly and wish to protect him from faceless strangers on the internet, or it could be because you're not comfortable with the truth of your husband.


Either way, only you know and only you can deal with it accordingly. I suggest you take the time to be real with yourself and acknowledge why something that would be a non issue in any other marriage, is something you cannot even calmly discuss with your husband.


Not to share here, but for your benefit, to help you decide on a way forward.


We really can't help if there is no willingness to change your situation, unless of course you just need a sympathetic ear or two, that we can certainly provide, but its best to state that upfront so as not to receive so much unsolicited advice.


I hope your situation gets resolved soon.

First of all, I'm not sure that this would be a non issue in ANY OTHER MARRIAGE. In every marriage there are issues that the two partners do not agree on. Each person is an individual, and has their own way of living their life. Marriage is not easy, and requires a lot of compromise. I would not be with him for 24 years if we were not able to do that.

My husband is not perfect, but he is a very good person. He is also extremely busy, part of which as taking care of MY Mother. Something very few SIN's would be willing to do. For him, doing everything in our house that needs to be done in the time that he has is not possible. So my complaints are nothing but stressful for him. He knows things aren't ideal, but feels he is doing all he can do. And I know that feeling well.

Ok, I have nooooo idea why you felt the need to just go off at me, but I'm willing to give you the benefit of the doubt and assume its because you somehow misunderstood me.


My comment about a "non issue in any marriage" was directed at the fact that your living space looks like a mechanic's workshop and you can't even talk about it, whereas any other couple, probably wouldn't have car parts in their lounge, because... Logic, or would have a calm discussion and move the parts to somewhere more appropriate. Voila problem solved.


Instead you describe this huge uphill battle that you will need to build courage and strength for, especially since he will start moving your things and God knows what else if you move his stuff of your own volition...


I trust that I have made myself crystal clear, no need to go on the defense because I was certainly not attacking you.


You may want to ponder on why you feel attacked anytime someone says something unfavourable about your hubby / marriage. I have a strong feeling it can help you in future situations such as these.


Go well, I will bow out gently now as it is clear that we will not be seeing eye to eye nor gently disagreeing.


Everything of the best

Not sure why my explaining the situation would upset you.

I am really confused on the whole thing.

You first posted that you are unhappy but then as people started to give you suggestions you pretty much became upset and somewhat agitated.

Trust me other people, married or single, don't live with car parts in a living room, no one does. I work two jobs that adds to 70 hours a week and my living and dining room have appropriate things in there such as furniture books decoration etc so is everyone else's I know.

if you are ok with living like that it's fine but then I do not understand this thread. But if you aren't ok then why are you upset with people making suggestions? If you don't want any help them what's this about? What type of help do you seek?

I bow out as well and wish you the best in your marriage

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I believe I explained a while back that I started this thread when I was upset, didn't word it properly, etc. I appreciate people trying to help, but let's just forget the whole thing at this point.

You make perfect sense to me arabianhorselover.

I don't understand the need of others to say cruel words. They should just keep that to themselves and their T's or Pdoc's or whoever.

You did not deserve to be attacked. You had a problem, you posted it. You defended your husband, as every loving wife would have. It is a rare instinct that only some of us married folk understand. Many married ppl are not in love with anyone but themselves and do not get the "give and take" necessary to be happily married. Nor one's needs to vent every now and then.

C'mon you guy's, get off your high horse (pun intended). Let the woman vent a bit.

I admire arabianhorselover's dedication to her husband above all of you here. That is called true love.

Sorry few understood that.

FYI, I have been happily married for 40 yrs. I know what love is and what love is not.

I feel like I wrote this lol. My gf is the same way.

Thank you. My husband and I do truly love each other, and we will work all of this out. For us there are no other options.

Sorry you have experienced this. I hope things work out for you.