Ugh Not Family stuff again

In Christmas 2004 our family had Christmas with each other for the first time in like 20 years.It did not go well. We stayed at my sisters house. She started fights with everyone. She verbally abused me infront of everyone including her 2 kids.Her oldest daughter even called me names.Now my brother Scott thinks we should try it again. I say hello no. Since 1989 i have been around my sister a total of 4 times and the reason for that is because she can not be nice to me and others. When i became an adult i started sticking up for myself etc.The 4 times i have been around her in over 18 years. Has showed me she has not changed. But infact has become more abusive to others. My mom and Scott tell me. But she is your sister. I remember growing up. Not having a normal sister relationship with her. So to be honest. I have never missed being around her. My mom acts like her to and i don't have much to do with my mom either.Actually none of my sibilings have much to do with my mom. The only time my sister talks to my mom. Is when she needs money.My sister complains to my step mom about how my mom acts. The thing is.My sister is the same way my mom is. My counselor Diane told me i have the right to be happy and if that means not being around family.Than so be it. I admit i get jealous when i see family's having fun. I wish i could have that.

I tend to agree with your counselor...

If however you feel compelled to "do Christmas"...might I suggest you set some boundaries and stay in a hotel.

So if the boundary is crossed you have some place to go...

I had to leave my ex's in-laws on Christmas Eve when her brother did something that crossed her boundary...we were packed in 20 minutes.

I hugged her mom goodbye letter her know I was sorry that we had to leave under these circumstances...that an apology from the brother would probably prevent it. She simply said that she didn't want to make him made. So we and children left...

I don't feel compelled at all to be any where near my sister. My sister wants her way all the trime. In 1989 when i moved to my first apartment she showed up 2 times and i slammed the door in her face and she stood outside my door loudly cussing at me.Then the cop's came.I have been told she still does stuff like that.

then...

"you have made other plans for Christmas"

my6 mom want's me to see her in Texas. But my mom might be lying. She has done this before and i ende up seing and putting up with her and my sister. I might just stay here and spend time with Steve and his wife. I did that last year and enjoyed it a lot better than being with family here. Meaning my snobby aunt and uncle.

Hi,

I'm sorry your relationship with your sister is not good - my closest relationship in my life is with my sister and I am eternally grateful for that.

I do have an Aunt that I choose not to be around - she is very religious and forces it on everyone around her, so I chose not to be involved with her.

My mom would ask me to go with her to see her and to do it for my mom. I finally said to her "why would you want me to be there when I am going to be miserable and your going to be nervous the whole time that I'm going to tell her to stick it?".

She finally got it and no longer asks me to go

You do have the right to do what makes you happy!!

Tranquility

Tranquility gives an excellent example of boundary she was no longer willing to cross and then asserted those feelings...I know it is hard the first time, but I would image the pay offs are much better.

Thanks! (((((Direction))))))

My family never takes me serious when i say no.I have only seen my sister 4 times in like the last 18 years. My mom and brother have tried to talk me into seeing her way more than i have. Hell my mom is just as bad as my sister. I think that's where my sister gets her attitude towards people.