Can't sleep. Recurrent Nightmares of abandonment

For as long as I can remember I've had pervasive dreams of my partner leaving or abusing me.

His nickname is Inu, which is a special name only I can call him, but this phenomenon has become so familiar we created a different name for the Inu who appears in my dreams.

We call him douchebag Inu.

Last night Douchebag Inu was viewing offensive family guy episodes referring to wives as "b*tches" and proceeded to brag to his friends about how he gets all the milk and never had to buy the cow. When I confronted him he was very flippant and dismissive and expressed no desire to change, instead calling me a ******.

Real Inu would never do that. He has anxiety disorder and is in counseling to combat his fear of marriage which stems from his family home where his parents suffered a very violent divorce.

My question is this: How can I help myself believe Douchebag Inu is not real? I remember my nightmares so vividly they often seem like memories.

How can I stay grounded enough to appreciate real Inu for his devotion until that time he has reached a level of comfort and is healthy enough to become my husband?

The dreams are getting worse and are starting to make me fear sleep.
Any ideas?

ChicaCupcake,
I feel your pain. It has helped me to develop a waking exercise that seems to help me calm down enough to relax and not react to everything that is said to me. Non reaction cultivated while awake can make dreams less powerful to influence us.

Here is the exercise, Breathe naturally, silently counting 1 on the inhale, 1 on the exhale, 2 on the inhale, 2 on the exhale continuing in this manner up to 10. Then start at 1 again.

Here are articles at psychcentral that may be a help.
How to Eliminate Recurring Nightmares | World of Psychology

How to Analyze Your Dreams (And Why It?s Important) | Psych Central

The meaning of your nightmares | Unleash Your Creativity

those breathing exercises really do work!!!

Thank you for sharing candc,

As usual your resources are top notch. I'll read through them all!

In that case I'll try them for sure!

I've thought of having real Inu tell me soothing things and stay close when I'm trying to sleep and it seems to be helping, but he can't be there all the time.