[annabellacat]

Well,we had another really bad fight and I'm feeling really,really low. He keeps betraying me and treating me awful. His new gf who claims to want to be my friend lied and he lied with her and took her side and it got into a big fight and then he threatened me and was abusive. I did nothing wrong. She then got upset and kept texting me and told him she left her house without her phone(which ended up being a lie) while telling me she was leaving him and will be out of the picture now and he forces us to go to his parents and then leaves to go to her house while she is trying to talk to me and act like she will leave now and is depressed and,she never left her house.By the time he gets to her house he then decides he will stay all night knowing my anxieties and she lies saying he is sleeping when he just texted one minute ago and she is sounding like she has more attitude now. It's a lot of drama. I'm really scared. He has tried making her sound like she is so great and all the while keeps betraying me triggering my anxieties. She literally is manipulating everything. But,he keeps begging her to come back from what i'm noticing from overhearing. He has been making me out to be the crazy person. He shows me no respect or anything and has been abusive lately. He basically is saying I have no choice but to be treated awful or I have no place to live and will suffer at random things he will do to me that he knows will give me anxiety. He's never been like this before.

She acts like she never gets jealous but today revealed another side. She kept asking me if I have feelings for him and saying she will leave because he clearly cares more about me. There's some massive manipulation going on and he is taking her side. It's so scary. I've known him for 12 years and he has made promises to me and has been taking care of me for all this time but yet never managed to help me become independent on my own. Idk what to do. It's so very,very scary. I've never felt like our relationship to each other was so fragile before. I don't understand how of all the girls he's dated,she comes into his life and he ends up treating me so awful. I'm so lost. I've been suffering panic attacks,ptsd,agoraphobia,and ocd and he has made my anxieties worse since he met her because he will compulsively lie and trigger my anxieties with it. I've literally developed heart palpitations and have not been physically well from all this stress and still he is so dark and doesn't care. Idk what to do. I know they won't last much longer. Something going the way him and her have been going is doomed to blow up in flames..always does. I've seen it in my own relationships,too. You can't have a relationship that chaotic that everyone disapproves of and have it last long. I've even had an intuition recently that she is going to be out of the picture soon. It was a strong knowing that she won't be around much longer. Maybe tonight was meant to be them ending. She had texted me saying would it make me happy if she left and to be honest and said she would leave him and be out of the picture. I tried being nice and then he keeps being mean to me and runs off to her,but it almost happened. I was afraid of him losing it if I didn't try and say something nice to her. I could've just been mean or ignored her but I didn't.

I know this is complicated but we had loved each other for so long,made promises to each other,then dated others but still always he was in my life and we live together but lately he's been crazy and it scares me. The biggest thing that hurts is he keeps compulsively lying.It's sick how much he lies. Why do I keep being nice just to be abused and treated awful. I now officially can't stand this girl. My chest literally hurts from the stress right now.

[Trippin2.0]

Well the gf might be bad news, or she might not. Really, not many people will respond or behave well to their partners living with their exes, AND taking care of them.


They will feel like they're coming in second place, and who wants to play second fiddle to anyone, let alone a so called "ex".


That is asking a bit much of anyone.


Your ex might be behaving badly because he really doesn't want to lose this girl, and realizes that you are standing in their way. You and the promises he made to you.


I'm really sorry things have gotten so bad for you, but regardless of what promises were made, its up to you to become independent, its not his job to make you so...


We make promises, and we mean them at the time, not realizing that what lies ahead may make those promises impossible to keep.


That's why I try not to make any, and I'm glad my bf has the same mindset. When the word promises gets thrown around, it sets high expectations and almost guarantees disappointment.


Its time to cut the ties between you and your ex, find your feet, and work toward taking care of yourself. Because this whole arrangement is just a breeding ground for anger and resentment, which is a recipe for disaster.


Part ways now while you can still do so on good terms, or you may lose his friendship forever.

[ChipperMonkey]

I agree. It's not his job to make you independent. That's very much on you. At one point I had nobody for thousands of miles. Yeah, that put a boot in my arse for healing because I wouldn't have been able to eat since I was terrified of leaving my apartment. I know you are close with him, but I think you depend on him too much. I think it's time to expand your support network and try to be more independent.

[annabellacat]

I'm so scared. We made agreements that i'd start staying in my apartment alone,and he apologized for things and we were going to move forward but tonight his gf texted my mom and insulted her. My mom! My mom is beautiful and didn't deserve that.I am so frightened and feel so sick. I was going to take a cab to a tall building and jump but I don't even have cab money. I've been pleading with him to make this right in the morning. He has become so evil. I have been trying to do everything to move forward from this.I did nothing wrong. Nothing. The old him would NEVER let someone talk that way to a parent. He's abusing me because i'm weak. I'm so sad. This is the biggest betrayal. My mom used to make him food and consider him like her son.

[gayleggg]

He can't control what the gf does. She shouldn't even have your mom's number much less be texting her.

I think he may be feeling trapped and trying to distance himself from you since your relationship seems to be antagonizing his current relationship. And he doesn't know how to do it in a constructive way. If he is going to move on he needs to cut his ties with you. He can't move on while still taking care of you.

I know that it is scary to have to make it on your own but that's the direction you need to take.

Don't put up with the abuse.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[DBTDiva]

Originally Posted by annabellacat

Well,we had another really bad fight and I'm feeling really,really low. He keeps betraying me and treating me awful. His new gf who claims to want to be my friend lied and he lied with her and took her side and it got into a big fight and then he threatened me and was abusive. I did nothing wrong. She then got upset and kept texting me and told him she left her house without her phone(which ended up being a lie) while telling me she was leaving him and will be out of the picture now and he forces us to go to his parents and then leaves to go to her house while she is trying to talk to me and act like she will leave now and is depressed and,she never left her house.By the time he gets to her house he then decides he will stay all night knowing my anxieties and she lies saying he is sleeping when he just texted one minute ago and she is sounding like she has more attitude now. It's a lot of drama. I'm really scared. He has tried making her sound like she is so great and all the while keeps betraying me triggering my anxieties. She literally is manipulating everything. But,he keeps begging her to come back from what i'm noticing from overhearing. He has been making me out to be the crazy person. He shows me no respect or anything and has been abusive lately. He basically is saying I have no choice but to be treated awful or I have no place to live and will suffer at random things he will do to me that he knows will give me anxiety. He's never been like this before.

She acts like she never gets jealous but today revealed another side. She kept asking me if I have feelings for him and saying she will leave because he clearly cares more about me. There's some massive manipulation going on and he is taking her side. It's so scary. I've known him for 12 years and he has made promises to me and has been taking care of me for all this time but yet never managed to help me become independent on my own. Idk what to do. It's so very,very scary. I've never felt like our relationship to each other was so fragile before. I don't understand how of all the girls he's dated,she comes into his life and he ends up treating me so awful. I'm so lost. I've been suffering panic attacks,ptsd,agoraphobia,and ocd and he has made my anxieties worse since he met her because he will compulsively lie and trigger my anxieties with it. I've literally developed heart palpitations and have not been physically well from all this stress and still he is so dark and doesn't care. Idk what to do. I know they won't last much longer. Something going the way him and her have been going is doomed to blow up in flames..always does. I've seen it in my own relationships,too. You can't have a relationship that chaotic that everyone disapproves of and have it last long. I've even had an intuition recently that she is going to be out of the picture soon. It was a strong knowing that she won't be around much longer. Maybe tonight was meant to be them ending. She had texted me saying would it make me happy if she left and to be honest and said she would leave him and be out of the picture. I tried being nice and then he keeps being mean to me and runs off to her,but it almost happened. I was afraid of him losing it if I didn't try and say something nice to her. I could've just been mean or ignored her but I didn't.

I know this is complicated but we had loved each other for so long,made promises to each other,then dated others but still always he was in my life and we live together but lately he's been crazy and it scares me. The biggest thing that hurts is he keeps compulsively lying.It's sick how much he lies. Why do I keep being nice just to be abused and treated awful. I now officially can't stand this girl. My chest literally hurts from the stress right now.

This relationship sounds really toxic. I would take whatever steps needed to become independent and stop listening to what he says - pay more attention to what he does. It really doesn't matter if it's the gf causing it or not, he's chosen to date her and is contributing to the problem. You can love him from afar without being dragged into all this drama.

[annabellacat]

I misunderstood the texts slightly. It was more insults at me,then at my mom. She texted me in the middle of the night and I made her apologize to my mom and the next day I seen what they had actually said(the original texts). My mom picked me up and helped me out by being there for me because she knew we had to really get to the bottom of this and find out what's going on and if he is going to prepare to devastate me,her daughter. He came to the apartment,very late compared to when he got off work so like an hour later then when his work was done and was angrier then my mom had ever seen him before at me. He gave my mom gas money for getting me and apologized to her for what had happened last night and said he isn't going to kick me out and will never stop taking care of me but that he is fed up and told my mom a lot of things that were kind of private about my bizarre fear thoughts and other things. He has just been feeling too pressured by how bad things had gotten in the past two months. My mom agreed to stay with me tonight since he wanted to go see his gf again even though he usually doesn't on those days and it's our day to go get groceries and relax. He gave us money to order pizza and she stayed until he got home and had a talk with me about how I need to give him his space and cleaned up the house for me and kept telling me to take a nap since she knew i hadn't slept in two days.

I stayed at our new apartment alone for first time that next day and felt very happy.It was so great to move forward and prove I can do it. He was still being mean to me,but I proved it to myself and the distance by me doing that and freeing up some of his energy I know was great for both of us. I'm now staying alone in our apartment in daytimes and will be working up to doing it at nightime. My mom agreed to check in on me more so I don't bother him as much and have more confidence.
His mom is being nice to me,too and wants to take me shopping this week and on the phone last night to my ex said she is going out of town possibly at the end of the month and i said i'd consider going with if she happened to want me too by chance to my ex. He was surprised and called her back and asked so there's a small chance she might take me with her to california with her which would give me and him a little few days break which might be nice. I'd have to think about it,too though if it works out even if i'd want to go. So,things are calmer now and there's finally moving forward. Right now i'm taking things in steps. It's actually been very exciting to be at my apartment. It's relaxing and makes me in a very good mood. I've handled it pretty well. I know me and my ex have a complicated relationship but this is what works for us. He also said yesterday that he talked to his friend who works at his bank and is going to open me an account at his bank and start sending me money to it regularly to build up my money I have of my own because since it's his bank he can send money to my account instantly. I'm grateful things are improving. I have found some learning lessons from all this that has gone on lately,that's for sure.