I wasn't allowed.....

I wasn't allowed to see certain movies if he thought they were bad. I couldn't keep my own car when he was working to go visit my mother in the nursing home because he always wanted to be there. I couldn't go to bed at night if I was tired and just sleep because he wanted to be intimate every night no matter what, no excuses. I had to have my school work done before he came home from work even if I still had more to do, it had to be done. I couldn't play with my pets much when he was around or it meant I loved them more than him. I had to get rid of most of my music cd's because he didn't approve of the music I listened to. I had to be careful if I worked on a craft project without him so most of my crafts just sit in the closet. I have injuries to my neck and lower back making it difficult for me to do certain physical things but he often demanded sex after work as well as bedtime even if my body was hurting. he would keep me up late fighting knowing I had to get up early with the kids for school. Everything I wanted to buy was monitored and I was in trouble for buying 10 dollar peppermint lights for the yard even though he missed countless days from work because of his arguing with me and staying up all night. He once told me he could easily do the "psycho thing" and then let it at that. He once fought with me because on the way to the grocery store I stopped at the corner store for toilet paper and did not tell him I was going. I am not allowed to drink an alcoholic drink because one time when we were out and had a baby sitter a man offered to buy me a drink. I refused the drink and the man apologized. I couldn't use my computer when he was home to look at recipes or anything because it took away from his time. I had to try and get the kids to bed by 8 pm every night because he had to get up early for work and didn't want to sleep alone. I would often wake up with him at 3am and stay awake after he left so I could start on all of the housework and my school work and have it done before he got home and wanted sex. I was in a constant state of exhaustion. I would cry because I couldn't see my mother for days on end even though she is 10 minutes away in a home. I prayed she would not die before I got to hug her again. I bought mom some Christmas decorations at the Goodwill to decorate her room and he was there to take over every thing and give his two cents as always. He told me I was dumb and couldn't think straight. I used to think to myself that he was driving me crazy and didn't even realize it. I was a prisoner and no bars were needed to keep me locked up. He tried to break my spirit but he didn't. I am still alive although I am tired. I am happy he is gone. I loved him with all of my heart and I tried to bring goodness and love to his life. I gave him a wonderful home filled with our pets, two kids who wanted to be friends with him and spend time with him, great homemade dinners and the security that comes from truly being loved. He tried to destroy me and claimed he loved me above all things in life.......if that was love then hate most be horrible.

Holy cannoli!!!!!!
You very much DID get out of a captive situation!

Sending you tons of congratulations and best wishes for your new life!

So on a realistic front do you have any money to support you and the kids? Do you have your own checking acct or is it joint? The reason I asked is my first husband said he needed a break then cleaned out our accounts leaving me and my young son nothing.

Take care and don't let him back in

I am not working at the moment but I am filling out a profile with a local temp agency that thinks they can help. I am hopeful, I am also going to move to a different house by Feb. This one is to big for us and to much work. I just pray we are not harassed or stalked....or worse by him. It stinks to be in this situation.

You did good!


Be proud of yourself for surviving such a terrible hostage situation and more importantly, be proud for escaping it.


Time to focus on yourself and your family now, he's robbed you of enough of that.


Any time you even remotely doubt you made the right decision or consider taking him back, come here, read through your threads to remind yourself of the hell he's put you through, and that you deserve so much better than he ever gave or will ever be capable of giving you.


I know I don't know you, and it may not mean much, but I am damn proud of you. As a person, a woman, a mother, and daughter, you did good!

It means more than you can imagine, we are alone right now and we have no idea what to expect from him. I have to keep the fear at bay so I can think clearly and get through the day. I am doing a lot of praying. Thank you for all of your kind words

I am glad he is gone and I hope he stays gone.

You're most welcome, I will pray along with you

Good job being done with him. What a crazy situation. I am so glad you are not taking him back

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Yay! You did it!

That was the hard part. You will still have some tough goings but you are a survivor. You will find some positive and thrive on it.

Everything Trippin said.

xo Chy

Thank you

my first reaction when I started reading this thread was wow what a complicated situation, then I saw you were located in Pennsylvania (which is commonly known as Amish cultures) then I reread this thread with that in mind and the situation wasnt so shocking to me. in the Amish culture this is how things are, the men are in control and the women must do what the men say. even in America the Amish culture is not considered abuse. that said I do know some Amish people who have decided the Amish way is not for them and have gotten help to leave that culture behind once they have experienced life outside that culture in some way. If you happen to be Amish just wanted to let you know you are not alone and that Im glad you are getting the help you may need.