I just want to begin with saying that I hate Facebook. I was already forced on there due to it being necessary for self promotion in my field. And now I have a private account in order to help manage my page. Now I'm debating on whether or not I'm technically forced onto Facebook with my private account.

As it is now, the people around me don't communicate hardly outside of Facebook. I don't know anything that's going on socially unless my boyfriend tells me what he's seen on Facebook. I've been invited to a party through someone Facebook messaging HIM and then him telling me about it. And this is from someone who sees me in person ON A REGULAR BASIS. I was very offended by that, but I also learned that I will be ostracized and friendless until I play other people's stupid games, as in I need to be on Facebook if I'm going to be accepted socially and ever attempt to have friends again.

And without friendships and tons of connections, my career will be dead in the water…it's based almost solely on connections and not on actual talent and education which I'm starting to discover.

I don't fit in as it is. Since I'm not on Facebook, I don't speak their "language". I don't know how else to make friends…if I join a group, I can't maintain a presence because of school (I'm a doctoral student).

I'm just worried that I'll hate myself or be jealous of people if I'm on there. You know, people actually having the connections to actually get work and to *gasp* actually get PAID for their work! I must be the only one that is to the point that I'm excited by even offensively low amounts of pay because I just don't get paid even when I'm supposed to!

And even worse…what if something were to happen to my relationship if we're both on Facebook? Then there's even more to emotionally detangle. I have a lot of anxiety of him just leaving me suddenly with no warning, no communication that anything's wrong and needs to be fixed…it's not even a fear based in reality I don't think. I mean, we do have the difficult conversations in order to fix issues but every time I do something wrong, state a need, or assert myself in any way, I'm afraid he's just going to say it's the last straw and that's it. It's my biggest fear.

I'm also beyond too terrified to add people myself if I DO end up on Facebook again, but I suspect some people would add me because I've been asked several times if I am on Facebook or not.

I just don't know what to do…I don't know if I can handle Facebook or not, but it feels like I have to. I've been debating this for a long time in my head and it feels like I've been forced to make a decision soon.

[Skeezyks]

Hello I.Am.The.End: I'm not on Facebook. Facebook scares me. I never hear anything good about Facebook. But then I'm a solitary old codger. So it really doesn't matter.

I have been mulling over the idea of returning to YouTube. I used to have a YouTube channel which I closed a while back. Sometimes I think I'd like to open a new channel. It would mostly be because there's allot of music on YouTube I enjoy listening to. I often listen to music videos on YouTube while I'm replying to posts here on PC. But then at other times I think: what's the point?

When I think about opening a new channel... do I use my old username... which a few other YouTubers would recognize, or do I take a new name & go stealth? I don't think I would ever upload videos myself again... but if I opened a new channel, I'd probably start to want to. Decisions, decisions, decisions! What did we ever do before we had the internet to worry about?

From what you wrote, it sounds like you may have to return to Facebook in order to have any semblance of a "normal" life. I guess that's just the way it is nowadays. Maybe just try to take it one small step at a time & see how it goes. There are advantages to getting old...

I know…I don't belong in this generation at all (I'm mid twenties by the way). I was the sort of person that when I was a teenager, I would spend forever writing out texts with complete words and correct punctuation. I still get irate when I see text speak.

I was also on YouTube for a while…but they deleted my account and I've never tried to start a new one. I probably need to have videos up to help my career as well, but the act of video taping myself makes me too nervous. It's strange since I don't mind news cameras or being taped/on TV if I'm performing. I guess if I taped myself in front of an audience…

But the point I think is that I can't keep up with using technology for socializing and it all scares me…it makes my social anxiety WORSE in some ways. I just don't know how to make friends or build a career without it. Or with it for that matter. And so I'm panicking.

[healingme4me]

You're a musician, if I recall?

In a roundabout way, thank you for explaining my cousin's page, to me.

It does stink that in order to network, that seems the 'way' in that field.

About the bf and fear, it's hard not to worry about such an outcome when that's something that does happen to others in life. Has he ever pulled a disappearing/Houdini stunt with anyone else? Past behavior could be indicative of future in some cases.

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(I too make an effort to use full words and punctuation avoiding text abbreviations)

I am on Facebook. I admit much of it makes me uncomfortable (like constantly seeing pictures of my daughter drinking and drunk). I have also been shocked by friend's disgustingly racist views of late. BUT, as I have moved around a lot, this has become my main mode of keeping up with friends. I do have a personal policy of never adding friends and people who I do not know offline.

[Permacultural]

From my perspective, social media is neither social, nor, incredibly informative. I feel like it is a convenient, superficial substitute for interpersonal depth. Its quantity over quality. When people ask me if I'm on facebook, I say "no, but here's my card". My card has my work cell and email address on it. Its so much easier this way. I choose who contacts me, I choose what they know about me, and I choose when I return calls and emails. And when a personal connection is made in this way, people know that they've got my full attention. They won't get lost in the "livefeed". That's my preference. Depth.

Facebook, in my view, actually reinforces a loosening of boundaries.

[Webgoji]

Personally I would suggest setting up a professional page and avoid the social interactions with "friends" and such. My experience with Facebook was highly unfavorable. Use it for promotions, but don't waste your time getting involved with the drama.

Also, both any time a relationship is involved, I feel it's extremely important that both you and your partner avoid any contact with old ex's and such. That's a recipe for disaster.

[divine1966]

I am social and am not backwards but am not on Facebook. Don't have a need to be

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[specialneedsmom]

I've gone through something similar because I don't text.

Everyone I know does texting. I have on problem with doing this occasionally if I need to, but apparently, most people I know are texting each other constantly, all day long for any reason, or no reason at all. I mean, just sending out texts to their friends saying "what R U doing?" and texting smiley faces and other things. I have no time for keeping in touch with anyone constantly to tell them what I am doing on a 24/7 basis, and also am not interested in "smiley faces". Its just not my thing. I suppose if I were a teenager, I'd be doing this all day long, but I'm an adult and just do not have time for it.

Yes, it means I am out of the loop with some things socially. I also have had people get mad at me because I won't text them all day long telling them what I am doing, where I am going, who I am with, and other personal aspects of my daily life. In fact, I won't even give out my cell phone number to most people for that reason - I know they'll start sending me stupid text messages, and frankly, I don't want to contribute to them wasting their life away like this. I also believe many of them are texting while driving and that is dangerous - again, not something I want to contribute to or participate in, if it were to cause a serious car accident.

[specialneedsmom]

Also, I am on facebook but have no problem with others who choose not to be. Its not for everyone.

[lovethesun]

I'm on Facebook. I felt I had to be in order to be "in the loop" on things. I wish things were not like that though. I liked the old way better, just call someone, email or stop by their house. My husband calls Facebook, "Farcebook" which makes me laugh. It really is a farce. All these people pretending to be perfect and pretending to care about every little stupid detail of everyday life. Funny thing is I will pass people at the grocery store or mall, people I'm "friends" with on Facebook, and they don't wave or speak.....like they don't know me. Yet they'll "like" or comment on my page. Weird!! I've even had people stalk me using Facebook. They'll see I'm online via Facebook and call my phone. Then I'm forced to answer since they know I'm online. And don't get me started on all the tangled social webs caused by Facebook. I've been left out of get togethers, only to log onto Facebook and see photos of the party I was not invited to. I really hate Facebook, but I feel like I have to be on it because everyone else is....even businesses I patronize.

@healingme4me
He hasn't really disappeared on anyone. I mean, he's asked for space from me on occasion, but he tells me first. I've had people disappear on me in the past though suddenly enough that I thought they were a hallucination. I guess I don't understand how love works. It doesn't just turn on and off like a light right? I know there are no guarantees, but if you were with someone who you loved and you felt they "completed you", knows "what to do when you're in a bad mood", and is "someone you can truly be yourself with", you don't just suddenly throw that away right? I certainly have imperfections too, but I'm working on them in therapy. I'm just worried that because of my personality, people can easily use and abuse me and here's someone who does neither. I don't want to lose that.

@rcat
If I did go back on Facebook, I wouldn't add people I didn't know in real life. Although I do have issues with saying no, so I might add someone because I felt pressured to.

@Permacultural
I completely agree. Except in my case, even if I ask people to e-mail me (or my original artist page admin does) they will either be annoyed or ignore my request and keep messaging my artist page. At least I'm admin on there so I can get messages now, but I've missed important messages because people refuse to take the extra few seconds to e-mail me.

I also need the quantity right now...for networking purposes.

@Webgoji
I would like to do it that way but I don't know how else to develop friendships with people who socialize via Facebook. Neither one of us has significant exes so that isn't an issue.

@divine
I wish I could be like you, but I struggle immensely with developing friendships. Everyone seems to communicate that way. I don't have time to go to other groups outside of school right now. I need to be creating friendships with my peers because it's important for networking. People get their friends gigs. If I manage to connect with someone and become close friends with them, that's good too, but if I move in the future I might end up losing them.

@Specialneedsmom
I do e-mail/text my boyfriend several times a day, but he's my best friend. I wouldn't talk to anyone else that much unless they were my best friend. But I'm afraid that's what's expected of all friendships and I don't have that kind of time either.

@lovethesun
Yeah, I feel like I'm not in the loop because I'm not on there. But in the past when I was on there I always felt like a loser. And since I still feel that way, I don't want Facebook reinforcing that.

[healingme4me]

No, even men don't want to lose love. You called him your best friend. He may have requested some space, before, but he's still around. Probably stands to reason that he's not just going to disappear on you. That it wouldn't be out of the blue. Amd from my own personal experiences, some endings just drag on and on and on and aren't so black and white as far as endings go.

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[yagr]

What's Facebook? Okay, even I'm not THAT out of touch, although I did go into a Verizon store yesterday and request a rotary cell phone. I've never been on FB but I found myself finding interesting similarities between our situations. I'm a writer. I have thought seriously about the main character in a series I am writing opening up a Facebook account; to date I am still weighing pros and cons.

I read up thread that you are a musician. Is there a way that you could choose a name that somehow separates your personal and professional life but allows for some, limited crossover? Something along the lines of a Brenda Webb (real name) opening up a page for Crystal Gayle (stage name). Katheryn Elizabeth Hudson has a Facebook page (I'm assuming) under her stage name Katy Perry.

The main character of my series is the author of the stories; a pseudonym. I'm fairly confident that if I 'let folks in on the secret' as it were...that I'm trying to create the illusion that 'Josh' is a real person, they wouldn't 'out' me on Facebook but keep things in character for me. By doing so, they would have to police themselves somewhat by not making things too personal and would, I think, be more understanding if 'Josh' didn't 'like' or 'tag' or whatever the lingo is - believing that 'I' would.

I've taken my sleep meds so I don't know how coherent this has been - but good luck.

Originally Posted by healingme4me

No, even men don't want to lose love. You called him your best friend. He may have requested some space, before, but he's still around. Probably stands to reason that he's not just going to disappear on you. That it wouldn't be out of the blue. Amd from my own personal experiences, some endings just drag on and on and on and aren't so black and white as far as endings go.

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Thanks for this! Now I have a logical argument against the irrational fears I have about this. He's even said himself that I'm his female best friend (to acknowledge the fact that he does have a male best friend as well who apparently is very similar to me). So yeah, it doesn't make sense to suddenly throw all of that away without trying to compromise if there's a problem. And I've shown willingness to compromise and change in the past if there's an issue so that has to bode well I would think.

Originally Posted by yagr

What's Facebook? Okay, even I'm not THAT out of touch, although I did go into a Verizon store yesterday and request a rotary cell phone. I've never been on FB but I found myself finding interesting similarities between our situations. I'm a writer. I have thought seriously about the main character in a series I am writing opening up a Facebook account; to date I am still weighing pros and cons.

I read up thread that you are a musician. Is there a way that you could choose a name that somehow separates your personal and professional life but allows for some, limited crossover? Something along the lines of a Brenda Webb (real name) opening up a page for Crystal Gayle (stage name). Katheryn Elizabeth Hudson has a Facebook page (I'm assuming) under her stage name Katy Perry.

The main character of my series is the author of the stories; a pseudonym. I'm fairly confident that if I 'let folks in on the secret' as it were...that I'm trying to create the illusion that 'Josh' is a real person, they wouldn't 'out' me on Facebook but keep things in character for me. By doing so, they would have to police themselves somewhat by not making things too personal and would, I think, be more understanding if 'Josh' didn't 'like' or 'tag' or whatever the lingo is - believing that 'I' would.

I've taken my sleep meds so I don't know how coherent this has been - but good luck.

I've thought of the stage name/pen name but I already have a lot published out there with my name and people know me to find me to commission me by that name. At the moment, I'm mostly a composer and graduate student. I haven't had a full time performing position in years outside of academic ensembles and those don't really count. What my name is on various documents and on published works is going to become an issue if I get married too so maybe I'll just keep my maiden name as a pen name? And if I have a full time performing gig again, I could get a stage name as well.