[jbuttz]

Your partner doesn't necessarily 'believe' in mental illness? I think I've tried explaining how I feel verbally, written letters, YouTube videos, you name it. She can't seem to wrap her head around how I feel this way when I have a nice job, 2 beautiful daughters, somewhat nice future ahead of us. How could someone be so depressed? Is anyone else having this issue and what have you done to help?

She says things like mental illness was only recent so I just jumpedon the band wagon and now I'm playing it out. I wish I could make her feel how I do. Maybe then she would get it.

Sometimes I get the feeling that she knows my triggers like what gets me irritated. My paranoid, anxious personality doesn't help but I feel like she is neglecting my feelings and wishes.

Can someone be so hard headed? I'd love to wake up and not be irritated by the slightest things anymore. Just love.

[Skeezyks]

Hello jbuttz: Yes, I have this problem. My wife simply doesn't get it. And she doesn't want to get it. It's not that she doesn't believe in mental illness or something like that. She simply wants to pretend that everything's okay. And she's very good at just keeping her head down & plowing through. She also will not participate in any type of counseling or therapy related services. Actually, I'm not big on this either. But my mental health problems have softened me up in this regard.

My answer to this has been to simply exclude her. I know she doesn't really want anything to do with it & I respect her position. I just keep it all to myself. This is part of the reason I'm on PC. It provides me with at least some small outlet.

There was a period of time, a while back, when my wife would suddenly & unexpectedly right out of the blue, so to speak, ask me some question related to the mental health issues I deal with. It came across as more curiosity on her part, than genuine interest. I finally told her that she had to be either all-in or all-out. And since she didn't want to be all-in, she was all-out. I couldn't have her jumping in-&-out whenever her curiosity happened to get the better of her. I guess that was perhaps harsh. But, since no one in my life wants to know anything about what's really going on with me, I have to protect myself.

[jbuttz]

I get the impression that my girlfriend is embarrassed by my issues. She's always wanting to hush me when the topic is raised.

I really appreciate and value your response. It sounds like me to the T. She sometimes begs me to express how I feel not understanding it takes everything I have in order to due so, only to tell me to suck it up. Harsh.

I have the opposite problem. My husband suffers from an obvious mental condition and is in denial and is resistant to any help. We have separated because of this. His parents claim that they are going to get him some help but they are old fashioned and I wonder if they really understand how serious his issues are.

[Werewoman]

I have recently decided that I simply won't try to discuss with him anymore. It's like talking to a brick wall.

[ChipperMonkey]

I feel bad for you, I mean my mental health issues are such a huge part of my life that I know if someone didn't try to understand or at the very least be supportive, I couldn't share my life with them.

It's very small minded to think that disorders/ illnesses don't exist because some diagnostic manual didn't make it official until relatively recently. Actually, it would be a toss up between walking away due to utter lack of support or walking away due to their utter stupidity.

[jbuttz]

Originally Posted by Werewoman

I have recently decided that I simply won't try to discuss with him anymore. It's like talking to a brick wall.

I received a pm from someone saying they also do this. I will try this because it isn't getting me anywhere. Thank you for your reply.

[jbuttz]

Originally Posted by Ghaugh38

I have the opposite problem. My husband suffers from an obvious mental condition and is in denial and is resistant to any help. We have separated because of this. His parents claim that they are going to get him some help but they are old fashioned and I wonder if they really understand how serious his issues are.

My gf notices certain things I do but fails to call it an illness. I really hope your husband turns around and gets the help that's needed. Thank you for your reply

[jbuttz]

Originally Posted by ChipperMonkey

I feel bad for you, I mean my mental health issues are such a huge part of my life that I know if someone didn't try to understand or at the very least be supportive, I couldn't share my life with them.

It's very small minded to think that disorders/ illnesses don't exist because some diagnostic manual didn't make it official until relatively recently. Actually, it would be a toss up between walking away due to utter lack of support or walking away due to their utter stupidity.

I think because of her I've been a little more reluctant to express how I feel with others. Like you said mental illness is a huge part of my life as well and if someone can't find the time to learn more about it, it can be very frustrating. Thank you for your reply

[avlady]

i hope this person can agree to get the help they need, and others here can find some relief from their illness. it is hard to even accept we have a problem sometimes, but sooner or later the @#$% hits the fan and something has to be done.

[Werewoman]

Originally Posted by ChipperMonkey

I feel bad for you, I mean my mental health issues are such a huge part of my life that I know if someone didn't try to understand or at the very least be supportive, I couldn't share my life with them.

It's very small minded to think that disorders/ illnesses don't exist because some diagnostic manual didn't make it official until relatively recently. Actually, it would be a toss up between walking away due to utter lack of support or walking away due to their utter stupidity.

I think someone can be supportive without understanding MI issues. You don't throw away decades of an otherwise loving, healthy relationship because they simply don't/can't understand what you live with every day, but you can make it off limits without compromising your relationship. Most people who deny MI do it out of self-preservation or simple ignorance, not out of stupidity, imho.

[DBTDiva]

Originally Posted by jbuttz

Your partner doesn't necessarily 'believe' in mental illness? I think I've tried explaining how I feel verbally, written letters, YouTube videos, you name it. She can't seem to wrap her head around how I feel this way when I have a nice job, 2 beautiful daughters, somewhat nice future ahead of us. How could someone be so depressed?

I don't understand people who don't "believe" in mental illness. It's so odd to me. I mean, I can decide not to "believe" in cars but that doesn't mean I won't get hit by one if I walk in the highway! I think that's exactly why people should believe in mental illness - how could someone be so depressed? Exactly. It makes no logical sense, if you could choose to not be depressed you would. You don't have depression because you have a sh**tty life, you have depression because you have an illness.

She says things like mental illness was only recent so I just jumpedon the band wagon and now I'm playing it out. I wish I could make her feel how I do. Maybe then she would get it.

I'm not sure what she means by "recent." I looked this up because I was curious and according to the APA the 1880 census classified 7 types of mental disorders, including mania and "melancholia" which I'm sure was their term for depression History | psychiatry.org so mental illness has been recognized for well over 100 years.

You "jumping on the bandwagon" makes it sound like she thinks you are faking it or something. Is that what she's implying? I'd have a difficult time deciding to spend my life with someone who thought my illnesses were not real or that I was making them up.

[CaptainChaos79]

This is not a "new" phenomenon in America...there are about an infinity of other issues we as a society (or selective groups within our society whatever the case may be) choose to have the "head in the sand syndrome" in regards to...usually any issue that makes them feel uncomfortable on any level whatsoever. Because Americans (esp Americans) have trouble dealing with reality..hell we have invented an entire LANGUAGE to protect ourselves from it....we call these Euphemisms...George Carlin address this issue in reference to the WW1 combat related condition called "SHELL SHOCK." Simple honest language back then...by WW2...we had BATTLE FATIGUE...4 syllables...doesn't seem to hurt as much. By the Korean war it was called "OPERATIONAL EXHAUSTION." 8 syllables and no humanity left in the phrase...and by the time Vietnam came along we had....you guessed it "POST-TRAUMATIC STRESS DISORDER." And his insight on that? If we had still been calling it Shell Shock maybe some of those Vietnam veterans would have gotten the attention they needed at the time....
My point being....avoidance disorder...is a disorder in itself....

[ChipperMonkey]

Originally Posted by Werewoman

I think someone can be supportive without understanding MI issues. You don't throw away decades of an otherwise loving, healthy relationship because they simply don't/can't understand what you live with every day, but you can make it off limits without compromising your relationship. Most people who deny MI do it out of self-preservation or simple ignorance, not out of stupidity, imho.

Coming at it from two different directions. I have the power to give people the boot who don't understand, err support me. I am not in a relationship at the moment, at least not the typical kind. I didn't mean to throw away a decades long relationship. However, my illness does indeed affect every major aspect of my life. If someone can't support me, they're gone. I'm REAL. If you don't believe my disorder exists, you're essentially saying I'm a liar. I won't deal with that.

[jbuttz]

Originally Posted by DBTDiva

You "jumping on the bandwagon" makes it sound like she thinks you are faking it or something. Is that what she's implying?

Yes that is what she is implying. No one talked about it before and now it's #mentalhealth is what she said.

[jbuttz]

Originally Posted by CaptainChaos79

My point being....avoidance disorder...is a disorder in itself....

She is queen avoidance. It's actually really bad.

Would they be willing to go with you to a therapy/psychiatric session? Even your family doctor? My father didn't seem to get it until my psychiatrist directed him to a family information/support group. He went very reluctantly but not only did it mean the world to me, he gained some insight into my health.

I wonder when I hear these stories if the refusal to accept or attempt to understand a mental illness may be a reflection of a person's own fears. Perhaps they worry that they might be found in some way at fault? Maybe they are frightened their own life will suddenly change from what they know? Could it be they are concerned they must suddenly be responsible for our behaviour and actions? And what if they are worried about the foundation of the relationship changing? Additionally, might they now question the relationship is even based on a lie? I think those struggling to accept are also in need of support.

[DBTDiva]

Originally Posted by jbuttz

Yes that is what she is implying. No one talked about it before and now it's #mentalhealth is what she said.

Yeah, calling me a liar would be a hard limit for me personally... You deserve respect. I've always felt like, let's say you are faking mental illness, that by itself would be enough to show you need mental health treatment!

[Chyialee]

It just aggravates the sox off me when people make those sweeping statements re "Not Believing In" MI or things like autism. My favourite thus far is "Oh he's just being difficult/lazy" (said in regard to my now-adult Aspie son). O RLY ?!
I get very snarky, unfortunately: climb way up on my high horse and ask sthg like "Oh indeed? Do you believe in diabetes? Heart disease? High blood pressure? Cancer?" I'm relentless!

Grrrrr! Conditions that have the power to skreww up our lives and indeed end them, all require treatment & intervention. ALL. Ostrich syndrome is neither helpful nor useful. My late husband was a big denier of many, many mental & emotional conditions -- until he got a couple. Suddenly he was on more meds than I was, going to a neuro-psych every week, eating Klonopin like candy....The world changed, believe me. And, 15 yrs late, I got a heartfelt apology. He was a good man and I loved him, but he had this one blind spot...and until it happened to him, he couldn't "believe" in it. I used to call him "Prince of Egypt" -- bc he Lived By De Nile lol.

there's really no use imo trying to educate folk like this. You've given them good information, and you've taken your well-being into your own hands. Well done!
xo Chy

[angelicgoldfish05]

I guess I don't open up or share. And despite therapist's advice to do so, I choose not to tell him about it. Sucks to have to keep such a big part of me hidden, but he doesn't believe in it... He thinks everything is a choice. Why on earth would anyone choose to have a mental illness? And even if one did try to make themselves mentally ill, that is abnormal and therefore implies a mental illness of a different sort (facticious disorder anyone?)..

so Idk.. all I can say is that I empathize and can understand to some extent.. my bf thinks committing suicide is just natural selection. Now do you really think I'm going to come out and tell him I've attempted twice? Yeah if he believes in natural selection, I am sure not a "fit" person in regard to the "survival of the fittest!" However, I did survive both times... but still, even choosing to do so and go down that dark path... I guess that was a choice. Having the illness, the hurt and pain, and call it what you will- I choose to call it abuse- that was not my choice. Not my fault.

[jbuttz]

Originally Posted by angelicgoldfish05

I guess I don't open up or share. And despite therapist's advice to do so, I choose not to tell him about it. Sucks to have to keep such a big part of me hidden, but he doesn't believe in it... He thinks everything is a choice. Why on earth would anyone choose to have a mental illness? And even if one did try to make themselves mentally ill, that is abnormal and therefore implies a mental illness of a different sort (facticious disorder anyone?)..

so Idk.. all I can say is that I empathize and can understand to some extent.. my bf thinks committing suicide is just natural selection. Now do you really think I'm going to come out and tell him I've attempted twice? Yeah if he believes in natural selection, I am sure not a "fit" person in regard to the "survival of the fittest!" However, I did survive both times... but still, even choosing to do so and go down that dark path... I guess that was a choice. Having the illness, the hurt and pain, and call it what you will- I choose to call it abuse- that was not my choice. Not my fault.

Thanks so much for this! I couldn't have said it better myself. I've never understood the argument about faking it. I agree that itself would be an illness especially not showering and acting depressed but not being depressed... where is the logic, right?

I had to ask my therapist if wishing I would just keel over dead everyday was bad. I don't think a normal person would have to ask that question.

I wish she would research more about my illness, my triggers, show me she cares the slightest, stop acting like I'm over playing it. I know it sounds like a lot but I just need a bit of patience with the way we communicate.

If my partner is on her period I research it. Same if she had post partum depression, cancer, sick, etc. I find it incredibly difficult to explain how you feel when you always have to lie and say you're fine rather than face ridicule. Why am I not aloud to tell someone I've been feeling empty inside the last couple of days. I guess they just don't know what empty feels like

[JustJenny]

And I think that going through mental difficulties teaches you something.

Some years ago I was perfectly fine. I knew some people with depression and I could see them change: they would lose interest in things, their weight would noticeably change, some of them would start behaving differently (e.g. consuming too much alcohol) and so something "stupid", like drop out of school. I didn't understand how could they do something so irrational.

Now things have changed for me. I read messages in this forum and I feel for mostly everybody here. I became depressed and anxious. My psychiatrist says it is a burnout, that I will recover from it and that all the symptoms will go away. I have an intense fears every day and I sure hope this is indeed temporary. In the meantime, my husband says that psychiatrists are for crazy people. And since my psychiatrists thinks that I do need the treatment, I must be a crazy person.

Right now there is a lot of socializing going on due to the holidays. I can hardly participate because I have a feeling that I do not belong and it is really hard on me. My husband is not putting much effort into trying to talk to me and it hurts.

The point is, if you have no idea what it is like to be depressed and anxious, it is unlikely you will ever fully understand the feeling.

[Katieissweet]

It is recent and a first world problem people in tradtional tribal societies don't have chronic depression.shes right.

"Modern-day hunter-gatherer bands—such as the Kaluli people of the New Guinea highlands—have been assessed by Western researchers for the presence of mental illness. Remarkably, clinical depression is almost completely nonexistent among such groups, whose way of life is similar to that of our remote ancestors. Despite living very hard lives—with none of the material comforts or medical advances we take for granted—they’re largely immune to the plague of depressive illness that we see ruining lives all around us. (In perhaps the most telling example, anthropologist Edward Schieffelin lived among the Kaluli for nearly a decade and carefully interviewed over two thousand men, women, and children regarding their experience of grief and depression; he found only one person who came close to meeting our full diagnostic criteria for depressive illness.)"

[jbuttz]

Originally Posted by Katieissweet

It is recent and a first world problem people in tradtional tribal societies don't have chronic depression.shes right.

"Modern-day hunter-gatherer bands—such as the Kaluli people of the New Guinea highlands—have been assessed by Western researchers for the presence of mental illness. Remarkably, clinical depression is almost completely nonexistent among such groups, whose way of life is similar to that of our remote ancestors. Despite living very hard lives—with none of the material comforts or medical advances we take for granted—they’re largely immune to the plague of depressive illness that we see ruining lives all around us. (In perhaps the most telling example, anthropologist Edward Schieffelin lived among the Kaluli for nearly a decade and carefully interviewed over two thousand men, women, and children regarding their experience of grief and depression; he found only one person who came close to meeting our full diagnostic criteria for depressive illness.)"

I find this very easy to believe

[JustJenny]

My problems were primarily caused by my job. Now I feel crippled inside.