[donna450]

My daughter..strong personality..has had a rocky relationship...husband hard worker..drinks...mama's boy.
Daughter is insecure wanting her husband to stand up for her against his mother's deliberate or daughters interpretation of snubbery. Husband texted me and he sees no problem..but daughter sees and feels she is undermine not accepted and not supported by husband.. ideas?
Marriage counseling no by husband. He doesn't want to choose one over the other. Ideas?

[CopperStar]

Well she can always go to therapy, herself. It's hard to tell from the details provided if it's really miscommunication/misunderstanding or if her husband is disrespectful and has issues. A therapist could help her figure that out.

[gayleggg]

I agree that therapy could help her out even if he doesn't go. Maybe help her put things in perspective.

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Donna450, she is married to him. If he does not see there is a problem yet she does, then she needs counseling for her interpretation of how she is treated. Perception is everything and she needs to work out her marriage and her place in his family for herself. I will pray for her, tc

[DBTDiva]

Originally Posted by donna450

My daughter..strong personality..has had a rocky relationship...husband hard worker..drinks...mama's boy.
Daughter is insecure wanting her husband to stand up for her against his mother's deliberate or daughters interpretation of snubbery. Husband texted me and he sees no problem..but daughter sees and feels she is undermine not accepted and not supported by husband.. ideas?
Marriage counseling no by husband. He doesn't want to choose one over the other. Ideas?

You need to tell him that you do not want to be in the middle of your daughter's marriage. This is not something you can solve for him. If he refuses to go to counseling then he needs to figure out another way to better communicate with his mother and his wife. Either way, it is unfair to put you in the middle of it, there's absolutely nothing you can do. He probably doesn't want to go to counseling because if he's a heavy drinker he doesn't want anyone to call him on it. I think his mother's attitude is probably a small problem and there are other much bigger problems in the marriage. Either way, you should not be put in such a position.

[Trippin2.0]

Easy, he's married, so he must choose his wife. Simple as that, choosing your spouse and forsaking all others.... Blah blah blah


Whether that means standing up for your wife, or explaining to mommy dearest that her behaviour is unwelcome orrrrrr mediating between the two women in order to find some common ground and mutual understanding.


He's not behaving very husbandly, instead he's more cowardly.

He needs to grow a pair, instead of hiding in a corner.

[divine1966]

I would stay away from your daughters marriage. My parents interfered in my marriage constantly judging my ex husband. I didn't stand up to them and it contributed to my divorce. They can decide what's best for them without anyone's interference

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[ChipperMonkey]

Originally Posted by Trippin2.0

Easy, he's married, so he must choose his wife. Simple as that, choosing your spouse and forsaking all others.... Blah blah blah


Whether that means standing up for your wife, or explaining to mommy dearest that her behaviour is unwelcome orrrrrr mediating between the two women in order to find some common ground and mutual understanding.


He's not behaving very husbandly, instead he's more cowardly.

He needs to grow a pair, instead of hiding in a corner.

EXACTLY what I was going to say!

Yeah, it is easy. When you grow up and get married, your new family (wife, kids) come FIRST!

Inaction, indecision IS a choice!

[donna450]

Thank you for your feedback. I think I'll ask my daughter to read some comments in here and get some of her frustrations.
She tends to want to be accepted by his family and any perceived dig puts her in a tizzy. Husband does not see it. But she needs to make herself happy instead of judging slight comments that is perceived as personal attacks. She's got to learn she won't change in-laws and even husband. She needs to grow a thicker skin. She won't get therapy I've suggested that before and she thinks she has to make all the changes herself feeling she's right that it means her fault. That she is the only one trying. One daughter who shrinks at abortive comment per daughter very self sufficient. Opposing pillars. Thanks again.