[doggiedo]

I'm not in the best place right now and my boyfriends complaining is getting on my nerves. We've been together for a year and a half and live together. He's working extra hours- and by that I mean an extra hour or 30 min per day and another 4 on Saturdays. I get that it sucks, but he needs the money- he gets time and a half for overtime. He can also say no if he doesn't want to go. He plays pool twice a week with his buddies and he doesn't get home until after 11 usually. It's a long week!

But I'm in school full time getting my PhD and I'm working full time and making it work! I have a dog, take him to doggie daycare, still see my parents every weekend for a visit. I make it work all while going through a tough depression. I want to tell him to suck it the F up. Come on! Pull up your big boy pants and get it done!

All he does is come home and complain. He's tired, exhausted, fees crumby, it's running him down, etc. I mean then he is like- oh I think I'm getting sick. No, you're tired. U had Sunday to do nothing but watch tv. Yet that's not enough "downtime" for him he says. He wants to take a vacation but he hasn't accrued enough time at work. So he's only getting long weekends for Xmas and for thanksgiving. But he's quick to point out those aren't real vacations. What? Not a real vacation? My dad works a manual labor job and has to take Xmas off with no pay. Heck yes it's a vacation! Be thankful for what you have!

This weekend he had Sunday to do nothing- nothing. He legit watched tv all day and was still like- I'm exhausted. I told him he should go to the doc and get bloodwork and stuff. He just always feels crumby. My best friend thinks I should tell him he's complaining too much but I'm afraid he'll back lash and say I complain too much. I do. I know I probably do and I am always trying to think positively. It's hard though. I get it. I afraid to rock the boat. He's so sensitive. But it's really driving me nuts.

I don't even ask him to do laundry, vacuum or the dishes bc he's too tired. He offers but I say no. I'm gonna start saying yes. Screw it.

[NewCommer]

What have you told him exactly?
There's nothing wrong in communicating what you think it isn't all right in your relationship, but you need to tell him exactly what you think it is wrong?

He seems he has lost some motivation (at least from my point of view), that's why he does nothing but work.

Try to speak to him and tell him how you feel (as calm as possible) and make him know that you want him to get better, enjoying himself and your relationship.

Communication is my advice. Be safe, and good luck

[annabellacat]

Originally Posted by doggiedo

I'm not in the best place right now and my boyfriends complaining is getting on my nerves. We've been together for a year and a half and live together. He's working extra hours- and by that I mean an extra hour or 30 min per day and another 4 on Saturdays. I get that it sucks, but he needs the money- he gets time and a half for overtime. He can also say no if he doesn't want to go. He plays pool twice a week with his buddies and he doesn't get home until after 11 usually. It's a long week!

But I'm in school full time getting my PhD and I'm working full time and making it work! I have a dog, take him to doggie daycare, still see my parents every weekend for a visit. I make it work all while going through a tough depression. I want to tell him to suck it the F up. Come on! Pull up your big boy pants and get it done!

All he does is come home and complain. He's tired, exhausted, fees crumby, it's running him down, etc. I mean then he is like- oh I think I'm getting sick. No, you're tired. U had Sunday to do nothing but watch tv. Yet that's not enough "downtime" for him he says. He wants to take a vacation but he hasn't accrued enough time at work. So he's only getting long weekends for Xmas and for thanksgiving. But he's quick to point out those aren't real vacations. What? Not a real vacation? My dad works a manual labor job and has to take Xmas off with no pay. Heck yes it's a vacation! Be thankful for what you have!

This weekend he had Sunday to do nothing- nothing. He legit watched tv all day and was still like- I'm exhausted. I told him he should go to the doc and get bloodwork and stuff. He just always feels crumby. My best friend thinks I should tell him he's complaining too much but I'm afraid he'll back lash and say I complain too much. I do. I know I probably do and I am always trying to think positively. It's hard though. I get it. I afraid to rock the boat. He's so sensitive. But it's really driving me nuts.

I don't even ask him to do laundry, vacuum or the dishes bc he's too tired. He offers but I say no. I'm gonna start saying yes. Screw it.

I predict a breakup soon.

[ChipperMonkey]

Wow. From what you said, it seems that you don't have much compassion for others and their struggles. Remember, not everyone is like you. Just because you do fine with working full time, taking care of a dog and getting your phd doesn't mean that everyone can handle that kind of intensity. It's a bit cruel to have the "be thankkful for what you have" attitude because the translation that people actually hear is "you have no right to complain because others have it worse". This is extremely hurtful. I'm sorry that your own mental health issues haven't taught you to be compassionate for others. I know it's hard to listen to others complain all of the time, but the suck it up, buttercup sort of response isn't always helpful. Tough love can be helpful, but it has to come out of genuine care for the person and not just a wish for them to shut up and automatically be happy so you don't have to deal with them anymore.

[TishaBuv]

It might just be his nature to be a whiner. My husband has belly ached about his job forever. I've listened, tried to help solve his issues, then realized he just likes to whine. Eventually I asked him to not come home being such a downer anymore. Either go to the gym or the bar, but blow off steam before blowing in like a black cloud. So he doesn't say anything usually, still doesn't blow off steam, and he tunes out the world by watching TV or on his iPhone. Bottom line, he is a perfectionist and can't stand when others don't give him the respect he believes he deserves. He told me even in kindergarten, he couldn't tolerate the disregard by the other kids for messing up his way of doing things. "I can't tolerate this kind of behavior", he told the teacher.

[divine1966]

Why do you say no when he offers help around the house? Just wonder.

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[doggiedo]

I don't think we will break up soon. I was simply just venting online. After I wrote that I did talk with him for over an hour and he said he didn't realize he was doing it. I feel like I do have compassion but everyone has their breaking point. I guess I was looking for support or a sympathetic ear. Maybe I expect too much? Now I feel like a jerk.

In response to me turning down his help...I don't know why I turn it down. Bc I know he's been super busy and id rather he relax than have to vacuum or whatever. I know it sounds passive aggressive. Like I want him to help but I'm not taking him up on his offer.

Just kind of came to a head with me last night. Sorry if you think of me as rude, lacking compassion or on the verge of a breakup. Not how I intended to come across or how I perceived my reaction to his complaining.

[divine1966]

I don't think you are rude or lacking compassion at all but you two just don't sound like a team. Like something is lacking here

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[TishaBuv]

You don't sound like a jerk at all. What better place to vent than on an anonymous forum ;-)?

[dahlianoire29]

I understand where you're coming from. I feel like my fiance complains way too much as well but then I realized is because he's been spoiled all his life so any work is the end of the world to him. It's tough for us girls who are made out of brick with our strength and don't understand oothers' weaknesses but I've just come to the realization that other ppl are not as strong as us and instead of being annoyed (or trying not to be annoyed) we have to understand that everyone is made differently and ppl handle things differently. If his complaining still annoys you, just simply tell him that it's making you upset.

[annabellacat]

Originally Posted by doggiedo

I don't think we will break up soon. I was simply just venting online. After I wrote that I did talk with him for over an hour and he said he didn't realize he was doing it. I feel like I do have compassion but everyone has their breaking point. I guess I was looking for support or a sympathetic ear. Maybe I expect too much? Now I feel like a jerk.

In response to me turning down his help...I don't know why I turn it down. Bc I know he's been super busy and id rather he relax than have to vacuum or whatever. I know it sounds passive aggressive. Like I want him to help but I'm not taking him up on his offer.

Just kind of came to a head with me last night. Sorry if you think of me as rude, lacking compassion or on the verge of a breakup. Not how I intended to come across or how I perceived my reaction to his complaining.

Sorry,i didn't mean to sound negative. It just seems you aren't appreciating him and like there's not much spark. Everyone is different and some people may get fed up easier. I don't think you seem rude. I am just sensing you both arent really appreciating each other and lacking spark. I would be annoyed,too if i were you.