[C2015]

My mom and I have no relationship. She and I didn't really have a relationship in 2015. Rarely did she ever call me. It's been over a year since she's been to my apartment. She hasn't asked me anything about my new boyfriend. It's like I don't exist to her. My sister is her Golden Child her favorite. She does everything for my sister but does nothing for me. She even told me she couldn't get me a gallon of store brand milk and I should ask my Dad. Anytime I need extra groceries he gets them for me. The other day my step mom said to let her know when ever I need any and they didn't mind getting them for me.

I've learned not to ask my mom for anything. My Dad and step mom always help me when I need it. My step mom is the only mother I have. If it weren't for my step mom I would not have a mother.

My boyfriend and I have all ready from time to time talk about getting married. I told my step mom I wanted her to help me plan the wedding and I didn't want my mother there. She said I would have to do it on my Dad's tight budget since she knew my mom wouldn't give me any money if she wasn't invited. I said I would rather do it on his tight budget than invite her. All my mom would do is make me miserable and probably make me cry. Which is why I don't want her there. If it were up to my step mom I would have more spending for the wedding but it's my Dad who is tight with money. She doesn't have a daughter so I'm the only daughter she has. She often does things for me and tells me not to tell my Dad.

Should I feel guilty for not inviting my mom when she choose to kick me out of her life?

[marmaduke]

NO.
Don't invite her and don't feel guilty.
You have nothing to feel guilty about. Invite her and she'll just mess it all up.
Don't even tell her any of your plans. The less she knows the better.
My mother had her *golden child* apsolutely adored her wonder child (another narcissistic b###h)
Mother did everything for her and nothing for me.
They don't change.

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[JustJenny]

I got married last year. My husband's father was not invited because 1) they don't talk to each other 2) he has a heavy drinking problem. My husband was very concerned that his father would show up even though he is not invited, but he didn't.

With my mother it's a different story. I had to invite her although I was afraid that we would fight. She is not a bad mean person, we just don't get along really well. Throughout the wedding she was obviously too worried (it was creeping me out a little) and she would treat me as a child, telling me to behave at the table and not speak too loud. Long story short, at the end of the day we had a fight where I said she should stop treating me like I am a small child and she told me what a horrible person I am, that my family in-law will soon find out how bad I really am and that every time she talks to me she wants to kill herself. I was shocked. I didn't want to stay in a fight with her on my wedding day so I went and apologized to her.

And that's how I remember my wedding day.

And now to answer your question... Since she is not involved in your life and her presence there will not make you happy - do not invite her and do not feel guilty about it.

[healingme4me]

I didn't invite my father. Even though the marriage dissolved, I still have no regrets about not wanting him to be there.

Some parent/(adult) child relationships are strained and toxic. They just are what they are. If it'll only make you miserable on Your Special Day, why bother?

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[Trippin2.0]

Guilt is a terrible thing, most of us work our butts off to process it.


So please don't go looking for it when you don't have any to begin with.


You're guilt free because you are staying true to yourself and your conscience is clear.


Perfect!


Don't invite her, I can't think of one good reason why you should.

[divine1966]

My therapist says it is ok to cut out toxic relatives. My ex's daughter didn't want to invite her mother but was guilted in to it. Sure enough mother and her boyfriend got drunk ( before the ceremony not even wedding reception) and started embarrassing commotion with picking fights, falling down on the floor and BF running towards the altar drunk and it continued at the reception, she luckily passed out half through but he went on etc wedding was pretty much ruined. So don't invite her

But on totally different topic. Finances are a big reason for divorce so don't rush into anything. If you are having difficulty obtaining basic groceries even as cheap as milk you might have a difficult time as a couple. Make sure you two or at least one of you have stable income that allows for basics

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[C2015]

Thank you everyone for your responses. I have a disability check and he works a full time job.

My Dad actually worried about my mom's feeling on not being invited. When I get married I don't think I am telling her until the wedding is over. The only one from her family I want at my wedding is my aunt and my uncle. If I invited my mom that would cause a big scene me inviting her brother and his wife. She hasn't spoken to them in nearly 10 years since their mother died. My aunt is a beautician and always cuts and styles my hair for free. I asked if she would do my hair when I get married and she said she would.

I have been seeing my boyfriend for one month. She hasn't asked me one thing about him. I told my step mom I'm not even introducing him to my mom. He met my step mom & Dad on the first date. He met my brother on the second date. The only family members I plan on inviting is my step mom & my Dad, my aunt and uncle and my brother. My boyfriend has a huge family so the guests will mainly be from his family. I'm not inviting my sisters. They never want anything to do with me.

Thank you everyone for your response now I don't feel much guilt.

[eskielover]

Wise to not feel guilt. There are just some people we are better off without in our lives whether related to them or not.

[IrisBloom]

It is your wedding, not theirs. You have every right to invite who you want to be there. You should not feel guilty. I hope you have a beautiful wedding and a very happy day!

Try not to worry about what will happen after with your mother and/or others. There will be time enough for that later. Just enjoy your day with your prince!

[JustJenny]

To our wedding we invited my husbands uncle from his father side, but not his father himself. It was fine!

[TishaBuv]

Of course you should not feel guilty. You don't have to invite anyone to you wedding you don't want there. The question is Do you feel guilty? Are you going to regret not inviting her? If the answer to those are No, then you can feel good about your choice.

[C2015]

Two years ago before I met my ex I made it plan and clear to my mom my sister would not be invited to my wedding. Then a few months later I met my ex. We got engaged rather quickly. My mom had the nerve to ask if my sister could help at my wedding. My mom wanted to cook the food at my reception without asking me. I didn't want her cooking I wanted it catered just like she let my sister. I told her no my sister can't help. My mom said fine I will do it by my damn self then. She said it very hateful. Then she said I can have a chapel wedding and not a church wedding. In other words the only way she was giving me a church wedding was if my sister that I despise could be there. My sister is her Golden Child. My sister and I do not get along. We are to different. My sister is just like out mother. She looks and acts like her. Everyone says I look more like my father and I act more like him. My psychiatrist agreed with me that's why my mom doesn't like me. He's even told me to stay away from my mom.

When my ex and I were in Florida two years ago after getting engaged my mom tried her best to make us get married while we were in Florida with her. My mom wants to be at my wedding so badly. I just don't want her there. She's not my mother. My step mom is my mother. My Brother was real sweet he knows how much I love his mother and said he didn't mind sharing her. My brother and I have the same Dad his mom is my step mom. My step mom said my brother is more like me than our sister.

[C2015]

Even though my boyfriend and I aren't engaged yet I've made up my mind my mom is not being invited. My boyfriend has all ready said he wants to meet the people I say positive things about. I know he would be supportive and agree with me on not inviting my mom.

[C2015]

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

Of course you should not feel guilty. You don't have to invite anyone to you wedding you don't want there. The question is Do you feel guilty? Are you going to regret not inviting her? If the answer to those are No, then you can feel good about your choice.

I would not regret it. It would make the day better without her there. By the time we get engaged I doubt I would feel guilty. Another reason I don't want her there is she verbally abuses me. She is also an alcoholic.

[divine1966]

Sounds good. Just don't rush ( you've been only dating a month?) on other hand we knew in about 2 months of dating that we will marry one day. So there are no rules. Good luck


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[C2015]

Originally Posted by divine1966

Sounds good. Just don't rush ( you've been only dating a month?) on other hand we knew in about 2 months of dating that we will marry one day. So there are no rules. Good luck


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Thank you. He actually said on the first date he hopes he can put a ring on my finger one day. He also said he loved me on the first date. Every day since the first date he says he loves me every day.

[eskielover]

Just beware rushing into anything let alone relationships. Each different experience you have with someone you get to know them better & sometimes you find things that end up being huge red flags...& with someone telling you they love you all the time...it can sometimes mask some serious red flags.

I met a guy in September when I was a junior at the university...he was graduating. Things seemed ok....nice guy. It wasn't until after he graduated & we went to northern calif on a job interview that I saw red flags...personality issues....right before the wedding. I wanted to call it off....my mom talked me out of what I saw as red flags & went ahead with the wedding....HUGE MISTAKE. I ended up staying 33 years of fighting & one daughter. I finally left & looking back it was for the same reasons I saw the red flags. Just don't jump into marriage because you are desperate to have someone care about you. I wasn't desperate....realized I never did love him from the beginning because of those red flag issues.

I grew up with dysfunctional parents & had no idea what love felt or acted like at the age of 22 & being an only child had no one to discuss the dysfunction with.

[divine1966]

Well honestly no one can love anyone on the first date. Or say he'll put a ring on your finger? I would be concerned why somebody do that on the first date? I was scammed before and am very weary of people who profess deep feelings right away.

My ex proposed to me after about month and a half and we were married 3 months later. We were crazy in love. My ex is a good man and I would never change it ( we raised awesome daughter and he is s great father). Our marriage didn't last though because we truly didn't know each other and he was too immature and sucked as a husband

. Don't marry in a rush and don't have sex too soon. Become friends first

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[specialneedsmom]

I think you should not feel guilty at all. It is your wedding, regardless of who pays for it.

[ChipperMonkey]

I think that you should slow down.

You met your ex and became engaged quite quickly and that didn't work out. You're not officially engaged, but already talking about marriage with this new guy.

This guy doesn't love you and you don't love this guy. (Sorry to say....True love takes time to cultivate. You're riding high on the wave of infatuation right now. It won't last forever.) I'm not saying it can't develop into love, rather when he told you on the first date that he loved you....sorry, but no, that's not love. Actually, jumping to the "L" word quickly is a red flag. This guy could be sweet talking you so that he can rope you in before you learn about his true nature. He may not be abusive, but a lot of the time this is how abusive people work.

Why the rush? Why the need to get married so soon? The end goal isn't marriage (contrary to popular belief). The end goal is finding a suitable partner, and jumping into marriage with a guy you barely know is not exactly the best way to go about finding a life mate.

[divine1966]

I have to add or maybe I already said that if you can't afford groceries you should not get married yet ( unless maybe he is well off?). I don't know how old you are but maybe you two can focus on schooling and jobs first

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