Friend is demanding

LucyD · Dec 30, 2015, 06:35 PM

I made friends with this guy earlier this year and little by little he has been getting me to give him money and buy him alcohol. He has no money and is waiting to get on disability. Many where I live have helped him out in different ways. Now he is expecting me to buy him booze all the time. Today he said he is in pain and needs alcohol badly and that he would be screaming in pain soon. I told him to go to his doctor. I have been helping him out by giving him small jobs to do around my apt. and paying him a little. I bought him a set of towels for Christmas and gave him twenty dollars as another gift for Christmas. Now he is hinting to me all the time that he needs money and wants booze. I know I am at fault for letting it go this far and feeling so sorry for him. But now I am laid up with a broken foot and he is telling me he needs alcohol so badly over and over and how much pain he is in. I can't take it anymore and don't want to be bothered. I'm not responsible for him!! I want him to leave me alone. I blocked him from calling my home phone and changed my cell phone number. I didn't answer my buzzer when he buzzed today. I have had it. I want to tell him to find someone else to help him because I can't any more. I am going broke and am on SSI which is a meager income. He is not very nice much of the time anymore and I just want him to leave me alone already. Any advice?

marmaduke · Dec 30, 2015, 06:57 PM

Just tell him you are skint totally out of money.

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DechanDawa · Dec 30, 2015, 07:00 PM

You will probably have to get very firm and he might get nasty because he knows he can't manipulate you.

DechanDawa · Dec 30, 2015, 07:02 PM

I don't agree with telling him you are out of money. Just be firm that you have helped him as much as you want to help. You do not need to offer any explanation. Don't give him any information that he can use to further manipulate you. I am glad you posted here to get support to nip this right now before it gets worse.

Dec 30, 2015, 07:30 PM

I agree. This is something you probably should not have started and can be a good lesson

LucyD · Dec 30, 2015, 07:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by marmaduke

Just tell him you are skint totally out of money.

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I have thought about doing that. Telling him I spent all of my savings. Thank you for your comment.

LucyD · Dec 30, 2015, 07:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DechanDawa

You will probably have to get very firm and he might get nasty because he knows he can't manipulate you.

He already gets nasty with me. I will get very firm. Am thinking of sending him a letter.

LucyD · Dec 30, 2015, 07:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by April72

I agree. This is something you probably should not have started and can be a good lesson

I guess trying to help someone is something we all shouldn't do??

LucyD · Dec 30, 2015, 07:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DechanDawa

I don't agree with telling him you are out of money. Just be firm that you have helped him as much as you want to help. You do not need to offer any explanation. Don't give him any information that he can use to further manipulate you. I am glad you posted here to get support to nip this right now before it gets worse.

I am going to send him a letter and tell him I am unable to help him any further.

LookingforCalm · Dec 30, 2015, 08:11 PM

You're afraid of him, aren't you?

I'm so sorry. Is there anyone that can help you when you talk to him?

I really am sorry for what you are going through, and this guy has completely taken advantage of your generosity and is now causing you to question yourself as to what kind of person you are. Don't go achangin', love.

This guy deserves nothing more from you. Just be firm that you cannot help him. You just can't. It's sad, but he will find someone else to mooch off of.

Unfortunately, I've been in this situation. I dated a guy like this. He took and took until I said no more. And I still stand by it.

It's not bad to be generous. We all misjudge people. But if you feel you are being taken advantage of, listen to your gut. It's taken me a long time to trust mine, too.

Good luck and I hope everything works out.

LucyD · Dec 30, 2015, 08:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LookingforCalm

You're afraid of him, aren't you?

I'm so sorry. Is there anyone that can help you when you talk to him?

I really am sorry for what you are going through, and this guy has completely taken advantage of your generosity and is now causing you to question yourself as to what kind of person you are. Don't go achangin', love.

This guy deserves nothing more from you. Just be firm that you cannot help him. You just can't. It's sad, but he will find someone else to mooch off of.

Unfortunately, I've been in this situation. I dated a guy like this. He took and took until I said no more. And I still stand by it.

It's not bad to be generous. We all misjudge people. But if you feel you are being taken advantage of, listen to your gut. It's taken me a long time to trust mine, too.

Good luck and I hope everything works out.

Yes, I am kind of scared of him because he is more aggressive than I am. He seems to think I owe him and has almost made me believe I owe him when I know I don't. He over powers me verbally all the time and is even nasty to one of my dear little birdies. I have told him to leave the bird alone. He hasn't touched him but tries to intimidate him and calls him names. I am the one who hears it, the bird doesn't understand what he is saying. Anyways, he is not good for me. I have been very lonely and have drank with him at times. He knows I am lonely and has said to me that he will keep me company while I drink with him. As if he is doing me a favor. He talks badly about most people who have been very good to him so I don't doubt it that he may talk about me in a bad way, too. I have typed up a letter to him. Now I'm going to try to get my nerve to send it to him. Thank you for your message.

ChipperMonkey · Dec 30, 2015, 08:38 PM

You tried to be a good person by helping out this guy, so there is nothing wrong with that! He is in the wrong by continuing to harass you for money and such. Stand firm. Not everyone you try to help will be like this. Unfortunately this guy is a user.

LucyD · Dec 30, 2015, 09:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ChipperMonkey

You tried to be a good person by helping out this guy, so there is nothing wrong with that! He is in the wrong by continuing to harass you for money and such. Stand firm. Not everyone you try to help will be like this. Unfortunately this guy is a user.

Yes, he wants more and more from me and I am just feeling used. So many people are helping him here and he keeps pestering me for alcohol and money. I think he spends it on the lottery. He told me he has a gambling problem and plays the lottery. If he was smart with the money given him he wouldn't need to keep asking for it. Anyhow, I am tired of his crap. Thank you for your feedback.

Flyingnimbus · Dec 30, 2015, 09:09 PM

These are the worst types of people to associate with, those that take advantage of others willingness to help. You did good by blocking him and not answering the buzzer.

LucyD · Dec 30, 2015, 09:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Flyingnimbus

These are the worst types of people to associate with, those that take advantage of others willingness to help. You did good by blocking him and not answering the buzzer.

Thank you and I'm going to continue doing that. Tired of being a doormat.

DechanDawa · Dec 31, 2015, 12:34 AM

Keep posting for support. He took advantage that you were lonely, and you drank together so now he acts like you are friends, and you owe him loyalty etc. Also, he is trying to shame you, and by harassing your bird he's harassing you. You must be strong. Save your generosity for those who you want to give it to. No, it is never never wrong to want to help people. But when the weather changes from sunny to stormy we put on a coat and boots for protection. You've been generous enough with this guy. End of story. After the letter to him or whatever you do for closure, you really should go No Contact with this person.

LucyD · Dec 31, 2015, 01:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DechanDawa

Keep posting for support. He took advantage that you were lonely, and you drank together so now he acts like you are friends, and you owe him loyalty etc. Also, he is trying to shame you, and by harassing your bird he's harassing you. You must be strong. Save your generosity for those who you want to give it to. No, it is never never wrong to want to help people. But when the weather changes from sunny to stormy we put on a coat and boots for protection. You've been generous enough with this guy. End of story. After the letter to him or whatever you do for closure, you really should go No Contact with this person.

He called me today with his other cell phone. I thought I had blocked that too but did not. Now it is blocked. I feel like calling him and telling him to leave me the f alone! I am so sick of him and his nonsense! Thank you for your feed back.

divine1966 · Dec 31, 2015, 03:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LucyD

I guess trying to help someone is something we all shouldn't do??

I don't see how buying someone's alcohol could be considered "help?" I understand buying bread for starving people but neither alcohol nor Christmas towels are a necessity. You are too nice to him.

Also if you are on SSI that money is supposed to be for you as you can't work not for buying booze for random men, not like he is your brother or something.

I know you did it out of goodness of your heart but he is a grown man with alcohol and gambling addiction ( he needs to drink as a pain relief?). You can't really help him by buying drinks or giving money. He needs treatment and it is to him to get it not you

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divine1966 · Dec 31, 2015, 03:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LucyD

He called me today with his other cell phone. I thought I had blocked that too but did not. Now it is blocked. I feel like calling him and telling him to leave me the f alone! I am so sick of him and his nonsense! Thank you for your feed back.

Do not call him. Keep him blocked

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specialneedsmom · Dec 31, 2015, 04:02 PM

Tell him you no longer wish to have a friendship/association with him. Let him go. Block his number if necessary. Block his emails. Do whatever to get rid of him. He only cares about alcohol or what other people can give him. He is a user, a taker.

ComfortablyNumb5 · Dec 31, 2015, 04:04 PM

Well you've been enabling him for so long what do you expect. I don't have much room to talk seeing that I'm the same way with my brother. A pint here, a beer here. It sucks but I know he'll go into withdraw and it's dangerous. When I'm sick of it I just ignore his calls, tell him I'm broke ect. He gives me a guilt trip and can be forceful but ignoring him or declining his calls is all I can do. You say you're scared of this man? Next time he rings your door, call the cops if you have to. It might do him some good. Tell him you refuse to help him unless it's to get into detox. And if he gets sick, don't feel like it's your fault. I know it's hard but it's about all you can do. Keep him blocked and good luck!

LucyD · Dec 31, 2015, 05:17 PM

Thanks for all your feedback.

LucyD · 06:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by divine1966

I don't see how buying someone's alcohol could be considered "help?" I understand buying bread for starving people but neither alcohol nor Christmas towels are a necessity. You are too nice to him.

Also if you are on SSI that money is supposed to be for you as you can't work not for buying booze for random men, not like he is your brother or something.

I know you did it out of goodness of your heart but he is a grown man with alcohol and gambling addiction ( he needs to drink as a pain relief?). You can't really help him by buying drinks or giving money. He needs treatment and it is to him to get it not you

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

I tried to help him by giving him a job! Not the alcohol of course. The towels were a Christmas gift. I don't go around buying booze for random man. He was a good friend of mine, I didn't say that before. We were in a sort of relationship. I have a lot of extra money from my check because I get my housing partially paid for. I want to quit drinking and know I can't if he is in the picture. I know my money is for me and it's going to stay that way now without him. Thanks for your advice!

LucyD · Dec 31, 2015, 05:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by specialneedsmom

Tell him you no longer wish to have a friendship/association with him. Let him go. Block his number if necessary. Block his emails. Do whatever to get rid of him. He only cares about alcohol or what other people can give him. He is a user, a taker.

I have sent him a letter telling him that. I know he is a user.

LucyD · Dec 31, 2015, 06:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by RxQueen875

Well you've been enabling him for so long what do you expect. I don't have much room to talk seeing that I'm the same way with my brother. A pint here, a beer here. It sucks but I know he'll go into withdraw and it's dangerous. When I'm sick of it I just ignore his calls, tell him I'm broke ect. He gives me a guilt trip and can be forceful but ignoring him or declining his calls is all I can do. You say you're scared of this man? Next time he rings your door, call the cops if you have to. It might do him some good. Tell him you refuse to help him unless it's to get into detox. And if he gets sick, don't feel like it's your fault. I know it's hard but it's about all you can do. Keep him blocked and good luck!

I thought I was helping him by giving him a job. He was drinking with me. I developed a drinking problem and he new that. He is worse of a drinker than me though. It has ended. I sent him a letter stopping all money to him and of course no alcohol to him. I told him to go and rely on someone else.

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