[ComfortablyNumb5]

I'm a 28 yo woman and I never had healthy relationships with women growing up. My mom passed away when I was 9 and my dads pregnant gf was quickly moved into our home after. I held a lot of resentment and she was a horrible, mentally abusive person. She would brag to me about my dad leaving my mom for her and tell me sick details about their sex life before I was even old enough to know was sex was. She blackmailed me a lot too and I never spoke up to my dad until years later when they broke up because she became a drug addict. It was some twisted stuff but I could write a book on all the stuff she put our family through.

Well fast forward to my life now. I find that if other women even give the slightest attitude I completely shut down. For example, I started a new job and I'm fine with all the girls there except one in particular. Right from the beginning she was rude and very hesitant to help me at all on the job. She acts like I'm an inconvenience when I'm having trouble with something and just gives attitude so I gave up trying with her. Now when we're both at work I avoid her like the plague. I'll walk around the whole building to avoid walking near her desk or making eye contact. Yea, she scares me. I've brought it up with other workers and they all said she is just like that to people and to not take it seriously. Not so easy when I have issues like I do with anxiety and low self esteem. And I'm like this with other women too. My bf's mom is very condescending towards me and babies him so we step on each others toes often. Now we are on a talking basis again and she has offered to take me out shopping and invited me to her house with my bf's kids but I make up excuses because I can't fathom being able to control my anxiety and fear around her. And then there's my very own grandmother that I still get nervous around because let's face it, she's older and gets grumpy easily and again I shut down.

So I gave enough examples. I should add that I never stand up for myself out of fear. I tend to avoid rather than address the situation. Now when it comes to men I'm completely different. I can be open and speak up. I was raised by my dad and older brother after my mom passed. Growing up I had more guy friends. So why am I like this with women and what can I do to break this cycle? Is anyone else like this? I don't want to be afraid anymore to the point where I will shake and totally shut down. Do I suck it up and stand up for myself? I don't know how!

For those of you that will mention therapy, I intend on getting back into therapy soon. I promise lol

[JustJenny]

Hi there! I am sorry you're going through that. I don't have any advice, I just want you to know I feel for you. Once when I was around 20 I got attacked by a group of teenage girls (they were my size). They wanted to steal my phone. Although they didn't get my phone, they did beat me up. I was scared of teenage girls for years after that. I don't come across these girl groups in secluded places anymore, but if I did I am pretty sure I would freak out and run for my life.

[yagr]

I've never taken the opportunity to say so before, so let me remedy that now. I've read a number of your posts as I've made my way around the forum and I think you're pretty awesome. Just thought you should know.

Anyway, as for this other stuff - this is how I've dealt with similar issues. It's worked for me, your mileage may vary. I think about it and decide what the healthiest and most effective behavior with the person pressing my buttons will be and then I call on my inner thespian. My life, and I suspect yours too, have made us very accomplished actors and actresses. I get into character and then simply act my way through. Usually, it's very effective because I've thought it through when anxiety wasn't getting in the way. If I really embrace the role I am playing, I feel no anxiety or uncertainty until afterwards - and almost 100% of the time, it went better than it would have if I had shown up.

There's something to be said for 'fake it till you make it'. After a while, it becomes second nature when dealing with these people and they become little more than a minor annoyance. At least that's how it has worked for me.

[ComfortablyNumb5]

Originally Posted by yagr

I've never taken the opportunity to say so before, so let me remedy that now. I've read a number of your posts as I've made my way around the forum and I think you're pretty awesome. Just thought you should know.

Anyway, as for this other stuff - this is how I've dealt with similar issues. It's worked for me, your mileage may vary. I think about it and decide what the healthiest and most effective behavior with the person pressing my buttons will be and then I call on my inner thespian. My life, and I suspect yours too, have made us very accomplished actors and actresses. I get into character and then simply act my way through. Usually, it's very effective because I've thought it through when anxiety wasn't getting in the way. If I really embrace the role I am playing, I feel no anxiety or uncertainty until afterwards - and almost 100% of the time, it went better than it would have if I had shown up.

There's something to be said for 'fake it till you make it'. After a while, it becomes second nature when dealing with these people and they become little more than a minor annoyance. At least that's how it has worked for me.

Thank you, you made my day! And yea I feel like I'm faking it all the time and at the same time there's a storm going on in my head. It builds up and sometimes can be a trigger into a mixed episode. Ignorance is bliss in my situations and I need to let it out somehow so I guess I was blowing off steam by posting. Whether or not I get replies I guess I needed to get out my frustration with people by posting.

[specialneedsmom]

I don't necessarily think its an unreasonable fear to have. Some women are particularly cruel to other women. Don't count on other women at work to mentor you. Look for a male co-worker instead for advice or help. Especially if you have trust issues with other women.