[BlueCrustacean]

I'll see if posting this here in a better worded way will help me get better insights.

I'm obsessed with a celebrity musician who back 20 years ago wrote a deeply painful, depressing album about a bad divorce, and it's really affected me, even though I've never dated anyone long enough to have a relationship in the first place. I play little movies in my head about their arguments, his anger, heartache and depression, etc, and I play his part and feel how horrible it feels. I actually cry about it, and it makes me depressed and distracts me from my real life. The past few days I've gotten better, but today for some reason I stepped WAY backward and started crying about it again.

I am trying to change my life for the better, and I may actually be getting somewhere soon, and it may be stressing me out. I honestly have no idea why I get this obsessed and feel these feelings when it's not my situation, and it happened well in the past anyway. Why do I keep digging it up like it's real now? Why can't I just let it go and not bother to get triggered by it? Why do I insist on making it my problem and my reality?

[Rose3]

Maybe you're trying to enhance your understanding of this kind of situation? And in this way - it helps you think about things?

[BlueCrustacean]

Yes, on some level I try to understand how a breakup can happen to people who have loved each other intensely, and hurt somebody that I'm so in love with, and I try to understand what it feels like to be in that sort of situation, but it completely destroys my joy and productivity, and makes me ruminate in negative thoughts. Sometimes I worry that these thoughts will scare me out of ever starting a serious relationship.

[Perry Gunite]

I suspect you are trying to relate.
When the right one comes along, the rest will fade.

[BlueCrustacean]

Originally Posted by Perry Gunite

I suspect you are trying to relate.
When the right one comes along, the rest will fade.

I hope so. I hope that once I get into a real relationship, I will forget about this and it won't come back to haunt me. I am worried, though, that this is just a sign of deeper, major emotional/relationship problems that will ALWAYS plague me and make all of my relationships harder.

Whenever I get even slightly depressed or angry, this thought pattern tends to come up again and again. It's so intense and persistent that I think it may be trying to tell me something, but I have no idea what the hell to do about it.

[TishaBuv]

I've been trying to analyze my own obsessive relationship thoughts and read about Relationship OCD. Interestingly, you have developed this over a relationship that wasn't even your own. Even though you did not experience it, you are still feeling all the emotions as though you did.

[divine1966]

I get obsessed with random things. It is not bad enough to be diagnosed but my fiancée is diagnosed with OCD and it's pretty bad ( he functions very well with Meds and CBT therapy). Were you ever diagnosed with OCD?

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[BlueCrustacean]

It seems to ramp up more intensely in times of stress and big change for me. It's my favorite obsessive thought spiral to go to. Sometimes I think it may be my mind's way of saying "NO! DON'T CHANGE! DON'T BECOME HAPPY! Keep focusing on him and not YOU!"

Or maybe it's just pure escapism. I don't know, I'll try to just stamp this out I guess, whenever it comes up, instead of trying to figure it out. I hope that isn't repression.

Is it a form of self-harm?

I don't know much about it, but I know that I also can want to bury myself in sadness and cry my eyes out.

I know it's not good though...

[ShineYourLight]

Your not a lone my frined I do this all the time! I love music, probably more then you do haha. But when I finally made the decision for myself because i knew it was healthy and right to block a lot of music i knew was going to effect me, i was changed. Sometimes i even have to get up and walk away (hint) (hint)

[BlueCrustacean]

I decided to finally listen to a song made AFTER that album, that seemed to be more hopeful and joyful, and now I feel a lot more closure, even after I've told myself over and over again that the past is over. I feel a lot better now, and I'm no longer worried about him (and I never needed to be in the first place). Music is more effective than anything else. Listening to positivity and self-esteem audio is also helping. Thanks guys!

[Lazarus16]

What an inspiring message, I'm truly happy for you that you seem to feel much better! Take care and keep listening to music, it has extraordinary healing properties.

[PISCES 71]

Hi Kelly,

I'm an older man of much experience. I've read some of your history here and am familiar with your feelings and thoughts.

This struck me: "I think that once your self-esteem is really strong, you look at your surroundings, even if they're terrible, and see possibilities of how to change it, or look at what's good, instead of letting it get you down. Confidence is attitude, and a good attitude is key for any situation that you're in. Then there's nothing you can't overcome. "

Self-esteem + Possibilities + Confidence + Attitude = Success ?

There's only one thing lacking....perception. Perception trumps reality. People will see what you accurately project. As you may surmise from my name, I'm into Astrology. You need to project positive images...to do that, you need to find out what your Ascendant sign is. It will tell you how to express that image most effectively. Only your natal horoscope can tell you that. It requires knowledge of your DofB, location, and time. I regard natal traits as completely accurate...as opposed to daily blurbs or other less reliable aspects of the science. My signature quote says it all.

There are several sites on the net offering free natal horoscopes.