[Quanticia]

A question to all you fellow introverts out there: how do you cope with the search for love? How do you "stick" with someone, despite not going out much or not talking much? How do you keep the interest alive?

From the few guys I've gotten along in my 30 yrs, only two didn't friendzone me, the one turned out to be gay and the other wouldn't shut up with the petty small talk... I just don't know how to make it work (I have ADHD too to make things worse ) I'm honestly interested in everyone's experience, but links with suggestions that could be helpful are also welcome ^^

[MusicianMan20]

Originally Posted by Quanticia

A question to all you fellow introverts out there: how do you cope with the search for love? How do you "stick" with someone, despite not going out much or not talking much? How do you keep the interest alive?

From the few guys I've gotten along in my 30 yrs, only two didn't friendzone me, the one turned out to be gay and the other wouldn't shut up with the petty small talk... I just don't know how to make it work (I have ADHD too to make things worse ) I'm honestly interested in everyone's experience, but links with suggestions that could be helpful are also welcome ^^

It is hard. You will have to put yourself out there and actually lool for someone even though that can be hard if you are introverted. I personally have horrible experience with relationships. I don't go outside at all anymore and am depressed an lonely. You have to work hard to keep a relationship especially in this case. Relationships are different for everyone and we all have problems. But trust me if you really want a relationship and you are trying you will find someone you just have to look. If someone can't help you and have a relationship with you regardless of how introverted you are and regardless of your ADHD then they aren't trying. And for a relationship to work both sides have to try or it won't last. I am sorry I don't have much experience and didn't help, your question is an answer I have yet to answer completely myself.

[ChipperMonkey]

It's hard. I'm an introvert, too.

I get stuck in the "in order to have friends/a relationship you must already have people in your life". Yeah, I dated a guy last year and he actually called me a loner! Ouch. It was hurtful. Yea, I am an introvert but I also have PTSD. Naturally I'd be a bit more social, but I go through frequent periods of isolation because I get anxious, overwhelmed, and then shut down. I DON'T choose to be completed alone.

[Quanticia]

*hugs everyone*
We have to push ourselves up to a point then, I guess...
ChipperMonkey-nice signature, made me smile XD

[Webgoji]

I guess I'm an introvert (at least that's what all the personality tests and such as that say), but I've been married for over 15 years. Being an introvert is different than being antisocial. Introverted means your emotional energy comes from inside you, not from others. Extraverts get their emotional energy from others and feed on it. So we introverts need time to recharge our emotional batteries so to speak.

So to develop a bond with someone is actually no different for an introvert than an extrovert. You have to spend time developing and nurturing your bond with that other person. Yes, you may not be interested in going to parties where extraverts can feed on your emotional energy, but you still need to bond with conversation, spending time together, going to movies or plays or the museum, etc.

Learn how to recharge yourself as well. Snuggling on the couch watching a movie with your significant other can be a great way to recharge as well as further build the bond between you both. Having a quiet dinner together at home or a picnic are good ways to both recharge your emotional energy and build your relationship.

[ChipperMonkey]

Originally Posted by Webgoji

I guess I'm an introvert (at least that's what all the personality tests and such as that say), but I've been married for over 15 years. Being an introvert is different than being antisocial. Introverted means your emotional energy comes from inside you, not from others. Extraverts get their emotional energy from others and feed on it. So we introverts need time to recharge our emotional batteries so to speak.

So to develop a bond with someone is actually no different for an introvert than an extrovert. You have to spend time developing and nurturing your bond with that other person. Yes, you may not be interested in going to parties where extraverts can feed on your emotional energy, but you still need to bond with conversation, spending time together, going to movies or plays or the museum, etc.

Learn how to recharge yourself as well. Snuggling on the couch watching a movie with your significant other can be a great way to recharge as well as further build the bond between you both. Having a quiet dinner together at home or a picnic are good ways to both recharge your emotional energy and build your relationship.

To some introverts, recharge time is truly spent alone. I don't think that what you're describing applies to true introverts as you're still recharging in the presence of others. It's extroversion to a lesser degree.

[avlady]

i once met an introverted couple who looked so peaceful when they were together. not one of them said a word but i could see how much in love they were and how they enjoyed each others company. no words were said they just enjoyed the silence.

[CopperStar]

I guess some people get lucky with that sort of thing.

My brother met his lady at work. My brother is like me as far as being very introverted and nerdy. This gal turned out to be the same. They spend their shared free time cuddled on the couch in pajama pants, eating Chinese takeout and playing video games / watching shows, both completely content. They married this past Fall.

[Quanticia]

Originally Posted by CopperStar

I guess some people get lucky with that sort of thing.

My brother met his lady at work. My brother is like me as far as being very introverted and nerdy. This gal turned out to be the same. They spend their shared free time cuddled on the couch in pajama pants, eating Chinese takeout and playing video games / watching shows, both completely content. They married this past Fall.

That sounds really sweet! I wish I can have a relationship such as this one day. I hope all of us will

In any case, it doesn't look easy to find someone before getting a job... All the nice, cuddly stuff I like needs one to have their own space and resources (I am currently a student and live with my parents)

Originally Posted by Quanticia

That sounds really sweet! I wish I can have a relationship such as this one day. I hope all of us will

In any case, it doesn't look easy to find someone before getting a job... All the nice, cuddly stuff I like needs one to have their own space and resources (I am currently a student and live with my parents)

Plenty of people meet Significant others when studying (I did), you really don't need much (materially) when you meet someone you hit it off with/care about.

As an introvert it is harder to meet people in that you do need to push out of that comfort zone and get out there, you can do this quietly and on your own terms however. What makes you tick? Maybe join a hobby group for that thing and you will meet people who share your interest, statistically some of them are bound to be introverts.

The more you get out there the more you increase the likelihood of meeting someone, and even if nothing romantic comes from it you may well make some new friends.

Good luck to you.

[CopperStar]

Originally Posted by Quanticia

That sounds really sweet! I wish I can have a relationship such as this one day. I hope all of us will

In any case, it doesn't look easy to find someone before getting a job... All the nice, cuddly stuff I like needs one to have their own space and resources (I am currently a student and live with my parents)

Not sure about Greece but here in the U.S. multi-generational households have become a bit more common as more people struggle in the economy, so it's not as huge a deal. My brother and his wife got their own place only months before getting married. Prior to that they were both living with her mother, because my brother has been attending college (almost finished now), and he simply could not afford all of his own living expenses while also putting himself through college. This did not stop him and his lady from dating for years, though. I think it does help if your partner comes from a similar economic background, though, so that there is genuine mutual understanding.

[Quanticia]

prefabsprout - You have a point ^^ I meet lots of people at the art school, maybe there is someone I haven't met yet. I'll try talking to new people. And maybe I can join some online chat sites, since I work a lot at home... I prefer real-life meetings, but I should probably give it a shot.

CopperStar-That sounds promising A relative of mine just married too, but they don't have their own home, they're technically homeless. Many people in Greece (the majority, I think) live with their parents now due to the crisis. But my cousin is really outgoing and social. I don't know how to function outside the house in a relationship - I mean, you go for a walk, for a coffee, a movie and then what? That is where the boredom comes in and it scares me. It REALLY scares me!
But since others can do it maybe I figure it out too (somehow )

[specialneedsmom]

I am a introverted. I found it easier to meet men online first. Then after exchanging a few emails, we would meet.
This was easier for me than going to parties, clubs or bars. I don't do well in large groups of people.

I didn't marry until age 37 and until I was 30 years old, I'd never had a serious relationship in my life. I married someone I met online.

Online dating isn't for everyone, because some people are not savvy enough to deal with it. If someone won't agree to meet with you after a few weeks of exchanging emails, stop talking to them and move on to someone else. I also wouldn't talk to anyone online who lived long distance. They had to be willing to meet in person, in a public place first. If they don't want to meet in person, they are hiding something.

[darlingbaby]

Im an introvert but married an extrovert and it's worked out well. 15 years! I have no idea how it happened but she took a liking to me and one thing led to another. I like to be quiet while she likes to talk a lot. She does a lot of outdoor activities like ski/surf/mountain climb etc... I do it sometimes but she understands when I don't want to. Maybe she likes that I give her the freedom to go out and do anything she wants while I've seen in other relationships the husband or wife need 'permission' from the other to do anything.

I guess OP what I"m trying to say is don't just look for introverts if you're an introvert. It can work out the other way too

[Quanticia]

Originally Posted by specialneedsmom

I am a introverted. I found it easier to meet men online first. Then after exchanging a few emails, we would meet.
This was easier for me than going to parties, clubs or bars. I don't do well in large groups of people.

I didn't marry until age 37 and until I was 30 years old, I'd never had a serious relationship in my life. I married someone I met online.

Online dating isn't for everyone, because some people are not savvy enough to deal with it. If someone won't agree to meet with you after a few weeks of exchanging emails, stop talking to them and move on to someone else. I also wouldn't talk to anyone online who lived long distance. They had to be willing to meet in person, in a public place first. If they don't want to meet in person, they are hiding something.

Thx for the suggestion
What sites did you get into to meet people? Just wondering ^^

[harleybikerwi]

Originally Posted by Quanticia

A question to all you fellow introverts out there: how do you cope with the search for love? How do you "stick" with someone, despite not going out much or not talking much? How do you keep the interest alive?

From the few guys I've gotten along in my 30 yrs, only two didn't friendzone me, the one turned out to be gay and the other wouldn't shut up with the petty small talk... I just don't know how to make it work (I have ADHD too to make things worse ) I'm honestly interested in everyone's experience, but links with suggestions that could be helpful are also welcome ^^

If only I can get past the first date, maybe I could help you here. Sorry.

[yagr]

Originally Posted by Quanticia

A question to all you fellow introverts out there: how do you cope with the search for love? How do you "stick" with someone, despite not going out much or not talking much? How do you keep the interest alive?

Well, my situation is so different, I'm not sure how much help I could possibly be, but in the event it does...

I saw the woman who was to become my wife and knew. It was instant recognition. So, I wasted no time; I went up to her and informed her I was going to spend the rest of my life with her. That was thirty years ago. Best decision of my life.

Now, for a more practical suggestion: I have found that pen pals - old fashioned letter writing, is a very effective way of meeting people for us introverted folks. People, both you and whoever, tend to open up and share more in letters - breaking down walls that we tend to keep up in person. Good luck!

[Trippin2.0]

Idk hey, after the initial meeting, I don't think it takes THAT much work, because you're in the getting to know each other stage, so there's lots to say.

I could be wrong tho....


My BF and I are both introverted.


We met at high school and quickly became close friends.


Years after graduation we reconnected online (he was abroad) 2 more years passed and then we met up. That's now 7 years in total.


But I kid you not when I say we don't and never have struggled to keep the conversation alive. If the topic dies and another doesn't spark, silence ensues.

A comfortable warm silence.


Until one of us has something to say again.


Some days we talk for hours non stop, others we exchange very few words and mostly cuddle. Depressed days, we don't talk unless we have to, while cuddled up in front of the tv.


And all of it just feels natural and comfortable. No pressure, it just works.


I think one of my favourite aspects about our relationship, is that I don't need to explain not wanting to be social, or needing time to recharge. And yes there's times when we recharge together, and no, I don't think that makes us less introverted. We can't sap each others energy if we are literally doing nothing besides being in the same room at the same time.


Its actually quite healing TBH, its a whole different level of intimacy.


My mom is an introvert and my dad was an extrovert. They were married for 43 years when my dad passed away, so don't go limiting your pool of options thinking you have to find another introvert.

Originally Posted by Quanticia

A question to all you fellow introverts out there: how do you cope with the search for love? How do you "stick" with someone, despite not going out much or not talking much? How do you keep the interest alive?

From the few guys I've gotten along in my 30 yrs, only two didn't friendzone me, the one turned out to be gay and the other wouldn't shut up with the petty small talk... I just don't know how to make it work (I have ADHD too to make things worse ) I'm honestly interested in everyone's experience, but links with suggestions that could be helpful are also welcome ^^

Have you considered online dating? I tried it by the way, but failed miserably in finding anyone to talk to me. Anyway, I've always assumed that meeting someone for girls is much easier than guys, since guys are the ones who do the first move usually. So, as someone said "just create the opportunity" and guys will approach you. Good luck.

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by Le.Monsieur.S

Have you considered online dating? I tried it by the way, but failed miserably in finding anyone to talk to me. Anyway, I've always assumed that meeting someone for girls is much easier than guys, since guys are the ones who do the first move usually. So, as someone said "just create the opportunity" and guys will approach you. Good luck.

I've met my fiancée online. I contacted him first simply because my profile didn't show in his search due to a bit of geographical distance. He is very glad I saw his profile lol otherwise we'd never meet

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Originally Posted by divine1966

I've met my fiancée online. I contacted him first simply because my profile didn't show in his search due to a bit of geographical distance. He is very glad I saw his profile lol otherwise we'd never meet

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

So, you initiated the conversation? Good for you.

[10yrsgone]

It's very hard for me to find a stable relationship. I've done stuff like online/long-distance relationships, online dating, speed dating and such but I've only really had two substantial relationships arise from it.

Not that I'm complaining. I know the decision begins with my own willingness to put all the insecurities aside and make an attempt to put myself out there.

I've been having a bout of loneliness lately so I'm going to give it another chance. If I don't end up dating/entering a relationship in the next few months, I'm going to try to meet someone at Anime North since it's a huge, weekend-long social event. We'll see how that goes, but I've met some really nice people at conventions that I've since drifted apart from, so hopefully this gives me another opportunity.

Why at a convention? I think bonding over similar interests or commonalities is a much better way to begin a relationship than a simple first impression. Plus, I'm not into the bar scene or club atmosphere as any positive way to begin dating. Anyway, we'll see what happens. I'm not going to go overboard with a desire for a relationship, but I'm also not going to remain isolated about it, either.

Originally Posted by 10yrsgone

It's very hard for me to find a stable relationship. I've done stuff like online/long-distance relationships, online dating, speed dating and such but I've only really had two substantial relationships arise from it.

Not that I'm complaining. I know the decision begins with my own willingness to put all the insecurities aside and make an attempt to put myself out there.

I've been having a bout of loneliness lately so I'm going to give it another chance. If I don't end up dating/entering a relationship in the next few months, I'm going to try to meet someone at Anime North since it's a huge, weekend-long social event. We'll see how that goes, but I've met some really nice people at conventions that I've since drifted apart from, so hopefully this gives me another opportunity.

Why at a convention? I think bonding over similar interests or commonalities is a much better way to begin a relationship than a simple first impression. Plus, I'm not into the bar scene or club atmosphere as any positive way to begin dating. Anyway, we'll see what happens. I'm not going to go overboard with a desire for a relationship, but I'm also not going to remain isolated about it, either.

Hope you will find someone soon.