[SarahSweden]

I´m 30+ and I don´t have any friends I hang out with. I´ve had a few friends but lately my closest friend had a baby and I didn´t feel we had a good friendship anymore as she was so into her family life.

Now I live by my own and my family lives quite far away. I feel a very profound loneliness and small things like seeing someone for coffee doesn´t make me feel less lonely. As I´m an adult I don´t want to live nearer my parents to hang out with them more, they aren´t my "friends" so to speak. I´ve tried to build my own life but I´ve ended up lonely.

As I live by myself in a large town I feel I have nobody. I have nobody to go home to, no dinners or such. I have never had a partner and that also makes me lonely.

I just began studying a course at the university but I feel my loneliness is so profound I´ll always feel lonely even if the loneliness may be lessened for some short periods.

[littleowl2006]

Hi there!
Sounds like a circular movement to me. I have my own personal history with loneliness. Are you afraid others might reject you? If so, why? Have you tried therapy? Why do you want to connect with others? Do you have things in your life that you want to share with others? Common interests?
A friend with a baby maybe isn't the perfect candidate for daily coffee dates, but people change, that doesn't mean that the connection is lost. It simply means we have to accept the change and maybe go through a little discomfort. I am sure there are people that are available if you let them in - what about your classmates? Have you tried talking about something that really moves you with them?

[SarahSweden]

Thanks. Yes, it is a kind of circular movement and leads to a situation which is very hard to solve. Yes, I think I am, that I will struggle to get them to like me and that that won´t be enough. I have also felt many times that I have different views upon friendship and that many people seem to have a lot of friends and that it´s easy to feel left out. Perhaps you´ve felt the same?

I am going to a T for evaluation sessions and I hope she will accept me. It´s hard to get into therapy and I don´t know if I will qualify.

I want to connect with others to feel someone close, to be understood and to feel safety. I´ve never felt that except from when I was little of course. I feel very left out and lonely and it bothers me every day.

I don´t have any specific interests more than going to movies, eating dinner at restaurants, visit a theater or a movie. I´ve already looked for friends on the internet but no more permanent friendships developed.

I´ve just started the course and don´t know anyone yet. I think it´s hard when you read separate subjects and courses and not a whole study program.

Originally Posted by littleowl2006

Hi there!
Sounds like a circular movement to me. I have my own personal history with loneliness. Are you afraid others might reject you? If so, why? Have you tried therapy? Why do you want to connect with others? Do you have things in your life that you want to share with others? Common interests?
A friend with a baby maybe isn't the perfect candidate for daily coffee dates, but people change, that doesn't mean that the connection is lost. It simply means we have to accept the change and maybe go through a little discomfort. I am sure there are people that are available if you let them in - what about your classmates? Have you tried talking about something that really moves you with them?

[astralflame]

Originally Posted by SarahSweden

I´m 30+ and I don´t have any friends I hang out with. I´ve had a few friends but lately my closest friend had a baby and I didn´t feel we had a good friendship anymore as she was so into her family life.

Now I live by my own and my family lives quite far away. I feel a very profound loneliness and small things like seeing someone for coffee doesn´t make me feel less lonely. As I´m an adult I don´t want to live nearer my parents to hang out with them more, they aren´t my "friends" so to speak. I´ve tried to build my own life but I´ve ended up lonely.

As I live by myself in a large town I feel I have nobody. I have nobody to go home to, no dinners or such. I have never had a partner and that also makes me lonely.

I just began studying a course at the university but I feel my loneliness is so profound I´ll always feel lonely even if the loneliness may be lessened for some short periods.

I'm so sorry to hear how lonely you are. I think I understand somewhat. I go through the same thing, although I'm much older than you. Just want you to know that you're not alone. I hope we can both feel some connection with this forum.

[littleowl2006]

Good luck with your studies and the therapy! I hope all goes well for you.
Maybe a little is enough - talking about a movie you liked with another person? Small steps?
Whenever I feel down, my brain tells me that I have nothing to offer to other people. But guess what - on the other days I discover that their demands aren't quite that high. Many people are looking for others to hang out with. Friendship can be compicated, but usually all people are searching for a connection with others. It is how the human race is made :P
Connective virtual hugs to both of you ^

[divine1966]

How about movie group where you can go see movies with others? Book club? Meetup? Exercise or walking groups? Volunteer? Do you work?

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Yismymindblank12]

Originally Posted by SarahSweden

I´m 30+ and I don´t have any friends I hang out with. I´ve had a few friends but lately my closest friend had a baby and I didn´t feel we had a good friendship anymore as she was so into her family life.

Now I live by my own and my family lives quite far away. I feel a very profound loneliness and small things like seeing someone for coffee doesn´t make me feel less lonely. As I´m an adult I don´t want to live nearer my parents to hang out with them more, they aren´t my "friends" so to speak. I´ve tried to build my own life but I´ve ended up lonely.

As I live by myself in a large town I feel I have nobody. I have nobody to go home to, no dinners or such. I have never had a partner and that also makes me lonely.

I just began studying a course at the university but I feel my loneliness is so profound I´ll always feel lonely even if the loneliness may be lessened for some short periods.

Me me me and me every second . I never get a break I lose sleep I lose my own mind chasing and losing people never feeling good enough my loneliness is what hits me the most . that what messes me up I wish people talk I wish I could do better or get something I want accomplishe . Like you said it's circular unavoidable mostly and very hard to get out of even a short time helps a lot in the moment but either makes you feel lonely or lonelier hating where you're at not ever sure how to get out of here? Please remind me.
Every day I see myself and look at how stupid I must be not being successful at friendships relationships with anyone and even feeling cared about my family.

When people really don't hold back their indifferent attitude towards you because of their own issues or the fact they are a disappointment of a friend and human you wish you can connect but can't.

I would give everything up to feel like I matter I would rather choose to be broke suffering in all kinds inhumabe ways just to experience that for my whole life. What you described has consumed my every day my existence and my being? I never felt someone loved me even when people think I'm lying my feelings aren't lying to me and I know what I'm seeing.

I have always felt lonely, even surrounded by aquaintances. It took my therapist to point out I actually did have people in my life: people at my peer support group namely.

We have set some goals recently regarding meeting people. Much like homework I have 'assignments' each month she would like me to do. Like ask one of the people in my group for coffee sometime. Sign up for some sort of class or activity. Join a book club. Find a meetup group for something I am interested in. This month my assignment is to find a place to volunteer.

As terrfying some of this has been I have been managing to do it or at least make an attempt.

[JustJenny]

Sarah, if there is nothing holding you back, why not change cities or even countries? You can enroll at a university or apply for jobs somewhere else.

I once felt sad and lonely in my home town and moving away to another country was the right decision.

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by JustJenny

Sarah, if there is nothing holding you back, why not change cities or even countries? You can enroll at a university or apply for jobs somewhere else.

I once felt sad and lonely in my home town and moving away to another country was the right decision.

Good point.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

I can relate to this. It is an awful place to be in. loneliness, in my analysis, is a symptom of a deeper issue, like shyness or social anxiety or depression.

I understand that when you feel lonely, it is difficult to take in any advice, and become very defensive and probably depressed, but once your perception widens in times, make some effort to overcome the problem. Try to accept yourself more. Enjoy your time alone. May be then, as I hope in my case, others would find me interesting to talk to, and break the shell I've lived in for years. If not, then you are enjoying your time, at least. I learned that I don't really have a choice but to learn to live by myself until something beautiful happens.

May be I am the last one who can give you an advice in this, but loneliness with me is a very long and painful story.

Hope you will get better soon.