[Yismymindblank12]

So would it be bad if I waited along time to go out with someone right and when they did show up and I immediately didn't like them for many reasons and people want us to be together won't get that satisfaction because I walked away not talking to them again like I always do.

I shut people out more when I like them than when I don't. I'm not shy I'm not sure if u should feel bad for letting the other person down because I am not one bit comfortable having a relationship with them. I'll commit to someone just not them. I'll be much more content alone than be on a relationship where I feel devoid and feel worse backing out later.

Mainly I don't believe people when they like me. I feel they don't care. I'm not very nice when people get too close but that's all I have from being a emotional mess and feeling dirty like everyone is invited in.

People lack and lie what they tell me which makes weary more and more. If other people find them nice I won't yet. I let a lot of people pass me by because I feel I'm not good enough or I feel they would go through too much being with me. So I never felt that feeling when guys feel they feel determined to show their interest in someone's positive and negative traits. Like feeling so attracted and determined you fight everything for them. Never happened probably won't most people I feel don't deserve it. When people feel I should feel bad for being closed and mean and that they'll be with people that show their interest it makes care less what people think and feel they are petty and below me. I am very much more distant then and most of my close friends and family don't know why I don't have a gf anymore. I don't want one if a relationship sucks. I should not expect marriage and definitely not forever and definitely no kids ever is how I want it because it's safer that way .

[healingme4me]

You walked out on a date?

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[ManOfConstantSorrow]

Mainly I don't believe people when they like me. I am pretty sure they do like you but perhaps you have self-esteem issues. You seem likeable on this forum.

I shut people out more when I like them than when I don't. Perhaps you have not fully developed the skills to show you like them in return? Worth exploring?

[Yismymindblank12]

Originally Posted by healingme4me

You walked out on a date?

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No I'm talking about people expecting guys to do so much stride and work for a lady. I was asking is it bad I just don't show interest going out my way for anybody.

I usually roll my eyes and can be very sarcastic when a guy tries too hard to impress a girl and I was in a situation where he thought I was jealous of him when I could care less about everything I was just laughing how silly he looked.

I just laugh at that overly affectionate crap. I like it but it's just a gloss a cover up of the bad in people it's rather boring and feels uninspired from anyone girl or guy who get all, "I love you so much you're my everything babe stay with Me forever my love." Like chill dude or girl this ain't a race. Lol

I don't like when people put that on me. It's something I can handle if their nice but it always feels not sincere at all.

[Yismymindblank12]

I was thinking a lot recently I want someone to replace my mom as in a specific quality my mom has I don't ever get I need. She doesn't do it much but I really need someone with patience just patience and someone who listens and just tells me I did something right.

My mom is like the last person who has been my emotional life rock and motivation. I wouldn't be very certain without her. Yeah I'd be strong but just very quickly isolated more because people are too harsh and mean and never have something good to say and act childish and selfish around me. I just wish it stop. But it won't I just wanted to feel appreciated. I would be independently self reliant on everything else like I am almost now except that part why that. It's a need not a want. I won't get it from people and learned early on I wasn't appreciated or loved enough my mom knows that. She feels guilty takes it out on herself and I great her how I wish she treat me I treat people I like this way and everyone just with patience I'm not a push over stupid ignorant people who are jerks push my boundaries because they confuse my kindness and patience as weakness. I want to trust someone to be dependable not all the time but if I needed to feel I needed nurturing because I can't lie it's what's been apart of me since ever I can't be ashamed or hide it. I just need the right person to just listen to me for specific times not a lot though. I rather be respectful of their space if they don't want to. I won't make them I would like to if they did when I need it.

[healingme4me]

Originally Posted by Yismymindblank12

No I'm talking about people expecting guys to do so much stride and work for a lady.

but it's just a gloss a cover up of the bad in people it's rather boring and feels uninspired from anyone girl or guy who get all, "I love you so much you're my everything babe stay with Me forever my love." Like chill .

I've a family member that has all this on their social media. Are you trying to proclaim or convince just yourself? That's how I read it.

Just wait until they forget to change the toilet paper roll once too often or there's toothpaste in the sink or you find a stray sock, again, tucked in an oddball corner after finishing laundry...

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[Yismymindblank12]

Originally Posted by healingme4me

I've a family member that has all this on their social media. Are you trying to proclaim or convince just yourself? That's how I read it.

Just wait until they forget to change the toilet paper roll once too often or there's toothpaste in the sink or you find a stray sock, again, tucked in an oddball corner after finishing laundry...

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I have no idea what you mean in the first part and I don't understand the context of the second whether it was joking or serious or whatever. If anything I'm not like that I like keeping my stuff clean on my own I am very efficient.

[healingme4me]

Originally Posted by Yismymindblank12

I have no idea what you mean in the first part and I don't understand the context of the second whether it was joking or serious or whatever. If anything I'm not like that I like keeping my stuff clean on my own I am very efficient.

Referencing these persons that unsettled you. Saying, real love happens living under the same roof. Or where that love is tested...

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[Yismymindblank12]

Originally Posted by healingme4me

Referencing these persons that unsettled you. Saying, real love happens living under the same roof. Or where that love is tested...

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Got it. People play around too much and leave me out I stopped caring.

[divine1966]

Why does it bother you if others are overly affectionate? I don't see why it is upsetting to you. Unless they say all this to you and its unsolicited. Do you take it personally?If social media is disturbing then maybe take a break.

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[Yismymindblank12]

Originally Posted by divine1966

Why does it bother you if others are overly affectionate? I don't see why it is upsetting to you. Unless they say all this to you and its unsolicited. Do you take it personally?If social media is disturbing then maybe take a break.

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It's easier for them to enjoy it I couldn't have that satisfaction ever. It's not fair. yes they do. I am alone all the time I use social media to communicate with people. I don't see any friends. I only see people at work and work sucks a lot to see people. I'm always teased of being around people and feeling like I belong. I don't get much of the satisfaction to enjoy any time other than being alone. I never was happy in relationships and single. It's not my fault. I don't care what you think it wasn't my doing.

[divine1966]

I never said its your fault. I know you are struggling and I hope you getting treatment that you need and that you will feel better. You didn't cause it.

It is just that their relationships aren't any reflections on you as that's nothing to do with you. They aren't doing it to upset you.

Life isn't unfair. All you can do is to deal with your own life not worrying about others. It just adds to suffering.

I hope you can find something that would keep you balanced. Hope you feel better soon

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[Stillcloseted]

Am I bad because I'm different???