How to be honest

Hello
I allways have that problem with my girlfriend. I know her for almost 15 years. We have two children (2 years boy and .5 year girl). Sometimes I don't know how to be honest with my problems. I had some problems in job and small salary and I was not be able to pay all taxes, mortgage. But I had hope that I'll gain some money and didn't tell her. I also take some money from our other bank account (for children). Of course when she know the true she was very angry. I tell her that I will be not lying. But I break it. I try gain more money but I'm very frustrated. I sometimes also lie with small things. I know I didn't deserve it but shy didn't give me any hugs for almost year. She is also very frustrated and didn't talk to much. I try find new job and sell some non used stuff but I'm very tired psychically. I have problems with concentration and I can search for work, clean house or other things when children sleep. She also worried about my lack of concentration and she said that I can kill our children because my problems with concentration. I'm very depressed and I'm worry that she break with me. She said that she love me but I didn't feel it.
Thank you for your help and all the best

Would you be able to speak with a counselor about your background and situation?

It sounds like your honesty issue is more tied to deeper problems. It sounds like you've got some real confidence issues, depression issues and trust issues. I agree with Bill3 that speaking with a counselor would be a good idea to get to the real root of things.

i also feel a doc and t is in order

Thank you very much.
I'll go to the psychologist and to the psychiatrist in next month ( this is first term - social insurance ). Anyway we talk with my girlfriend and clarified some things. So its little better now.

probably best to seek professional help for advice

I agree that you may have some deeper personal issues that are keeping you from communicating with her. Maybe even holding you back job wise. I'll be the first to admit that MI can definitely hold you back in many aspects of life. I got in such a deep hole that I'm now in debt and on the verge of losing my home! It's amazing how much personal pain can hold you back in life. Seeking therapy might help you and maybe getting screened for ADD with your concentration issues. There's meds that may help you. Are you holding back from your gf because you're afraid of her getting angry with you maybe? I've been in that position with bf's in my life. Either I'm embarrassed to admit things or just want to avoid an argument. Do you already have a diagnosed MI that you left out? I just wonder because this forum mainly is based on MI like bipolar, anxiety ect.

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Thanks I always think that I don't want tell the true because I don't want hurt her. But she told me that I simply just hate her anger. I never had any MI diagnose and I'll go to the psychiatrist first time.

Does she get angry easily? Do you fight often?

Are you the sole wage earner? I hear a lot of pressure from what you wrote.
I have experienced a thing with my former boyfriend and your post reminded me of that time. He was in trouble and felt ashamed of it, so he tried to do everything alone and keep it from me. He didn't want me to see his problems (emotional, financial and problems finishing his bachelor degree). He thought he would fail in university, he was poor and he had some family issues as well. He couldn't sleep, was very stressed out and I worried constantly because I felt that something was wrong but he wouldn't tell me. I would have loved to be there for him and it made me sad that he didn't trust me.
How do you think your girlfriend would react if you were honest about the uncomfortable things? Are you afraid that she might leave you etc?

Yes but her anger does not last too long. I'm more worried then she worry too much. We sometimes fight, but I usually try apologize first. She is very sarcastic, sometimes I love it but sometimes it annoy me. But shy didn't have distance and take everything personally.

I'm not sole wage earner, she get money from maternity leave. We have 12 month maternity leave. But its only 80% of her salary. She stay in home with our daughter, our son go to nursery.
Yes I have some thoughts like that. When we quarrel
some time ago she told me few times that shy leave me if I didn't change. I know that she want have an positive impact on me but the effect was the opposite.
Week ago I tell her some uncomfortable things. And I felt relieved. She pass it better than I think.

Yes I know that she probably often worry very much, even I didn't tell her uncomfortable things. But I know that I need make more good things. My lack of concentration and procrastination (or maybe just laziness) piss me off. I realized than music help me a lot. And starting its hardest part of tasks.
I read something about personality distorters and that from Antisocial and unfortunately I think that two points fits me:
- impulsivity or failure to plan ahead
- consistent irresponsibility, as indicated by repeated failure to sustain consistent work behavior or honor financial obligations
I try fight with that behaviors. But It's not easy.

Good luck with everything! Keep us posted here
Keep working and reflecting on it as you did and talk to your girlfriend whenever you have something to say. I know it is an old hat, but communication is so important and taking responsibility for our own actions and words.

OK psychiatrist diagnose neurosis and she give me sertraline (SSRI) for it. Psychologist said that i don't won't hurt her and she rule in our relationship. So I created that mechanism. He also said that probably I'm too dependent from her. He propose me regular psychotherapy. I'll choose "irregular" because free therapy is only in the morning. And I don't have money for private therapy.

Update after almost 2 years ;-).
I have better job, almost all debts are payed, I'm learning programming and searching for job in IT. My concentration is much better. We are still together with my girlfriend but... I fell lonely and disconnected from her often. She said I have not changed since last 2 year. Well I understand, that I'm only one who can help yourself. I also learned that music can help me in hard moments. Its greatest drug ever. Its also good for concentration.
So I'll never give up, live is great trip. I want to thank you gals and guys!

Good to hear how you are doing so much better! Sometimes medication and therapy make us grow and move forward whilst your partner remains the same and doesn't see the progress. You have made progress and great strides. Did you try couples counseling?