[Hedgeleaf]

My partner is putting pressure on me to meet my family

I'm not ready at all for this. Period.

I'm happy to continue with what we've got and see how it grows.

His previous relationships have been really fast, moving in after a few months etc

Why does he have this need?

[divine1966]

How long you two been dating?

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[Hedgeleaf]

We've known each other for years but only been together about 4 months

[divine1966]

4 months is not too long. If you dated a year and haven't met each other family I'd be concerned.

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[yagr]

No judgment from me, I promise.

Originally Posted by Hedgeleaf

My partner is putting pressure on me to meet my family

I'm not ready at all for this. Period.

His partner is putting pressure on him to not meet her family.

He is ready for this. Period.

People are different, even people who are meant to be together forever. You want him to honor your comfort zone around this and he wants you to honor his comfort zone about this. How you both eventually deal with this will say a lot about your problem solving abilities as a couple. Does someone have to win? Then that'll probably be the template for your relationship. Are you both willing to compromise? Then that'll probably be the template for your relationship. Maybe someone is willing to sacrifice? Maybe both of you are?

Originally Posted by Hedgeleaf

His previous relationships have been really fast, moving in after a few months etc

It's all relative - Goldilock's wisdom. Anyone who drives faster than me is a maniac. Anyone who drives slower than me is an idiot. Fast is relative - it's probably not too fast for him.

Originally Posted by Hedgeleaf

Why does he have this need?

Don't know. But I do find it more helpful in my own relationship to try and determine why *I* have this or that need. Because ultimately, I'm the only one I can change.

[Hedgeleaf]

Originally Posted by yagr

No judgment from me, I promise.


His partner is putting pressure on him to not meet her family.

He is ready for this. Period.

People are different, even people who are meant to be together forever. You want him to honor your comfort zone around this and he wants you to honor his comfort zone about this. How you both eventually deal with this will say a lot about your problem solving abilities as a couple. Does someone have to win? Then that'll probably be the template for your relationship. Are you both willing to compromise? Then that'll probably be the template for your relationship. Maybe someone is willing to sacrifice? Maybe both of you are?


It's all relative - Goldilock's wisdom. Anyone who drives faster than me is a maniac. Anyone who drives slower than me is an idiot. Fast is relative - it's probably not too fast for him.


Don't know. But I do find it more helpful in my own relationship to try and determine why *I* have this or that need. Because ultimately, I'm the only one I can change.

That's very helpful thank you so much

[Bill3]

His previous relationships have been really fast, moving in after a few months etc

How did those relationships turn out?

[Hedgeleaf]

Originally Posted by Bill3

How did those relationships turn out?

Didn't work out in the end

He lived when a few girls each for a few years

[Bill3]

Well what I am wondering is to what extent were these relationships basically good relationships that just didn't work out?

[Hedgeleaf]

Originally Posted by Bill3

Well what I am wondering is to what extent were these relationships basically good relationships that just didn't work out?

He told me the first one they were both young and it didn't work and the last one he fell out of love with her

[Bill3]

I ask about these things because abusive, controlling guys tend to demand that things move very fast. It doesn't mean that this guy is going to be controlling; it is just important to be aware of warning signs, and assess them.

Why does he have this need?

You could ask him. I think that would be a good idea.

In my view it is important to think about why important others are acting the way that they are. It is true that you cannot change them. However, to decide how you should act, you need to understand what other people are trying to accomplish.