[Zbeara]

I'm just so sick of my brother's crap. He expects me to have all the right emotions and do everything right for his sake. For example, today he told me that my sister's dog died. First of all, I hardly see him so I shouldn't be attached, but yet I am. I actually DID legitimately feel sad. I knew it was a little difficult to let the feeling fully come over me because I am still not all that reconnected with my emotions, but it was actually significantly better than usual, especially considering how much it technically shouldn't even affect me. And he asked me why it seemed like I didn't care. As if I was doing something seriously wrong. Like in the way you might ask someone who seems indifferent to their mom or their child dying. Even if he was getting after something else and he was wording it poorly, like seriously? That would be a stupid question to ask a mentally HEALTHY person in that situation!

So, I wrote down what happened on my computer so I could remember what happened and tell my therapist (who I just started seeing) about it. And my brother was like "what are you doing?" And I said "Just doing stuff on the internet". And he was like "oh like talking to friends or something?" (and in my head I'm already thinking "this is none of your business") and I replied with "yeah". Then he says "Oh, so you're writing about me?" with the obvious implication that I'm saying mean things, and in my head I'm thinking "WTF?!?!?! NONE! OF! YOUR! BUSINESS!!!!" How much more manipulative and insecure can you get?!

But to top it all off I have to pretend like that's not what I'm doing in a nice, comforting way. If I tell him "yes I was writing it down so I could talk to my therapist about it" or if I said "please don't get into my business like that" he will act like a wounded dog and be super insecure, or he will get defensive, or he will act like everything is totally fine. But then it will obviously NOT be okay and every interaction for the next day or two will be incredibly awkward.

And the main reason this is all a problem is because none of this should matter in the first place!!! I hate how it feels like I try so hard to do things right and understand what's going on in everybody else's heads but no one cares about what's going on in my head!

[Bill3]

If I tell him "yes I was writing it down so I could talk to my therapist about it" or if I said "please don't get into my business like that" he will act like a wounded dog and be super insecure, or he will get defensive, or he will act like everything is totally fine. But then it will obviously NOT be okay and every interaction for the next day or two will be incredibly awkward.

So what if he acts like that?

I am sure it is unpleasant. But these tantrums are ways to control you. What if you were to say what you think and if he has his tantrum, so be it?

[Zbeara]

Originally Posted by Bill3

So what if he acts like that?

I am sure it is unpleasant. But these tantrums are ways to control you. What if you were to say what you think and if he has his tantrum, so be it?

I have tried that and when I'm honest, things actually just get worse and worse and worse. And then somehow it always turns into something huge no matter how I go about it. Trust me. I've tried a lot of things. The way I acted is how I have learned is the only way to deal with it. Because it's actually NOT the reaction he wants. He wants me to be honest and he wants it to build. He literally tries to make things explode. He's a toxic person when he feels crappy and I am stuck with him by circumstance. To be honest, I'm just looking for some understanding.

Although thank you for your reply. I really do appreciate it.

[Bill3]

It must be extremely frustrating to have him judge you and have his tantrums. And then have to pretend, on top of everything else.

[Zbeara]

Originally Posted by Bill3

It must be extremely frustrating to have him judge you and have his tantrums. And then have to pretend, on top of everything else.

Yeah I really hope going to therapy helps with all of this. And thank you again for replying. I do appreciate it a lot.

[healingme4me]

Originally Posted by Zbeara

I'm just so sick of my brother's crap. He expects me to have all the right emotions and do everything right for his sake. For example, today he told me that my sister's dog died. First of all, I hardly see him so I shouldn't be attached, but yet I am. I actually DID legitimately feel sad. I knew it was a little difficult to let the feeling fully come over me because I am still not all that reconnected with my emotions, but it was actually significantly better than usual, especially considering how much it technically shouldn't even affect me. And he asked me why it seemed like I didn't care. As if I was doing something seriously wrong. Like in the way you might ask someone who seems indifferent to their mom or their child dying. Even if he was getting after something else and he was wording it poorly, like seriously? That would be a stupid question to ask a mentally HEALTHY person in that situation!

And the main reason this is all a problem is because none of this should matter in the first place!!! I hate how it feels like I try so hard to do things right and understand what's going on in everybody else's heads but no one cares about what's going on in my head!

It's certainly difficult feeling like one needs to walk around on eggshells in their own home because of the heightened sensitivities of a relative.

It's no wonder you would feel resentful and as though your own emotions and feelings don't matter or are left unheard.

As far as a reaction about your sister's dog, everyone processes at their own pace. Perhaps your brother was questioning his own reaction and your calm or seemingly non reaction added to his own opinion of himself, hence the verbal onslaught?


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