meeting people

I dont understand why its so hard to meet people. Its like you have to have some kind of common ground just to pop a conversation and most people dont even want to conversate.

Its kinda frustrating. How do you guys meet people? I don't exactly have many options.

Why would you want to have a random conversation with someone unless you had common ground/shared interests in the first place? Are you just looking to meet anyone, or people will have a genuine connection with?

I agree that it's hard to meet close friends as an adult and it's hard to find "the one" romantically-- but that is because, the older we get, the more points of commonality we expect to find in our friends/partners. Just going to the same high school or college isn't enough to become friends and just working at the same place isn't enough to find a life partner. Plus, all of the reasons why we grew apart from an old friend or broke up with a previous partner tell us the things we AREN'T looking for-- because they were deal breakers before. So, with each new relationship, we try to find someone even more compatible. That can be hard. But it isn't impossible. It's about finding those people who share our interests, beliefs, hobbies, etc.

Personally, I have zero interest in shallow conversations or just "stopping to talk" with strangers. I avoid it at all costs because it wastes my time and slows me down when I'm already busy and short on free time. I am, however, still interested in meeting new people with whom I might have a real connection. In order for me to want to get to know someone, however, we have to have some basics in common: progressive politics, education, emotional openness/depth, a shared hobby, etc. Without that baseline, I don't really see the point. I'm never going to have deep conversations with someone who has a completely different worldview. Why would I prefer that person's company over the friends I already have, who share my worldview? I don't want to spend my free time arguing or debating. I want real human connection with someone who I don't have to "work" to spend time with.

The way I have met new people is through online dating sites (both partners and friends), meetup groups, volunteer work, political organizations, social groups centered around my identity, etc. Sometimes it's a hit and sometimes it's a miss. But, after a few misses, you will eventually get a hit.

thanks for the insight.

Idk if you asked me this quesiton or not. But striking conversation with random strangers is better then spending day after day having 0 conversation.

I talk to strangers in passing ( like in a grocery line) just because I am chatty like that but not to build friendships. I belong to few hobby based groups/association where conversations and activities revolve around hobbies, two social groups of like minded ladies I've met on meetup, two of my friends I work with, so we've met at work and my fiancée I met online on dating site.

It does take an effort to meet like minded people but I am concerned about comment on knowing zero people, do you work? Go to school?

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i just quit my job and im on my way back to school

So you'll be meeting people at school

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maybe.. Its not that simple.

A guy told me once "be yourself". I don't know what that means. I'm still trying to figure it out. But I think it has something to do with being genuine and really wanting to connect with another human being. And the connection has to be for the good of your both. Love your neighbor as yourself. Try it with the next person you meet. Doesn't matter if they are a random stranger or not. Every human being response to genuine caring and love. Love is what makes the world go round!

I think it means not to think too much and be spontaneous.

For the OP: why is it difficult to meet people?

I have a bad reputation where i live. It's pretty simple if they dont have a bias towards me before even talking to me.

You can still meet new people who don't know about your past. But if your reputation is about something you do, then it is not possible to maintain relationships with most people. I don't think most people would have strong bias as not to talk to you with no reason.

I can't even approach people I don't know. Unless it's online. Lol not even to ask for something in a store. So I have online friends for now

yes i have online friends too It works i suppose

Is this school in your area? It might be a good idea to move? If you not meeting people isn't due to social anxiety but due to bad reputation then it's a different issue. Can you improve your reputation?

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im hoping when i return to the school most of the people who know about what happened ( i had a few mental breakdowns) have graduated by now.

So they hold it against you that you have mental health problems?

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people usually think im out to kill them

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What do you mean by bad reputation? If someone is not going to even try to get to know what you're really like before talking to you, then eff them! I've had that happen to me before too. Unless you have done something truly awful and end up being accused of being a murderer or something like that, then I don't see why people won't give you a chance.

I know that my example was extreme, but I was just trying to make a point, lol. Have you tried joining a meetup group yet? It's free to join.

Oh, and I liked what Scorpio said. People tend to prefer to talk to others who are share their interests. The more different you are from someone, the harder it is to connect with them. Well, I guess you can on a superficial level if you end up sharing a few things in common with them. If that's OK with you, then great. If not, then that's OK too.

Why is that?

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I think if you need an accurate feedback, you need to provide enough information as a coherent story about the challenge you'e facing and its causes. People are guessing here, and jumping to conclusions, and then change once you provide more information. Unless you wanted just to say that meeting people is difficult, and don't want to go into details, and get advice.

I just wanted insight and i dont really wanna talk about the details.

They think it because they are ignoant and stigma sucks. I'm also a rather large guy who frieghtens people easily.

OK, but accurate insights need accurate accounts. Otherwise, people and you will be confused. One of the reasons that people talk personal things here is that because they have a concealed identity. But if you don't feel comfortable talking in details despite of that, it is your right. Anyway, being large can be an advantage, not an obstacle, and people now are more open to MI, as probably each home suffers from it in a way or another.

My professors called the cops on me over an anxiety attack. Yea lets talk about openess and understanding.

OK. I see. Why they call the cops? What does usually happen during your anxiety attacks? and do your professors know that you have anxiety?