[clover1011]

I Have a really bad problem that I've been struggling with for a long time, I've been told by my parents and some other people that I have anger issues, and that seems to be effecting my relationships. I am constantly fighting with my parents and I don't know why but I just hate them!! They constantly annoy me and I feel like they shouldn't always be telling me what to do! I know I probably sound dramatic and stupid like they always tell me, and I've tried talking to them about how I feel but they ended up starting another fight because of it! I was traumatized at a young age, and I seemed to have gotten these anger issues from my dad. My mom and dad and even my brothers also always fight with each other and recently my dad and my brother got in a fight and started literally throwing stuff at each other and everyone was yelling at each other, and trust me it was ugly.. they fight constantly but never like that! I'm always being blamed for these stupid things and I'm sitting here my moms yelling at me through the door RIGHT NOW! Yeah! ITS THAT BAD! I'm sick of the drama and chaos and I wish I could kill myself but I can't cause I know it's not right, But I just hate my parents and I wish they were dead but I don't wanna think that way.. and I think I have emotional issues and I feel like I'm a terrible person.. I need help. I could tell more but I don't wanna make this too long, and I don't want to sound dramatic although I probably do, I just need some help to overcome these anger issues and forget about all the trauma and somehow find a way to get my parents to understand, IF THAT'S POSSIBLE! 😠😔

[TishaBuv]

Hi and welcome to PC,

It sounds like you are angry, but have a pretty good handle on it.

Writing about your feelings helps and there are caring and supportive people here to talk to.

If you read other's posts, you may relate to them, too.

[healingme4me]

Does hating your parents go beyond the normal hatred that comes when preparing for a life independent of them.

Since it's your parents that mentioned anger issues, what steps is everyone taking to get to counseling?


Sent from my LGMS323 using Tapatalk

[clover1011]

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

Hi and welcome to PC,

It sounds like you are angry, but have a pretty good handle on it.

Writing about your feelings helps and there are caring and supportive people here to talk to.

If you read other's posts, you may relate to them, too.

Alright, I'm sorry I sounded so dramatic and all but when I was writing that I was just going crazy because my mom tells me to express my feelings more but when I tried doing that and pointing out what she does wrong she denied it and said its about me. 😑 so yea I don't get to talk about my feelings much at all so I feel a little better after talking about my feelings more. That argument is over and everything is fine for now at least, because I don't know if it's me or not, but it seems like there's always something that seems to annoy me somehow, and I feel like I get less respect then everyone else because I am the youngest in the house. The main problem is my mom I think, because she always has no problems doing everything quickly, and she gets stuff done with ease but the problem is that when I try to help her, it's like she's telling me to do 2 things at once! And the problem is I can't do that like she can and she thinks I'm lazy because I stopped helping her with stuff but that's because she's way too demanding of me and that's how a lot of the arguments start. I am a very independent child and I'm often told I'm more mature then other kids my age. But I think that since I'm independent, it makes my mom think I can handle ALL of the responsibility she pushes on me and sometimes she does some terrible things to me, probably forgetting that as mature as I may be, I'm still a child. My father seems to have some issues of his own but he's getting better and he's much more calm towards these situations now. The problem just is that I don't know how to explain this to my mom in a way that won't make her use her "I don't expect too much of you, your just being lazy" excuse again because that's what she always says and it starts arguments. Is there any way I could get her to understand this? :/

Originally Posted by clover1011

Alright, I'm sorry I sounded so dramatic and all but when I was writing that I was just going crazy because my mom tells me to express my feelings more but when I tried doing that and pointing out what she does wrong she denied it and said its about me.

Sounds exactly like my mother, when I was a teenager. I'd never open up to her because I knew it was pointless, but she would insist and even threat me to "spill it out or else", but whatever I said in the end was like ammunition for her to use against me.

Originally Posted by clover1011

The main problem is my mom I think, because she always has no problems doing everything quickly, and she gets stuff done with ease but the problem is that when I try to help her, it's like she's telling me to do 2 things at once! And the problem is I can't do that like she can and she thinks I'm lazy because I stopped helping her with stuff but that's because she's way too demanding of me and that's how a lot of the arguments start.

I'm beginning to think that my mother and yours are clones. When I was a teenager I learned (eventually) to do things the way she did and at the pace she considered good enough, but my poor sister, oh boy, she just couldn't keep up and was often verbally abused because of that.

...

Of course the problem is not you, and it's not your fault that you were born into such a dysfunctional family. Also it seems to me that your parents have untreated mental health issues, and as it's often the case with people who think "parents = godlike creatures uncapable of wrongdoing", they'll never admit that and seek help. Typical.

But take heart, you're not going to be around them forever and soon enough you'll have your independence, and hopefuly in the future you'll be able to make things right and start your own family your own way, preferably not commiting the same mistakes they did to you.

Good luck!

[IceCreamKid]

Originally Posted by clover1011

I Have a really bad problem that I've been struggling with for a long time, I've been told by my parents and some other people that I have anger issues, and that seems to be effecting my relationships. I am constantly fighting with my parents and I don't know why but I just hate them!! They constantly annoy me and I feel like they shouldn't always be telling me what to do! I know I probably sound dramatic and stupid like they always tell me, and I've tried talking to them about how I feel but they ended up starting another fight because of it! I was traumatized at a young age, and I seemed to have gotten these anger issues from my dad. My mom and dad and even my brothers also always fight with each other and recently my dad and my brother got in a fight and started literally throwing stuff at each other and everyone was yelling at each other, and trust me it was ugly.. they fight constantly but never like that! I'm always being blamed for these stupid things and I'm sitting here my moms yelling at me through the door RIGHT NOW! Yeah! ITS THAT BAD! I'm sick of the drama and chaos and I wish I could kill myself but I can't cause I know it's not right, But I just hate my parents and I wish they were dead but I don't wanna think that way.. and I think I have emotional issues and I feel like I'm a terrible person.. I need help. I could tell more but I don't wanna make this too long, and I don't want to sound dramatic although I probably do, I just need some help to overcome these anger issues and forget about all the trauma and somehow find a way to get my parents to understand, IF THAT'S POSSIBLE! 😠😔

Are you in school? I suggest you tell your favorite teacher or school counselor about your homelife. Then if it is possible get involved in school activities that will take you out of the house. If there is a library close by, start studying there. You're not going to be able to 'grow up' your parents, so start doing what you need to do to gain some peace and quiet for yourself. I don't think you have "anger issues" so much as a cruddy homelife and of course you're angry about that. But use that knowledge to find a way to help yourself.

[clover1011]

Originally Posted by IceCreamKid

Are you in school? I suggest you tell your favorite teacher or school counselor about your homelife. Then if it is possible get involved in school activities that will take you out of the house. If there is a library close by, start studying there. You're not going to be able to 'grow up' your parents, so start doing what you need to do to gain some peace and quiet for yourself. I don't think you have "anger issues" so much as a cruddy homelife and of course you're angry about that. But use that knowledge to find a way to help yourself.

Actually There's no way for me to do school activities that will get me out of the house because I'm home schooled. I don't have a school counselor (that I know of) and I can't talk to my teachers because they all got fired recently and now I have new one's but don't even know these new teachers so I don't wanna talk to them about that.. and I never can get anywhere peaceful and quiet cause I live in a small apartment so My dad and brother pretty much live in the back bedroom, my other brother sleeps in the living room and Me and my mom share the first bedroom. So the only time I can relax is when my brother who sleeps in the living room leaves the house to go to the doctor everyday and even then my mom walks out and starts blabbering on about work and laundry and other stuff I don't care about while I'm trying to relax. So I'm pretty much stressed out all day everyday.

[TishaBuv]

Why are you home schooled? Why does your father and brother sleep together and you and your mother sleep together? Why does your brother go to the doctor every day?

I feel for you, not being to escape that scene. Are you ok?

[clover1011]

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

Why are you home schooled? Why does your father and brother sleep together and you and your mother sleep together? Why does your brother go to the doctor every day?

I feel for you, not being to escape that scene. Are you ok?

..Well yes I'm fine right now cause now I'm not at home, me and my parents are at my grandparents house for a few days and its more quiet here so that's good. The reason I'm home schooled is cause I just don't like public schools me and my mom agree on one thing that there too dangerous. I've been thinking about going to a different school but now I have friends online so I don't wanna leave cause we all go on the same online school. And I told you why my father and brother sleep in the same room, and why me and my mom sleep in the same room. Cause we're 5 people living in a 2 bedroom apartment. At least we have different beds but still there's not enough room in that apartment..

[TishaBuv]

I'm glad to hear it's your choice.

[eskielover]

Sometimes we are so different from our parents that there is NO WAY for them to understand where we are coming from.

Growing up, my parents were good parents BUT.....I was so embarrassed by them when I had to go anywhere with them & when I was young they wanted to hold my hand....I would pull away & walk as far away from them as possible. I honestly at the time didn't understand why I felt that way. I was always fighting with my parents, especially my Mom. My dad would just go out into the garage & work on his hobbies. I remember trying to change my attitude toward them one time & the first thing they did was trigger my attitude toward them again......but I thought I was the problem with the fighting.....especially after I got married & ended up doing nothing but fighting with my H for 33 years until I finally left. With my parents, as soon as I left the house the fighting with them pretty much stopped BUT it would flare back up again at times though it was a lot easier to tolerate them when I no longer lived with them. We even took them on vacation with us because they basically had no money at that time & it gave them the ability to go places.

Ok, so I's 63 & it wasn't until just 2 years ago that I was able to put all the pieces together......my Mom died 11 years ago, & my dad had died 15 years before that & 8 years ago, I finally left my H.....so I've had a lot of time to integrate the past.

I remember my Mom always telling me that when I got older that I would see that she was smarter than I thought she was. Sadly, that never happened, even when she was dying, she just reinforced my view I had always had of her.....but it didn't mean I didn't love her, she just didn't have the ability to make wise decisions & when I was growing up, her own self-esteem problems really messed up my own life & my ability to be involved with things that I wanted to do & honestly, I resented it in a HUGE way & that is where a lot of my anger toward them came from.

It wasn't until I figured out the real problems with my H & what had caused the marriage to fail that I saw that the same thing was the issue with my father.......there was no ability in them to emotionally connect to anyone & yet my mother kept telling me how much my Dad loved me.......but he wasn't capable of showing it himself....& turned out I didn't understand it so I thought my H's issues were mine, not his because of the fighting I did with him about things that he was totally messing up in our lives & I just wasn't willing to sit back & accept his behavior without confronting him about it. A personality trait that was foreign to my parents & any time I would confront, my Mom would tell me that she was sure they mixed up the babies in the hospital because I was NOTHING like my parents. She had no idea how hard I worked at being NOTHING LIKE THEM.

The true awakening came when I left my H....all of a sudden I felt peace.....a peace I had NEVER felt in my life.....alone finally with no one there to needle me or do things that I thought were so far out of line.....& all the new people I was around were just fine & I had no issues with them, & I have NEVER had a fight with anyone in all the 8 years that I have been gone from my H & obviously, my parents are no longer alive to fight with.....but I realized the anger issue wasn't JUST ME. I had problems with the way I was reacting to bad behavior, but I wasn't just an angry person who had anger spilling out all over the place at anyone who got in the way. I was really a peaceful person who could learn to respond to things in a diplomatic way & in all reality, I haven't even had to use that often since I've been away from my H.

I realized that I had grown over the years to have no tolerance for the behavior of my parents & because the cup was so full, when I ended up marrying a H who was just like my parents, the cup was already full to overflowing to the anger just continued & totally overflowed & over the years it just grew worse & worse to the point where by the time I left my H, I was actually seeing red every time I had to deal with him.

Sadly, I have learned the reason for his behavior & it also makes sense as the reason for my Dad's behavior, but it's not something that could have been Dx'ed because it wasn't even known about until 1994 in the US.....the last 13 years of my marriage & the T's I went to had no idea as they didn't see it either.

Just writing this because I wanted you to know that sometimes the anger truly does have to do with the environment & the situations we end up feeling stuck in & when we leave them, if it's truly NOT our personality, it goes away & we come to realize that the only problem we had was that we weren't able to react well to the dysfunction that had kept being dumped on us.

Just a thought because it's a thought I never had until I was able to sort it all out. Yes, I responded badly with my anger & fighting.....but found out that any other normal person would have responded in a similar way & that what I was dealing with really was a serious problem & it wasn't just me & I was right to be angry about what was going on.

Just some food for thought......thoughts I had no idea about when I was in the bad situations dealing with my anger & everyone telling me that I was the one with the problem.

I'm sorry you're struggling.
You all need more space, but that is stating the obvious and not everyone has that available to them. Just know that tight quarters can contribute to the frustration. If you can go somewhere for a change of scenery, (relatives) then that would help. Speaking as a mom, just watch who you hang out with....

Being young and at home is so tough. It's almost a given that you won't get along with your sibs and parents...you have to balance respect and growth and that's a difficult thing to do.

Your parents are not always right....but they are your parents and until the time comes that you are grown, there are some things that you have to tolerate. If you do have an issue that is outside the norm, you must find someone outside to tell. If not, the best thing to do is to be the calm one. Easier said than done, but a shouting match accomplishes less than a quiet conversation or a well-worded (non-accusing) letter.

It is stressful for you, indeed. I wish I had some advice besides what I just said. Just know that you are not alone and home life is not as perfect as a lot of your friends might make it out to be. It just isn't. Sadly a lot of parent don't realize what they do until much later in their kids lives...I know I made mistakes. But everyone does.