[rmm5497]

Why is it that now that we have decided to split up that all of the sudden my husband and I are actually able to be civil to one another? I don't know maybe it's because the pressure is off our relationship now...It just makes it harder, that and the lonliness factor...even when we have this half-relationship I at least had someone to hug if I felt the need...Is this "normal"? I mean I really do know that we are over, know that we both deserve more than we will be able to get out of our relationship because we just don't have anything in common and that's the root of the problem...we just don't have any kind of emotional intimacy because we can't relate to what makes the other tick...it doesn't matter if he says "Yeah I'll do that with you because you enjoy it because I don't want him to do because I enjoy it I want him to share it with me because it is something we both enjoy...I need a connection like that and we both deserve a kindred spirit of sorts is basically what I'm saying and we will never be that to one another...I'm never going to enjoy paintball or drinking beer or football and he's never going to enjoy a good book or a day at the beach or dancing. And it's not just a few things that one enjoys and the other doesn't that we could maybe do with other friends...it's everything...I'm like at A and he's like at Z ALL THE TIME. And after all when the house is clean, the bills are paid and the sex is over you've got to have something else that you SHARE and I think I've just tried to content myself with all of those other things and I'm just never going to be content without that kind of emotional intimacy. Its just sad though...when it comes down to it neither of us HATES one another we love each other, how can we not since we've been together for 7 years...but we are not in IN LOVE...we're just TOO DIFFERENT...sometimes love is just not enough...I feel so selfish for feeling this way but I've tried to content myself with things the way they are and I just can't, I felt like was still searching for something and I've realized now with this other friend that THAT is what is was. I can share with my friend my opinion of a book that we've both read, a movie that we both enjoy, even our hopes and fears are similarly aligned...And that is something that is beyond me and my husbands other personal issues...it's like laying a house without a foundation AND with some shoddy workmanship..when it crumbles which do you blame...little of both I guess but the house never have been what the best houses should be anyway if it had no foundation and the best workmanship....Oy Vay...now that I've degenerated into metaphors...

[Zenobia]

Yes this is perfectly normal. But it is ok. I am glad that you can still care for your husband and he cares for you. To be able to part as friends is a special gift. So often a relationship end with one or the other's heart on the floor. squished and trampled on.
Take care,
zen<font color=blue>

"Knowledge comes, but wisdom lingers."--Tennyson

[rmm5497]

Thanks...just freaking out a litte..we've done this dance so many times before I'm always the one saying "I'm not happy" and then I'm always the one saying "OK lets give this one more shot" but then I feel bad because I know I'm not doing it because I really believe that giving it another shot is going to work, although of course I 've always hoped for some kind of miracle like that, but no deep down I guess I've known that I've done it because I'm afraid of being alone and because I feel like maybe I was just asking for a fairy tale relationship that doesn't exist and that I was being selfish in that to the detriment of my son...so many internal struggles...keep thinking of that Sheryl Crowe line "If it makes you happy it can't be that bad, if it makes you happy then why the hell are you so sad." Anyway I know the relationship that I am looking for is not only "one of fairy tales" now and I have to believe that if I am happy then I will be better equipped to make my son happy and yes I am still afraid of being alone (and the feelings of lonliness mostly) but that is something I will just have to overcome I guess. Missing my friend really bad...I know it will not be a good thing to rush into another relationship but all I want in the world right now is to be with him...he makes me feel like a princess, like anything is possible...he's just so damn right for me in so many ways that my husband is not...I can't even explain it except that he is so open with his emotions, he is constantly saying exactly what I'm thinking almost exactly as I would say it...we just think the same way. And then I feel guilty...like I have no right to these feelings...after all I'm still married...it's like it's so right for us to connect but the timing is so wrong. How can I not contact him when this is over when I know he feels the same way...how often does one meet someone that touches them on every level...heart, soul, mind and body? How do you ignore that? Why should I deny myself what I have been searching for? I don't want to confuse/hurt my son further either though...if we take it verrryy slowly is that the solution? I'm so impatient...see I overwhelm myself with every detail of the problem until it just breaks me down...I need to just take this one step at a time I guess.

[mylife]

Yes, it's scary, isn't it? I think it does take some of the pressure off. I'd write more, but I'm really not in the mood for long posts tonight. I'm having sinus problems and my ear really hurts.

[heidu]

I think it's pretty normal. I went thru that with my first husband. I didn't love the man but we did part as "friends". I wa so happy with him not in my life. Wasn't attracted to him. Strangely right at the end when all was said and done we had a week fling (kinda strange to call it a fling when your still married) but it was just that. I knew in my heart that splitting up was the best thing to do and I guess it was just a need to say goodbye somehow. It is rather confusing!!
Hang in there sweetie. When I read your posts I can relate to your confusion. It's a reflection of my thoughts and feeling.
I think about you alot!! We will be ok you know.
Heidu