[rmm5497]

it's funny when you know that you want something, when you ask for it and ask for it and ask for it and then when it happens it's scary as hell...my husband seems to be accepting that we are splitting up...he told me last night that he is going to look for an apartment and that when he moves (which will hopefully be by the end of the month...cross my fingers) I can put the house up for sale...I've felt deep down that ending this relationship was the right thing to do for so long and I feel such a sense of relief that soon he will be out of my life (at least in a day to day sense) but I'm scared. I've never been on my own...we've been together since I was 17....I've never had to manage on my own financially and while I make a decent salary, he's leaving me with ALL of the bills...mortgage, car payment, credits cards, EVERYTHING...I could push the issue but then he'll just be here longer (he's not giving me any money for bills now because he's saving money to move) and I'd rather throw a couple late payments on my credit report than drag this out longer than neccesary...very scary though knowing that I must now manage on one income what we were managing on two...I guess it shouldn't take too long to sell the house and then I'll have some money in savings as a cushion...still...very scary and the longer he takes now to find a place the longer I will be financially strapped (once we sell the house I'm going to pay off my way too expensve car so that I don;t have a huge car payment) so now I'm at his mercy AND housing him for nothing in the meantime...somehow I always get the short end of the stick in this relationship...thank GOD it's almost over...

[bptoo]

rmm,

I understand how bad you want this to be over, I really do. I've been thru what you're going thru. But if there's any way you can work out with him to help you with those bills, do so. Even if it means him staying a bit longer... Your credit report affects everything in your life almost these days. Don't ruin your credit. I did ruined mine in a divorce 25 years ago and it's STILL haunting me. I know I'm sticking my nose in where it doesn't belong here, but I hate to see you damage your future for a little peace of mind right now.

bp

"A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your heart."

[Zenobia]

Is it possible to negociate the bills after he is out of the house? Or could you put the house up for sale now rather then having to wait on him? Just a couple of thoughts I am sure you have already considered.
Zen<font color=blue>

"Knowledge comes, but wisdom lingers."--Tennyson

[rmm5497]

I've always been so good about my credit this kills me but the fact of it is once I pay the mortgage, car & utilities and it's toss up between the cc's and food...food wins I might look for a job paying a little more...I'm pretty confident I could get more than I'm making now I just really haven't had any incentive to make a move. He's kind of having the attitude..."take what you asked for...see how well you'll do without me" and thats fine...I'll be fine I just need to reorganize...he won't sell the house until he's found another place because he really has no where else to go (his parents told him he is not welcome there) anyway...thanks everyone for caring...I'm constantly stressing about finances and I don't want to let money determine my course of action here and it's just scary for me taking this financial "leap of faith"

[heidu]

Hopefully the house sells soon. I really don't understand him having a problem with putting it on the market now. It takes a little time to get things sorted and even if it sold right away it takes a month or more for a closing date. You could easily say that you have at least 6 weeks before you would have to be out. I took the house when my first marriage split up and it was scary. I was in alot of debt and did make enough to cover it but if anything happened I would've been in trouble. Finances can be scary and very stressful. I have to disagree about letting him stay a little more for finacial reasons. You know you need to get out of this relationship and it isn't gonna be pain free no matter what you do. You may have to take a finacial risk but in my opinion it is better than another emotional one. Bills will always be there and they can always make life tough. You can rebuild that and work around it in the future. You can't risk more emotional scars. Those can't be cleared up or smoothed over with a little paperwork. If you're like me when your ready to make the jump you have to do it and whatever you have to deal with after, you deal with. Of course it's your decision and you have to go with your gut. Just do what you think is rigth for you.
I wish you the best, I know it's not easy.
Heidu

[rmm5497]

I just wish this whole thing was just over already...I'm so impatient I can't believe how much money I have to give the lawyer just to file...my husband says he's not even getting a lawyer unless I "try to do something" which I won't so he's getting out of even that bill...I feel like I'm completely at his mercy until I have the money to file (which I should actually be getting soon hopefully...I had to take out a loan of all things...argghhh just what I need...I certainly can't afford to move and pay half the mortgage and I wouldn't not pay half of the bills because I don't trust that he would pay them all (or that he even could as he only works part time) Stuck between a rock and a hard place plus he doesn't want me moving my son to my parents house anyway so me moving out is not even an option really ...everywhere I turn is either a waiting game or a fight...which given his behavior will quickly get ugly...I'm so tired of walking on thin ice biding time for this man...luckily he's all of the sudden acquired a social life since we definitely decided to split so he's not home that much right now...