meeting people

8thstreetbungalow · Feb 17, 2016, 10:56 PM

I dont understand why its so hard to meet people. Its like you have to have some kind of common ground just to pop a conversation and most people dont even want to conversate.

Its kinda frustrating. How do you guys meet people? I don't exactly have many options.

scorpiosis37 · Feb 18, 2016, 12:29 AM

Why would you want to have a random conversation with someone unless you had common ground/shared interests in the first place? Are you just looking to meet anyone, or people will have a genuine connection with?

I agree that it's hard to meet close friends as an adult and it's hard to find "the one" romantically-- but that is because, the older we get, the more points of commonality we expect to find in our friends/partners. Just going to the same high school or college isn't enough to become friends and just working at the same place isn't enough to find a life partner. Plus, all of the reasons why we grew apart from an old friend or broke up with a previous partner tell us the things we AREN'T looking for-- because they were deal breakers before. So, with each new relationship, we try to find someone even more compatible. That can be hard. But it isn't impossible. It's about finding those people who share our interests, beliefs, hobbies, etc.

Personally, I have zero interest in shallow conversations or just "stopping to talk" with strangers. I avoid it at all costs because it wastes my time and slows me down when I'm already busy and short on free time. I am, however, still interested in meeting new people with whom I might have a real connection. In order for me to want to get to know someone, however, we have to have some basics in common: progressive politics, education, emotional openness/depth, a shared hobby, etc. Without that baseline, I don't really see the point. I'm never going to have deep conversations with someone who has a completely different worldview. Why would I prefer that person's company over the friends I already have, who share my worldview? I don't want to spend my free time arguing or debating. I want real human connection with someone who I don't have to "work" to spend time with.

The way I have met new people is through online dating sites (both partners and friends), meetup groups, volunteer work, political organizations, social groups centered around my identity, etc. Sometimes it's a hit and sometimes it's a miss. But, after a few misses, you will eventually get a hit.

8thstreetbungalow · Feb 18, 2016, 12:51 AM

thanks for the insight.

Idk if you asked me this quesiton or not. But striking conversation with random strangers is better then spending day after day having 0 conversation.

divine1966 · Feb 18, 2016, 06:12 AM

I talk to strangers in passing ( like in a grocery line) just because I am chatty like that but not to build friendships. I belong to few hobby based groups/association where conversations and activities revolve around hobbies, two social groups of like minded ladies I've met on meetup, two of my friends I work with, so we've met at work and my fiancée I met online on dating site.

It does take an effort to meet like minded people but I am concerned about comment on knowing zero people, do you work? Go to school?

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8thstreetbungalow · Feb 18, 2016, 06:24 AM

i just quit my job and im on my way back to school

divine1966 · Feb 18, 2016, 07:30 AM

So you'll be meeting people at school

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8thstreetbungalow · Feb 18, 2016, 10:32 AM

maybe.. Its not that simple.

mf1438 · Feb 18, 2016, 07:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hayla

maybe.. Its not that simple.

A guy told me once "be yourself". I don't know what that means. I'm still trying to figure it out. But I think it has something to do with being genuine and really wanting to connect with another human being. And the connection has to be for the good of your both. Love your neighbor as yourself. Try it with the next person you meet. Doesn't matter if they are a random stranger or not. Every human being response to genuine caring and love. Love is what makes the world go round!

Feb 18, 2016, 08:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mf1438

A guy told me once "be yourself". I don't know what that means. I'm still trying to figure it out. But I think it has something to do with being genuine and really wanting to connect with another human being. And the connection has to be for the good of your both. Love your neighbor as yourself. Try it with the next person you meet. Doesn't matter if they are a random stranger or not. Every human being response to genuine caring and love. Love is what makes the world go round!

I think it means not to think too much and be spontaneous.

For the OP: why is it difficult to meet people?

8thstreetbungalow · Feb 18, 2016, 09:08 PM

I have a bad reputation where i live. It's pretty simple if they dont have a bias towards me before even talking to me.

Feb 18, 2016, 09:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hayla

I have a bad reputation where i live. It's pretty simple if they dont have a bias towards me before even talking to me.

You can still meet new people who don't know about your past. But if your reputation is about something you do, then it is not possible to maintain relationships with most people. I don't think most people would have strong bias as not to talk to you with no reason.

bathroomscrubber · Feb 18, 2016, 09:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hayla

thanks for the insight.

Idk if you asked me this quesiton or not. But striking conversation with random strangers is better then spending day after day having 0 conversation.

I can't even approach people I don't know. Unless it's online. Lol not even to ask for something in a store. So I have online friends for now

8thstreetbungalow · Feb 19, 2016, 04:45 AM

yes i have online friends too

It works i suppose

divine1966 · Feb 19, 2016, 07:37 AM

Is this school in your area? It might be a good idea to move? If you not meeting people isn't due to social anxiety but due to bad reputation then it's a different issue. Can you improve your reputation?

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8thstreetbungalow · Feb 19, 2016, 09:03 AM

im hoping when i return to the school most of the people who know about what happened ( i had a few mental breakdowns) have graduated by now.

divine1966 · Feb 19, 2016, 12:36 PM

So they hold it against you that you have mental health problems?

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8thstreetbungalow · Feb 19, 2016, 12:55 PM

people usually think im out to kill them

Feb 19, 2016, 02:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hayla

I have a bad reputation where i live. It's pretty simple if they dont have a bias towards me before even talking to me.

-------------------------------------------------------------------
What do you mean by bad reputation? If someone is not going to even try to get to know what you're really like before talking to you, then eff them! I've had that happen to me before too. Unless you have done something truly awful and end up being accused of being a murderer or something like that, then I don't see why people won't give you a chance.

I know that my example was extreme, but I was just trying to make a point, lol. Have you tried joining a meetup group yet? It's free to join.

Feb 19, 2016, 02:36 PM

Oh, and I liked what Scorpio said. People tend to prefer to talk to others who are share their interests. The more different you are from someone, the harder it is to connect with them. Well, I guess you can on a superficial level if you end up sharing a few things in common with them. If that's OK with you, then great. If not, then that's OK too.

divine1966 · Feb 19, 2016, 02:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hayla

people usually think im out to kill them

Why is that?

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Feb 19, 2016, 04:14 PM

I think if you need an accurate feedback, you need to provide enough information as a coherent story about the challenge you'e facing and its causes. People are guessing here, and jumping to conclusions, and then change once you provide more information. Unless you wanted just to say that meeting people is difficult, and don't want to go into details, and get advice.

8thstreetbungalow · Feb 19, 2016, 04:53 PM

I just wanted insight and i dont really wanna talk about the details.

They think it because they are ignoant and stigma sucks. I'm also a rather large guy who frieghtens people easily.

Feb 19, 2016, 05:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hayla

I just wanted insight and i dont really wanna talk about the details.

They think it because they are ignoant and stigma sucks. I'm also a rather large guy who frieghtens people easily.

OK, but accurate insights need accurate accounts. Otherwise, people and you will be confused. One of the reasons that people talk personal things here is that because they have a concealed identity. But if you don't feel comfortable talking in details despite of that, it is your right. Anyway, being large can be an advantage, not an obstacle, and people now are more open to MI, as probably each home suffers from it in a way or another.