[LucyD]

I have been wondering for a long time how to tell potential significant others about me having mental illness. I've had a bad response from one person who said negative things about having PTSD. I don't have anything to do with him anymore as he was a big jerk to put it mildly. lol

What do you mean by potential significant others?

[LucyD]

I mean just what it says, someone who you might want for a bf, gf, spouse depending on how you get along with them.

I would say you need to know first where your relationship is going. I don't think telling people about your mental illness upfront is a good idea. It is something private and personal.

Do you think your mental illness will be a stumbling block to communicate and be intimate with your future partner? I mean, how it will affect him and your relationship as you think it might?

[LucyD]

No I don't think my mental illness will be a problem in regards to communicating or being intimate at this point in my life.

I go to a dating site and I am disabled with a mental illness so I put down that I am retired because that seems like the best choice. But when they ask what am I retired from I have a problem. That's when I have told one person I had a disability and he asked what it was and I told him the mental illness. It didn't go well.

what do you mean by "disabled with a mental illness"? Execuse my question.

[divine1966]

I think it depends on a kind of relationship. I wouldn't be telling people all my woes up front if there might be no future . You got to give it few dates at least. On the other hand I wouldn't be posting that I am retired if I am really not. That's a bit deceiving. Men often post lies about their age, height, marital status etc I have a problem with it.

Would you consider dating others who are on disability?

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Steiner of Thule]

If they are narrow minded on the topic of mental illness then they probably aren't very significant.

[JustJenny]

LucyD, I think in the first steps it is okay to tell a white lie. Get to know the person first and let them get to know you and then tell them about your problem.

I had a similar dilemma when I started dating my now-husband. I carry a mutation that increases the risk of having very sick children by 50%. I told him in the first months of dating because I had strong feelings for him and, at the same time, I didn't want to lie or waste his time in case that would have been a problem for him. I was very worried and I was thinking about it every day before telling him. To my surprise it didn't bother him at all. We are married now and I am not alone with my problem anymore.

[divine1966]

My fiancée was s bit afraid to tell me that he has Tourettes ( although it is very visible and I knew on the first date that it's got to be that but still he was scared), OCD ( it's severe, hard to function even to leave the house if he doesn't take Meds), AHDH etc he was worried I would be turned off that he takes Meds for OCD ( it also takes edge of Tourettes symptoms). It absolutely doesn't bother me at all. He told me on a third date. It never bothers me. He also worried ( in the very beginning) I might be embarrassed of him in public when his Tourettes gets out of whack ( his ex was embarrassed of him). Absolutely not!!!!! Quite the opposite, I am very proud he is so successful and brave despite these limitations

Saying that if the person doesn't work I'd need to know before I go on a date because I cannot support two people. If however something happens to my partner like loses his job or becomes sick after and can't work I would support him. I just wouldn't choose that as a potential partner.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[LucyD]

Originally Posted by Nickname

what do you mean by "disabled with a mental illness"? Execuse my question.

My disability is my mental illnesses. Does that make sense?

[LucyD]

Originally Posted by Steiner of Thule

If they are narrow minded on the topic of mental illness then they probably aren't very significant.

Yeah, that sounds about right.

[LucyD]

Originally Posted by JustJenny

LucyD, I think in the first steps it is okay to tell a white lie. Get to know the person first and let them get to know you and then tell them about your problem.

I had a similar dilemma when I started dating my now-husband. I carry a mutation that increases the risk of having very sick children by 50%. I told him in the first months of dating because I had strong feelings for him and, at the same time, I didn't want to lie or waste his time in case that would have been a problem for him. I was very worried and I was thinking about it every day before telling him. To my surprise it didn't bother him at all. We are married now and I am not alone with my problem anymore.

I have thought about telling a white lie, too. But then worried that the potential significant other will be mad because I lied to him. I'm glad it worked out for you.

[LucyD]

Thank you all for the replies.

Yes, then just tell them if you sense something is happening. Saying things that aren't true is not a good idea. People can be turned off just because of your lie, not your mental illness. Don't say anything about your situation. Besides, may be if he sees you for enough time, he can be more accepting to your mental illness, because he couldn't see it manifested in a problematic way. Just a thought. Good luck

[B2008]

I told my now husband of 8 years, within the first few hours of realizing there was a potential relationship. I knew it was gonna take one strong man to love me. It wouldn't have been fair to him if he had completely fallen in love with me and not been warned and somewhat prepared to deal with the deterioration of my mental state. He knew from the beginning he would have to hold tight to the good days and love for me through the tough ones. He has done great! He also thanked me for being honest. His believes if a man/woman can't handle it and moves on he/she wasn't the right one to begin with. Secrets break hearts.

No matter how small, a positive change deserves to be celebrated!

[Raindropvampire]

Before I got married my rule of thumb was IF there was going to be a third date. I always figured if they couldn't deal with it I didn't want to waste my time or their time getting invested in a relationship. You might have different standards but for me I wouldn't waste my time going on a third date with someone if I didn't see that it could lead to something permanent. So end of second date after we made plans for the third I'd say I have something i need to talk to you about....

I was always lucky and never had anyone freak out or be nasty about it. Sometimes I got a ton of questions because they wanted to know about bipolar and PTSD but fortunately no one was ever rude

I had the same problem, asked this question months ago on here. It is a difficult one to answer, yet honesty is always best. But, to me, my mental health is a very personal private issue, not one to display on a dating site. There is to me, no need for someone I was just meeting as a potential boyfriend to know right off the bat. As to what to say about what you do, it could be as simple as "I'm not working right now', and if you see that after a few dates you may have potential for further dates, you should explain the whys of not working. Best wishes to you. All of these answers you have are good. People that would be worth while dating wouldn't judge you on your ptsd or mental health issues. I dated someone once, who also "lied". He put on that he was retired, but the first coffee date he explained he was physically disabled. No one likes everyone to know their personal issues immediately.

[LucyD]

Originally Posted by Nickname

Yes, then just tell them if you sense something is happening. Saying things that aren't true is not a good idea. People can be turned off just because of your lie, not your mental illness. Don't say anything about your situation. Besides, may be if he sees you for enough time, he can be more accepting to your mental illness, because he couldn't see it manifested in a problematic way. Just a thought. Good luck

I agree. I fear meeting someone who will blame my strong feelings about anything on PTSD, I don't know why. Thank you.

[LucyD]

Originally Posted by B2008

I told my now husband of 8 years, within the first few hours of realizing there was a potential relationship. I knew it was gonna take one strong man to love me. It wouldn't have been fair to him if he had completely fallen in love with me and not been warned and somewhat prepared to deal with the deterioration of my mental state. He knew from the beginning he would have to hold tight to the good days and love for me through the tough ones. He has done great! He also thanked me for being honest. His believes if a man/woman can't handle it and moves on he/she wasn't the right one to begin with. Secrets break hearts.

No matter how small, a positive change deserves to be celebrated!

That's great you've had a good relationship with him. I can only hope for the same. Thank you.

[LucyD]

Originally Posted by disparaissant

I had the same problem, asked this question months ago on here. It is a difficult one to answer, yet honesty is always best. But, to me, my mental health is a very personal private issue, not one to display on a dating site. There is to me, no need for someone I was just meeting as a potential boyfriend to know right off the bat. As to what to say about what you do, it could be as simple as "I'm not working right now', and if you see that after a few dates you may have potential for further dates, you should explain the whys of not working. Best wishes to you. All of these answers you have are good. People that would be worth while dating wouldn't judge you on your ptsd or mental health issues. I dated someone once, who also "lied". He put on that he was retired, but the first coffee date he explained he was physically disabled. No one likes everyone to know their personal issues immediately.

Yes, I am not going to divulge my mental illness right away. I am on meds for my mental illnesses and can control myself when I have flashbacks although I get extremely fearful. One guy thought I was going to go beserk someday because of having PTSD. PTSD has had a lot of negative publicity and not everyone realized what it's like. Thank you.

[PieceofMe]

Originally Posted by LucyD

I have been wondering for a long time how to tell potential significant others about me having mental illness. I've had a bad response from one person who said negative things about having PTSD. I don't have anything to do with him anymore as he was a big jerk to put it mildly. lol

I have gad and pretty much act crazy with insecurity. So basically I'm insecure about being insecure. Anyways, I think this is a good question to ask. I worry about ( worry ) about whether or not it's best to tell someone about that or not. I have abandonment issues so I don't know if that will scare them off or keep them a little longer.

When I told this girl I was with about my schizophrenia she was mad that I didn't tell her before we got with each other. Then she just stopped answering my texts and ignoring my phone calls. When I eventually spoke to her she broke up with me and said "how do i know you're not gonna flip one day and kill me". I didn't even know what to say to that...

[trjtaskmaster]

I would not disclose any information so soon, being that he is only a potential suitor. When yku knkw more, ghen you'll know what you can or can't tell him or what he can or can't handle emltionally. Hope that helps.

Sent from my SM-T530NU using Tapatalk

Originally Posted by unsure123

When I told this girl I was with about my schizophrenia she was mad that I didn't tell her before we got with each other. Then she just stopped answering my texts and ignoring my phone calls. When I eventually spoke to her she broke up with me and said "how do i know you're not gonna flip one day and kill me". I didn't even know what to say to that...

I am sorry for that. I am just curious: for how long were you with her before disclosing this information?