How do I tell dad I'm going for SSD when he's a "work or die" type?!

About two weeks ago I lost yet another job because of my BP and erratic behavior. Panic attacks all the time! I'm sick of this up and down roller coaster with jobs. Then when I get fired I get insanely depressed and don't get out of bed to even clean for almost a whole year. Well when I told my pdocs my plan for SSD they agreed that I qualify and that I should go through with it.

And then there's my dad. I have my own house and he lives right down the street but I can't bare to be around him right now. Everytime I see him it's "are you off those crazy meds yet?!", "did you find another job?!" He's a work horse. Always owned his own companies and just lived to work. When his business has no work he gets depressed (he won't admit to having any MI or His own alcoholism, ever). I'm sure everyone might wonder, "why doesn't he give you a spot in the family business or help you out?" Good question! Living in his house growing up I HAD to get a job the moment I was legal to work. His way or the highway! Always! His name is also on the deed to my house and I'm on the line to lose it. He refuses to loan me even $10 when I'm starving. He will never help me out so turning to him for help with my house is off the table. He believes in tough love but I get that. Whatever. He was there, at the appointment when I was a kid and diagnosed BP but will never accept it. He thinks I'm always "drugged up" but my meds do not get me "high". They just make life a bit more live able for me. He doesn't get that. He laughs when I try to explain. Just an hour ago I went there to see my sisters new kitten and he sees me and says "we need to talk!" No "hello how are you." Nothing. Then we go in the garage (the man cave) and he starts about how he's going to sell my house on me and then has the nerve to say "so where are you going to live? You're going to be homeless!" I can't take it. I left within 5 minutes and went home huffing and puffing. I want to be able to see my family and spend time with them. Not be bombarded with these questions and negativity. I do understand that he does stay up at night stressed about it. You think I don't?! Hah! I haven't slept since I lost my damn job! I get it dad!

So what do I do?! He won't even let me get a word in so I doubt he will ever accept that his daughter is disabled from a MI that he doesn't even believe in!

Sorry most of this was letting off steam. Thanks for reading and thanks in advance for any replies or advise!



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It really stinks reading how dismissive your father is of you.

He doesn't need to be involved in the submission of your application, right?

He doesn't sound like he'll change, at the same time, it's your housing that sounds in limbo. But hey, if he's the title holder, sounds like he's also responsible for the mortgage, is he not?

Not sure how you could go about buying time between loss of your job and your application decision and housing?

Looking for validation and support and compassion from him seems unlikely. Some people can never be what ideally they should be. He's just not " that" dad. You have my compassion and understanding.

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Im sorry but we can not tell you what to do. I can tell you what ...I.... would do if this was me...

if this was me I would contact community organizations that can help with paying bills, food and such. there are many community organizations like churches, salvation army, st vincent du paul, good will, social services\department of human services and others that can help with free food pantries\food shelves, vouchers for food and utilities. If this was me I would also be talking to the bank or other that holds the mortgage and where I am making the house payments to work out a better payment plan, and if the home was too much for me to handle the payments I would be looking for a smaller more affordable home or apartment to rent rather than own so that I would not get into a huge financial bind dealing with the upkeep that is required when one owns their own home. I would also be looking into this new program called a reverse mortgage. And for me I certainly would not allow someone to hold me and my home ransom \over my head. if they are on the lease or paperwork I would give them the option of buying the home and be done with it, moving myself and my belongings to a home that I could afford on my own. (as you can tell I have been through this) I also would not be in contact with those that caused me undo stress. I live in america that means as an adult i get to choose who I am in contact with or not. if I was going through what you have posted I would not be going to their home , i would not be answering phone calls from them and I would not be allowing them into my home.

my point what happens in this situation is up to you. but this is what I would and have done in my own life.

I suggest you call a real estate attorney in your county, who doesn't know your dad, and get some free advice from them. If you both are on the deed, you dad might not be able to sell the house out from under you. Also, if you have a MI and are not of 'sound mind', there might be some legal issue in whatever contracts you have. Just ask the attorney about what you can do to protect your interest in the house and if you dad can put you into the street.

Hi RX:
I replied to another poster a couple weeks ago. Your situation may be different, but this is what I think you should know about SSI/SSDI:

Anyone who wants to apply for disability should know what they're getting themselves in to. This is not a unique situation. You will wait an interminable amount of time and will be denied one or more times. All of this for a few hundred dollars per month, which for most, is not nearly enough to live on. You might get section 8 housing. Have you ever been to a S8 housing facility? In the meantime, you're either getting into debt, living with family or friends and jumping through lots of hoops. Buyer beware it can take several years to get a determination.

Thanks my grand. I'm aware of all this and I've questioned it many of times. I had a lawyer before and was awarded for a "closed period" of disability and yes it's a hassle. I think my last job was me "trying" to work it out and well look how that ended. I'm at the end of my rope and I don't think I can go through another firing squad of fellow workers treating me like garbage after they witnessed my little attacks. I knew right away I was walking on eggshells and people where looking for a reason to can me... Which just followed to more attacks. It's a cycle for me and I just don't think I can ride it again.

Edit to add this.. I'm having a panic attack right now (no thanks to my stimulants. But I don't take them every day). I've been going through sleepless nights and panic attacks since I lost my job. And it's either with tHoughts of getting fired or losing my house. I spent one of the day's throwing up because I was physically so exhausted. When I do sleep I have reaccuring (sp) dreams about me getting fired... Over... And over. What a let down I am to everyone. This time was a record... I lasted 2 months there. Only 2 months. I literally have PTSD from getting fired?! I need to go back to therapy. It's overdue.

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