Totally and completely let down by family

I have been feeling really let down lately by my sister.
I'm always there for her when she needs a babysitter or wants company, I always pick up the phone when she calls and reply to her texts.
But when it comes to me, it's like I'm invisible, until she needs me. She never answers my calls, or returns them, she doesn't text me back, and she uses my love of my nephews to manipulate me into doing what she wants.

I've spoken to my T about it because my biggest problem is saying no. When I was 15 I ran away from my mother's house due to my stepdad, I moved into my dad's house where my sister lived. We've always been close, more so after my first nephew was born. 8.5 years into the future to this day, I feel a building sense of resentment towards her. I babysit at least 5 times a week, and even if I've had an awful session in therapy, it doesn't matter if she needs a babysitter. She'll beg me to pick the children up from school because she's busy and there's NO ONE else to pick them up, says she'll be an hour and doesn't show up for 6 hours. She guilt trips me and manipulates me because she knows I'd never see those boys upset or neglected in any way shape or form.

Trying to explain I've had a bad session, or no sleep or a flashback means very little to her but when it comes to her emotional wellbeing it's a matter of family knowledge. It's my sisters show and I'm just a part of it. I was diagnosed with PTSD, BDD, anorexia, depression, and blackout disassociation. When I have a bad session it usually means I've been unconscious due to a form of disassociation, or like anyone else, it was a particularly hard topic or day. I've tried talking to my sister, at this point I don't even want her support, I'd just like some recognition that I am in fact her sister and not an unpaid, overused babysitter.

How do I say no to my sister when she doesn't listen or seem to care about what's going on in my life?

* I have tried to say no on one occasion and I failed miserably. I would've been responsible for the children not going on vacation so I caved.

First. Demand payment.
She'll be less likely to stick you with 6 hours.

I've mentioned it before but she thinks Internet and food is currency.

I was diagnosed with BDD and anorexia, I have no interest in eating and I seldom use the Internet. My problem is I can't demand without backing down once she starts pushing her agenda.

Just wondering... Did you post about this in the past? I swear someone had the exact same issue before lol. But if not then anyway... Watching the kids 5 days a wk for 6 plus hours is pretty much a full time job! Omg id demand payment and maybe even compensation for the passed times! I know it's hard to say no to her because those kids are your nieces or nephews but it's like she's using you because really, you're letting her do it. I mean, is she out having fun that whole time?! I'd be mad! She's straight taking advantage of you. But I will admit, you remind me of myself. I have a hard time telling anyone, especially family "no". When my brother needs a ride or a few dollars, guess who's there to save the day?! So I do get it! It's hard to stand up especially to family but you're working a full time job babysitting and not to mention you're always there for her too. Just take a deep breathe... Either tell her "no" or "how much are you going to pay me for it". Good luck Hun!

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No I've not been a member here before (I only found this site recently).

I know I let her do it and I think that's part of my frustration. My latest tactic has been avoidance, which hurts because I love my nephews but I need some space or I fear ill explode the next time she asks me to baby sit.

I need to learn to say no and not back down. But I already resent her for taking advantage or me, and I'm annoyed at myself too.

it's so hard when nephews and nieces are involved. and I'm sorry you are going thru this. family can really suck at times.

mine is kinda the opposite though - I'm invisible almost all the time! I would love to spend more time with my two nephews or my baby niece, but my two sisters don't include me in things. as if it takes too long to send an email or a text or do a phone call?!

and my younger sister just got engaged in November, with a wedding date set for july. and I haven't been told jack from her!!! the only way I knew the date of the wedding was my mom had written it down on a piece of paper for my Grandma (who is 95) and I happen to see it when I was there visiting her. and I didn't even know where it was gonna be until I got the invite in the mail a month ago! otherwise nothing. she can't even keep her own sister included on the details of the biggest day of her life?! anyways...

maybe try turning your phone off for a phone, so you don't get the texts or messages. just take a "me-day"! don't let the distractions your sister uses on you invade your day. tell yourself you are doing it FOR your nephews, cuz you don't want them to see you explode. and if you get worse, it doesn't help anyone in the end.

just remember, you have to take care of yourself - one way or another...

That's NOT babysitting.... You've become their primary caregiver, for free and without even discussing it first!


I too cannot for the life of me say no to certain people, I can however ignore my phone, block their number for a few days, or pretend to be busy.

I have a sister much like yours, while I love my nieces dearly, I no longer allow her to take advantage of me, and I don't reply to her immediately, nor do I initiate every convo.


I'm done with one sided relationships.

Your sister doesn't deserve you, and she needs to learn how to look after her own damn kids.


You seriously need to take a step back and have dedicated me-time in order to increase your self care, before you implode or explode.


Do it for you and the boys.

Thank you. I do it all for my nephews, it's what I tell myself all the time. My phones been disconnected and I can't make calls or texts I can only get incoming so I've put the phone away. I have a reason to ignore the team ts but she's showing up at my door because I can't say no in a text.

Hiding in my own home with the lights off is pathetic I know, I can't avoid her but talking go her goes in one ear and out the other. To save myself exploding and screaming g and shouting g I'm avoiding her.

Thank you.