Stressing about visiting my home town.

Over the past year and a half the toxic relationship I had with my mother came to a head. She offered to come help at the end of my pregnancy, like an idiot I said yes and it was bad. She tried to run my house, started her paranoia with my daughter, treated my husband like an outsider/ the enemy. She was projecting on him. She is not healthy mentally, she has a lot of issues to get through but refuses to get help. She doesn't believe in mental health, therapy or anything. She says it's all just an excuse. Anyways it all came to a head one night when I stood up for myself and my family. I didn't go no contact right away but after my sons baptism I had to. My mother has this voice she uses when she thinks she's better than someone, I started calling it the cat woman voice when I was little. My husband went up to her to say hi give her a hug try and smooth things over. She used it, he said enough and she turned right around and walked away. My husband lost it cursing the whole way up the church. Well my mothers story is my husband came up pretending to be nice and called her a wench.... He called her the C word in his frustration so I don't think he would call her a wench, if he was gonna start something he would have. I'm just so over her drama, I have tried to smooth things over enough so that I have some relationship with her atleast 5 times each time she twisted what happened to make herself look good. I sent her a message saying our relationship had to change I'm an adult I have to worry about my family first, (my kids my husband) I even apologized for ever complaining about my inlaws or my husband to her. She printed out the message and told everyone that I told her I'm not her daughter anymore and I have to focuse on my real family... My inlaws... Then she told my step father that I was out of line for wanting to be her equal.... I'm 28 I've been married for 6 years I have 2 under 3 I have lived in 2 different states (husband is in the military) how the ***k am I not an adult! In what world am I still a kid?

In this past 18 months my mother has wound up my sister so she has attacked me verbally many times. I rebuilt our bridge just because she had her first child. I'm going home this weekend gonna try and see my sister and her daughter but I am sick thinking about how this weekend will play out.



Sorry for the long post mostly a vent. I just feel like i have done all I can it's their turn but they aren't going to. I've been to therapy released after a year, I've done toxic parent research, I've admited what I did wrong, I've been no contact. I just still feel like a piece of crap.

Wow.. Ok. I am never married and don't have kids (bf has 2 kids and one lives with us tho). Only thing is our age and parent relationships. But I'll give this a shot lol. I would stay away from your mom. There is no good there from what you have told. She reminds me a lot of my father and I try to stay away from him especially lately. I did go over there yesterday only to leave within 5 damn minutes upset! So no more. I can't handle his controlling, critical behavior in my mental situation right now. And like your mom, he doesn't believe in MI, meds, therapy ect. He thinks all my problems are simply in my head and that I'm using my MI as an excuse to fail in life. And you don't need the stress! You seem like you're doing great yourself and being around her isn't going to bring anything positive!

Your title says you're stressing about visiting home though. You said a little bit about your sister. But if she's not going to add anything positive to your life either then I would leave the relationship to phone calls only. But if you're trying to mend bridges and she usually doesn't act like this then sure, give the visit a try but maybe stay at a hotel and not her home? That way if things do go bad, you have somewhere to escape to. I hope I helped somewhat and good luck!

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