[summersover]

If anyone read the thread I posted here the other day, you'll know that I'm currently engaged to the love of my life.

Unfortunately I am not monogamous and I crush easily, so I'm falling for another guy right now.

I've crushed on one other guy since I've been with my boyfriend, but it's slowly slid out of view, thank goodness. Most of my crushes are purely based on sexual needs, and nothing else. I have very little romantic desires from other men. My fiancee is the only guy I want to be very intimate and romantic with.

So recently, I've been chatting a lot with a guy I met from Germany. He has a way of talking that I just love. We met through the same forum that my boyfriend and I met through, and he's even friends with my boyfriend and they play video games online together.

Anyways, more and more each day, I can feel myself liking Phil more and more. He's got great taste in music and is even a DJ and writes his own songs.

I have moments where I fantasize about talking about sex with him. I can't really do anything, since he's in Germany anyways. The thing that bothers me is the guilt I feel for thinking about it and checking my messages all the time hoping to hear from him.

Part of me wants a little romance with him, as well as sex talk. It's like I get high just thinking about him or talking to him. He's amazing.

It's like I have all this love in my heart that I want to give to everyone I know but I have to give it all to my boyfriend. I like that, and I love him, but I just want to give others a little bit of it. Not too much, but some.

Unfortunately, my boyfriend gets mad even when I joke about having sex or marrying another guy.

Anyways, I just wanted to vent here a little about how I'm feeling. I really hope that's okay, I know there's not much room for discussion. Maybe.

Also, one thing I should mention, is that whenever I get close to a person, I always start to freak out and think that they hate me. It's really weird. Like...as soon as I feel that I begin loving someone, I start believing that they hate me and that they're going to abandon me. I know it's weird, but it happens with everyone I love. Even my boyfriend who I've been with for a year now, sometimes I think he doesn't really love me and that he'll leave me. But I know in my heart that he won't. It's really complicated. I hope I was able to explain it okay.

[divine1966]

I am confused how he is a love of your life if you are interested in other men. I just don't get it. He clearly isn't love of your life if you like other guys. I see this a lot on PC. People say they have a bad marriage yet their spouse is their soul mate. How is it even possible? Why are you engaged to him?

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[Skeezyks]

Hi summersover: Yes... emotions are SO complicated! I'm old enough, at this point, that affairs of the heart are no longer of much relevance to me personally. But, when I was young, fidelity was not exactly my "long suit", as they say... And I'm afraid I made some very bad choices along the way. Some of them still haunt me to this day.

One thing that I wish I could have done, back then, was to view what I was doing from the perspective of: how will I feel about this when I'm looking back on it in 10, 20, or 30 years? Perhaps if I could have looked at it from that perspective, I would have made different choices... I don't know... But, at the time, I was so wrapped up in what was going on at the moment that I wreaked much of my own life & those of a number of other people as well... people who deserved infinitely better from me...

So perhaps there might be some value in your trying to visualize how you might think, later in life, about the choices you're making now.

[Trippin2.0]

Maybe you're just too young to be thinking marriage right now.


Just because your bf is a very good fit, doesn't translate into him being "the one"...


Just because you've met "the one" doesn't mean you're ready to settle down with him.


I strongly urge you to slow down this wedding talk, before you wreck 3 or more lives...


There's no rush to the finish line.

[summersover]

Thanks everyone.

I'll be honest...I don't really want to get married. Not right now at least. But I feel so safe with my fiancee. He's the only one I want to be with like that. I can't imagine being with anyone like that with him.

Like I said, it's just lust with these other guys, there's nothing more. I love my fiancee too much to leave him for someone else.

I understand the lust part, but when you say you aren't monogamous but in a committed relationship, it means that you aren't really sure about yourself yet. Now people can be in strict monogamous, serial monogamous, polyamorous and open relationships (I'm not sure if there are more). You can choose any, but once you choose, I think you are agreeing about the rules of the relationship.

[Artchic528]

Summersover, I am firmly in the belief that marriage should be done solely for the purpose of wanting to be together in a committed, monogamous relationship for the rest of your lives because your both madly in love with each other. It should never be for convenience, or to "feel safe". That's just a recipe for disaster. Besides that, you're so young still. If you don't want to get married, then don't. You're not being fair to yourself, or your fiancé.

[summersover]

I told Phil how I felt about him.

He says he doesn't know what he feels, but we've been flirting, so I guess he feels the same but just doesn't want to get in the way of my boyfriend and I.

I told my boyfriend about everything and he was really sad, but we worked it out, and I can feel that the crush is sort of dying down, which I'm really happy about.

I've come to terms with the fact that I had a crush. A lot of the friends I talked to about this said it's normal, and with everything that's happened, I've come out of it loving my boyfriend even more.

Thanks for your input too, guys. I really appreciate it.