I kind of had an anxiety outburst again this morning with JD. It was just a quick reaction to something he said, and I was immediately like, "Argh, no, stop. I'm sorry. It isn't about you..." I'm stressed to the max re: work right now, and I am having an unusually difficult time with anxiety, and keeping the cognitive distortions at bay. I have so many in my brain that I can't sort them out. And I don't know what to do. I've tried meditating, exercising, walking, I just sat on the beach (it was cold and windy)... But here I am, still with this knot in the put of my stomach, scared that with every interaction, I'm pushing him further away from me because I'm so anxious about other stuff I'm not acting in a very pleasant manner.

It really is mostly my job. It used to be that was the one constant, stable thing in my life, and now there is a ton of uncertainty, and there will be a huge transition, soon. Things are inherently uncertain with JD because whatever we have (a relationship? A good friendship? A flirtation? What?) is so long distance. I trust what he says. I do. I trust his affection for me. But I don't know for sure that there aren't others with whom he has similar correspondence, and I couldn't really be mad, because there is no understanding of exclusivity. To demand that would be silly. But...I can't compete with someone else, and I don't want to. I'm anxious because I am afraid to put myself out there further because what if his feelings don't really match mine? They seem to, but I am also the one asking to visit, I am the one asking to Skype, and etc. He has a lot on his plate and is often out of energy by the end of the day, but so am I. I guess...I guess I just need something important to me to have some certainty. Does that make sense? And I feel like I'm just getting more clingy and more demanding. And I'm beginning to dislike myself for it...even though, when I am feeling good otherwise, I feel good about him, and he's a super bright spot in my day.

I asked, "Hey...are we good?" He says we're good, and I believe him. I said maybe we should limit our work hours chatting because, while my job sucks the life out of me right now, it shouldn't also suck the life out of him as well. I thanked him for being so even-keeled, but said that being my sounding board isn't his job and I didn't want him to bear the brunt of my stress.

I'm told all of this stress and emotionalism is normal for someone in my position at work (a new grad). Add to it baseline emotional struggles and the fact that I am going through another transition on top of the initial transition, and it's just...argh. I am starting to cave a little. A friend of mine in the residency ahead of me ended her long term relationship because she and her boyfriend just couldn't weather the stress. So on one hand, I shouldn't totally beat myself up; I'm dealing with a lot. On the other hand, knowing this, I worry about the future of JD and me.

[divine1966]

Honestly until you two meet I would try not to get too much involved and I would probably want to meet ASAP. I wouldn't want to spend more than few weeks/a month on talking to someone who might be a bad match in person.

I dated someone long distance, it was 6 hours drive. We've met few weeks after initial conversation and clicked, he drove to my town and stayed in a hotel . After that we made an effort on seeing each every 2-3 weeks. He was a wonderful man, very compatible. Our issue was that we both had teenage kids at home at least half the time and didn't want to get them involved too soon which meant we had to try to see each other when kids were elsewhere as we couldn't have quick dates like just go see a movie due to long drive.

Our schedules with kids and work hours were just not working and causing huge stress. He also had trouble with ex who started to demand full custody because he kept switching weekends around. We just couldn't go on and had to end after few months. It was overall a very sad situation. After that I never wanted long distance. It was just sad.

Saying all that I certainly know people for whom it worked but I would speed up Initial meeting

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Originally Posted by divine1966

Honestly until you two meet I would try not to get too much involved and I would probably want to meet ASAP. I wouldn't want to spend more than few weeks/a month on talking to someone who might be a bad match in person.

I dated someone long distance, it was 6 hours drive. We've met few weeks after initial conversation and clicked, he drove to my town and stayed in a hotel . After that we made an effort on seeing each every 2-3 weeks. He was a wonderful man, very compatible. Our issue was that we both had teenage kids at home at least half the time and didn't want to get them involved too soon which meant we had to try to see each other when kids were elsewhere as we couldn't have quick dates like just go see a movie due to long drive.

Our schedules with kids and work hours were just not working and causing huge stress. He also had trouble with ex who started to demand full custody because he kept switching weekends around. We just couldn't go on and had to end after few months. It was overall a very sad situation. After that I never wanted long distance. It was just sad.

Saying all that I certainly know people for whom it worked but I would speed up Initial meeting

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The work stress is just eating me alive, to tell you the truth. And I am attached to him, I'll be honest. I like talking to him. But I find it to be stressful and uncertain as well, when I don't need another uncertain thing in my life.

There is no way we can meet any sooner than the middle of June, if that. I have no idea what my schedule is past two weeks from now. Heck, I don't even know in what department I'll be working. He and I are trying to coordinate schedules, he is getting dates together for me, his ex is flexible when it comes to weekends, and I don't have children or any other commitments. And I don't mind traveling. I just wonder how long this can be sustained, and if I'm diving headfirst into a shallow pool. My job is flexible; I can go anywhere, and I can take a travel assignment right in his city, or a few hours away, which pays for my travel and housing. But it'll be a few years before I have the experience which allows me to do this.

I don't want to lose him, and I want to make a go of it. I just don't know how much I have to offer him besides conversation, and how long I can sustain this.

[healingme4me]

Long distance relationships are a trying experience. June isn't too far away to meet.

[divine1966]

June is coming up soon. And if you think long term you can just look for a job there, not necessarily be a travel nurse. If you have nothing holding you in your town you can eventually move.

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Originally Posted by divine1966

June is coming up soon. And if you think long term you can just look for a job there, not necessarily be a travel nurse. If you have nothing holding you in your town you can eventually move.

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I have absolutely nothing in my town holding me here except a few friendships (no best friends), and some family. But we aren't close. I would miss my friends, but as I've learned, you can make friendships anywhere. I have joined Meetups, am probably going to one or two tonight, and have made some friends that way.

I should have clarified my thoughts on travel nursing. I would need two years experience and my bachelor's degree, but I was planning on doing it anyway so that I could a) go out to northern California for a few months (because I love it there) b) visit some friends around the country as well as experience new cities c) maybe make a little money along the way. Travel nursing does pay pretty well, but it depends on where you go. They pay for your travel, housing, the hourly is typically higher, and they pay for your benefits. I thought about living at home, and taking a travel assignment somewhere within an hour's drive--I work with a nurse who is a "traveler," but she lives an hour away. JD lives in TN and my reasoning for doing it this way rather than just moving is because it's a lot of pressure for both of us to say, "Hey, I'm picking up my entire life and putting all of my eggs in your basket! Hope it works out!," whereas if I take a 3-4 month assignment, it doesn't put as much pressure. And there are always assignments. I can make a decision to move and take a permanent position at any time. At the same time, I can move there and still stay a traveler...because TN is a right-to-work state, and the pay is quite a bit lower than what I make currently.

BTW thanks everyone for talking me through things. I do appreciate your perspective and for keeping me grounded.

Things are still moving along. I think I'm finding that if I'm honest with JD about my thought processes rather than trying to control things based up on them, he's pretty open and responsive to that. Our conversations don't revolve all around me, btw, I focus on him as well.) He knows a lot of the anxiety stems from work. As I've said before, I think the fact that he understands how anxiety can be and knows that I'm earnestly trying to cope in a healthy way makes him very accepting of what I'm dealing with.