[linsin]

Hi, can someone give me some pointers on how to overcome this fear? I would really appreciate it. Thanks in advance.

See, I've been single all my 26 years of life,and ive got many close male friends around me almost all the time. They are so protective and so caring and loving that i am so content with them around.

My problem is that everytime someone is making an advance and would hint some intimacy, i either shoved them away or make some lame excuse for hîm tô lose interest on mè eventually. And i only do this even if it make me feèl lonely inside just to feel relîèf from the anxiety i feel whenevèr he is around.

Im really confused and it is so frustrating. I wanted to get this over with but i dont know where to start. My girlfriends doesn't get me and my male friends would just say maybe i haven't met the right one yet.

Love to hear from anyone.

[Skeezyks]

Hello linsin: Well... the Skeezyks is probably not the best member to be replying to your post since he is, in essence, an old man. But I saw that no one else had yet replied to your post, so I thought I would.

You don't mention, in your post, if you struggle with anxiety in other areas of your life too or if it is just with regard to intimacy. This may or may not make a difference. But it is, I would think, something to consider. From my perspective, I don't know if there are any specific pointers I could suggest. This is perhaps a tendency on your part that would best be addressed with a therapist who could help you to delve into why it is that you have this reaction.

Beyond that, since you are aware of your tendency to do this, I wonder if it might be helpful if you could learn to express this to your partner the next time you find yourself in this type of situation. If you could let your partner know that you have this concern, & possibly suggest some ways in which he could help you to feel more at ease (for example: take things slow & easy) this might help you to feel more comfortable. Plus it may make your partner less likely to become frustrated with the relationship, because he'll have an understanding of what it is that is going on with you. If you feel you cannot do this, then this would be another good reason to seek out the services of a therapist.

Basically stop looking for anyone, just treat everyone as platonic and if there is a genuine interest you will feel it first as well as the other party. Just be yourself and if you are not interested just say so. Period, that simple. And don't worry about intimacy, cause trust and friendship is intimacy and that is required before a bond or relationship can develope. Be kind to yourself and stop agonizing over what may be, just enjoy today... cheer up tc

[Bill3]

Have you been able to speak with a therapist about your fear of intimacy?