Separation Anxiety and Relationships

Hi. I have intense separation anxiety when I leave my friends and family on the West Coast and head back to my lonely home in COlorado. I have some acquaintances in the new place, but I am so lonely. Most people are married or coupled up, and I feel like a failure at age 44 in this arena. I get so attached to people, and yet I cannot attach to a romantic partner. I tend to either push people away who might be interested, or long for the unavailable charming guys. I feel a state of utter despair over my inability to find a relationship. When I am in a loving circle of friends, I don't feel the despair. I do have lots of loving friends on the West Coast, plus I am successful in work situations. I get along with people and have won 2 "spirit" awards at workplaces for giving positive energy to others. I just feel like there is something deeply wrong with me, that I am defective. I can't seem to shake this, and I worry that I project this to new potential partners. I am in therapy, and my dad left our family when I was 13 and died. I have severe abandonment issues, as you can see. Any thoughts?

Hello hawkeye123: The Skeezyks would simply like to offer his best wishes with the hope that you will be able to find peace in your life...

How do you know if you are a failure at this or if you just haven't found someone who fits? What if the issue is you are just not ready to settle. Many people settle in order to avoid being alone. That works for them. Maybe it doesn't work for you.

As an experiment, maybe it's better if you just look for a friend instead of a romantic partner. Then if something happens, it's just a lovely coincidence. You will always risk getting hurt or hurting someone else no matter what. But if you just seek a friend instead of a partner, perhaps it won't seem like a success or failure situation.