I'm not even sure where to post this. Sorry in advance.

A woman who was a second mother to me passed away recently. I haven't seen her in years so when I found out it was a surprise. My question is should I attend the funeral?

I really don't want to go but my mom keeps guilt tripping me. My mother says " you don't want to go out and I can't keep making excuses for you", That I should go to "show my respect because she helped raised me".

I keep thinking why I don't want to go and if my reason of not going are selfish. I'm not sure what to do.

Thank you for taking the time to read my thread.

[lineman1010]

I'm sorry for your loss ��. If she helped raise you and you feel like not attending is it bc of time btwn you and her that is making you not wanting to go?

[RomanSunburn]

My condolences on your loss.

If you don't mind sharing, what are the reasons you don't want to go? Are they things you could explain to your mom so she would understand why you don't want to go?

Funerals have a way of bringing up old memories, and for some, that can be very difficult, even if the memories are positive ones.

[s4ndm4n2006]

Originally Posted by bohemiangirl85

I'm not even sure where to post this. Sorry in advance.

A woman who was a second mother to me passed away recently. I haven't seen her in years so when I found out it was a surprise. My question is should I attend the funeral?

I really don't want to go but my mom keeps guilt tripping me. My mother says " you don't want to go out and I can't keep making excuses for you", That I should go to "show my respect because she helped raised me".

I keep thinking why I don't want to go and if my reason of not going are selfish. I'm not sure what to do.

Thank you for taking the time to read my thread.

outside of the statement saying that the woman was a "second mother" to you, to be honest, the method by which you speak in this forum asking whether you should attend the funeral begs the question as to how close you were to this woman actually.

Granted I am sure you respect her for helping raise you but the fact that 1. you are asking strangers on how you should handle this tells me that, you're expecting a standardized answer from the public. Which does not say that you really would be going out of your own motivation tbh but obligation.

Why do people attend funerals? For people attached to the loved ones that are gone, it is desiring to see them for the last time, and saying good byes. it's based on love and caring. For others, compelled by people to go, it's out of obligation, to make appearances, a statement, etc. After all the person who is gone won't even benefit at that point from your presence.

I would ask yourself why you would be going and examine the motivations behind them and consider why you have little motivation to go. This would be far more telling than a straight up answer from a large group of strangers on a forum.

I don't think whether you go or not, that either of the choices would be inherently wrong though. Please don't do it out of guilt though.

When I was 26, I had dream about a man who apparently loved me a great deal. He was the father of my ex-boyfriend. I knew he cared about me a great deal. And I hadn't seen him for five years. In the dream he was walking towards me on a dirt (country) road. He told me to tell them not to worry about him, he was happy. Then he said he had to go. He went in the opposite direction to where I went.

A couple of days later I phoned my ex-boyfriend, who told me his father was in the hospital dying. This man met with me in my dream, to say goodbye. He conveyed his message to me. I didn't go to visit him in the hospital. I didn't go to his funeral. Why? Because he knew I knew. I knew he loved me. I knew he wanted to say goodbye to me. I knew he wanted to say goodbye to me in his own way.

Funerals are for the living, they are not for the deceased. They are held to give the living a vehicle for closure and grieving.

People are in each other's lives for a reason. Once the purpose of that person being in your life is fulfilled, most people will drift apart. This woman played an important part in your life. My ex-boyfriend's father played an important part in my life. Going to see him on his death bed wasn't necessary. Going to his funeral wasn't necessary. Just say goodbye to your second mother in your heart and in your mind (when you are in bed and before you fall asleep). She will hear you. She will know. She will understand. If you don't need a funeral to say goodbye, then you don't need a funeral to say goodbye. Funerals are for the living, they are not for the deceased. If you don't go, it just means you are going to say goodbye to her in your own way.