Abandonment

I feel like no one will care here...because heck..no one knows me and what life has been like.

Kicked out at 17.
Stayed in a bad relationship...because it was better than no relationship.
Kids 30 and 27 not talking to me because I drank after not drinking for 8 years
Never see my grandchildren because I drank after not drinking for 8 years
Left my job of 19 years..making really good money and only hear from 2 people
Boyfriend moved in with me 2 years ago
Boyfriend doesn't work and doesn't pay any bills
Boyfriend is addicted to drugs
Fighting with my mother because we have communication issues

THEN..yesterday I go do my taxes and find out I owe 3000 dollars plus the 500 fee for them to prepare the tax forms.

Boyfriend...I tell this too....closes himself in room all day. I try to give the benefit of the doubt that he is a man...and they sometimes can be lost for words until they think about something for a while.

however, it would have been nice if when I told him...he hugged me or something and said...don't worry...you or (WE) will get thru this...I feel super alone with all these problems...I'm sitting on the couch....talking to myself on this thread.

I feel I deserve so much better from everyone around me...I haven't drank in almost 3 months. I am 52 years old...I have been there for everyone ALWAYS. I am in treatment for Major Depression. Nothing is working..it seems my world gets smaller and smaller.

But, I will keep putting one foot in front of the other today...to see what life brings me.....others have it worse I know that...but this feels pretty awful to me.

It feels pretty awful because it is.


Don't minimize what the stressors you're under and what you're going through, it wont do you any favours.


I may not know you but I care, I have huge abandonment issues and don't know how I would keep it together in your shoes.


So pat yourself on the back for hanging in there and not drowning yourself in the bottom of a bottle. Its awesome that you've held on to your sobriety through this rough time. Sometimes all we can do for the moment is to keep keeping on.


Please keep posting.

thank you for responding

I feel really bad for what u are going through. I had a rough start myself and I was kicked out at 16.

Are u in AA? I have heard they are very caring and supportive.

U left your good paying job, but are u still working somewhere? how are u making ends meet if u don't mind me asking.

Is the relationship with your bf codependant?

Please hang in there hun people here care!!

.

Yes, I left my good paying job due to chronic pain and mental frustrustration with everyone out to get me cause I'm 52. Doing wonderful for 19 years...and then the **** hit the fan. I took it for 7 years...and finally had a nervous breakdown. Now...I'm afraid to look for a job (honestly)...since I wasn't maintaining a pretty easy job...how will I maintain another job? I applied for social security disability...much to my dismay..I waited a year before applying for it....and I'm into the process almost 2 years. I do get a disability pay from my old job (but they will not pay past June if it is ONLY for mental illness)....

My relationship with everyone is CODEPENDENT...and I know that....and I have been co-dependent for many, many years...probably after getting kicked out so young...that with abandonment issues which is why I break up with everyone FIRST. But, I was in a 22 year domesticly violent situation too...so with getting my head beat in (I have a crack in front of my skull)...drinking...and regular life things (plus my youngest needed open heart surgery)....TOO much stress in my life...I feel like it is all catching up.

I was raped 2x when I was younger...one of those times I bore a son...so I am unable to tell him who his father is....it goes on...and on...

I know a lot of it is in the PAST....but I never stopped to think about a lot of stuff till I left my job....and then with drinking on top of it...I have myself into a pretty deep depression right now.

Thank you for caring!

After everything you've been through AND nobody having your back, its no wonder the faeces has hit the ceiling oscillator.


Be kind to yourself, everyone else I already giving you a hard time, please don't jump on the band wagon.


I'm glad you posted, sometimes just sharing your experience helps, I hope you will continue to do so.

Thanks "trippin"....I'm feeling like I am "tripping"...that is all I can think of. Today was just a hard day....thanks for listening.

You're most welcome, that's what we're here for


I hope things start improving for you soon