[adhav]

Hello, I am getting married this July to a wonderful person.I have had bad and abusive relationships before and i have seen my parents fight. Since two years i am single and I am enjoying life. But I am scared of marrying as i dont want to lose my independence. I dont want to fight.I am really scared about getting amrried.Getting pregnant would affect my job.I dont want to stop earning. though conceiving a child would be after 2 or 3 years.But still I am scared.Please help

[Trippin2.0]

So why are you getting married?

[divine1966]

Why would you lose your independence getting married? I am getting married but have no intentions to become dependent. As about kids you can wait. Or not have kids at all. Discuss this before getting married. Like if you want kids and level of independence you want discuss it etc and why do you need to fight? My parents fight their whole life to be precise my dad is very difficult. But it doesn't mean I need to. I am working on snapping less at my fiancée over mundane things but we don't fight. Both my brother and I are determined to not conduct our relationships the way our parents do.
You need to discuss all this with your partner before getting married like all pro and con.

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[healingme4me]

How long have you been together?

Are there any signs that there will be fighting in your marriage?

[eskielover]

The question of why you are getting married is important.

Also the fact that you are NOT discussing these issues with the man you are going to marry concerns me.

However I know that I discussed those exact things with the guy I was going to marry back in the early 70's when career & not having kids wasn't anything normal. The idiot agreed with what I was saying only to find out years later that he believed that I wouldn't feel that way after I got married. I NEVER changed.....but he never changed in his immaturity or his inability to communicate in truthful ways with me.

Yes, I fought because I hated not being able to communicate. I would try to talk to him & get looked like as if I were the one speaking a foreign language. When I would ask him why he did something he would come back with the childish response "I don't know" EVERY TIME.....or respond with "Whatever". By the time I left him I was seeing red every time I had any contact with him. Come to find out, he is the one with the emotional inability to connect & the inability to communicate as I realized I was dealing with someone who was ASD. I stuck around for 33 miserable years before I could finally escape but had escaped in my career for as long as I could.

If you truly want a good marriage, then YOU have to communicate with the man you are going to marry & you have to make sure he communicates with you in REAL communication ways that aren't just avoiding saying what truly is important.