Need ideas for dating my wife...

Hi,

I've been a not so good husband in the past. My wife and I struggled with intimacy problems early in our marriage, in large part due to me not knowing how to develop an intimate relationship or how to listen deeply, and in part to her mental and physical health problems. I used porn as an outlet for years, and lied and hid it from my wife. She found out about it, about 4 years ago.

After that it came out that she was emotionally and mentally abused as a child for years. She always felt like she wasn't good enough, and my actions confirmed it to her.

I hate what I did, and how I hurt her. I had no idea it would ever hurt her as it did. If I had one wish, it would be a time machine. I have so many regrets.

She has a lot of health problems these days that keep us at home often, and unable to go out. Her health can turn very suddenly and its hard to make plans.

She needs to feel like I want to date her and pursue her. I'm trying to figure out things I can do at home on very short notice.

Basically, when the opportunity presents itself, when her health is good, and we have an hour or more of quiet time, I want to surprise her with a date night.

Ideas??

To any wives out there... What makes a woman feel special, heard, pursued, appreciated? I handle most of the household chores and kid stuff already, so division of work ain't it! I need date ideas.

Thanks,

Bring home things from the store that she likes. Like chocolate/flowers? Write her endearing texts in the day. Call if you can to let her know you love her. Ask her what she likes, too. Asking shows youre interested in knowing what her interests are! Use the information that she gives you to surprise her later.

Also be willing to have conversations with her that show vulnerability and willingness to make things work.

Find out what she wants. Is it spending time or gifts or affection? Do what other person wants

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Have her take the love language quiz, that way you know which language she speaks and responds to best...

My old lady likes:

Breakfast in bed at the weekend - smoked salmon in scrambled eggs on toast since you ask.
Flowers - bunches of flowers make her very happy
Cleaning - a bit of hoovering, floor washing etc goes down very well

Good luck.

Well, here's the problem...

Her health varies greatly day to day. There's been lots of times I planned something, but had to shelf it because of health problems.

So, I put together a date box: fun girly drinks, an expensive bottle of wine, candles, table cloth, music she likes, picnic blanket and picnic stuff, nice skin lotion, movies she likes, and other stuff.

I keep some nice clothes pressed and ready to go, and some items she likes in the kitchen so I can even make a late meal on the spot.

Then, I made a coupon book, and presented it to her. I still plan date nights, but if there is a night that she is feeling good, and on the spot she wants some wine and dine romance, she just cashes in a coupon.

A date coupon immediately veto's any other plans, including gym, housework, meeting with friends, etc., and means, put the kids to bed early because we're dating tonight.

When I started reading this, this is the exact idea that popped in my end.

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Have you tried sharing your feelings with her, and allowing her to do the same? I think she wants emotional intimacy, too.

It took me a long time before I could tell my husband I cried about things.

The ideas you listed are perfect. Many include girl games that would have been around during her childhood ..like the dating game....life....hungry hippos....so she can experience some fun childhood memories too?