How usually do "normal" people assimilate in a new country/culture with a different language? Does any one out there experience some difficulties adapting in a new country?

My experience was different because I was a child.

Both countries spoke English, but it was actually rather traumatizing for me. I remember my dad changing who he was because of it...he became easily angered and showed his dislike of Americans to us kids.

So I would never move a child to another country (unless it would be a significantly better life for them, of course)

It's tough. I imagine it depends on the country and whether their view of where you are from is a good one.

An obvious point: You have a lot of interesting stories to tell, whether you think they are or not. You will be somewhat of a novelty in your new circle of friends. That is not a bad thing if you're trying on a new life.

Originally Posted by sophiesmom

My experience was different because I was a child.

Both countries spoke English, but it was actually rather traumatizing for me. I remember my dad changing who he was because of it...he became easily angered and showed his dislike of Americans to us kids.

So I would never move a child to another country (unless it would be a significantly better life for them, of course)

It's tough. I imagine it depends on the country and whether their view of where you are from is a good one.

An obvious point: You have a lot of interesting stories to tell, whether you think they are or not. You will be somewhat of a novelty in your new circle of friends. That is not a bad thing if you're trying on a new life.

Even though I'm open minded, I'm not sure if I can assimilate as I have basic human flaws for interactions, even within my own culture and language. I think, generally speaking, first generation immigrants suffer a lot. The older you are, the worse it will be, in my opinion. But for me I'm ready to bear this suffering if I know that I can find someone and settle down, and thus give the opportunity for my kids to be assimilated completely by growing up here. I guess the immigration policy counts on that after economy consideration. But I'm still curious about how people assimilate if they aren't born in the foreign country? I see foreign people are concentrated in communities, but I don't think this is assimilation, and I don't like it.

[Jan1212]

I did when I was a kid.

I went to ESOL moved up from the schools program as I learned English. We had no $ to afford new clothes. But there was always another child in school who spoke my language. I do have a teeny bit of accent

My parents are still having trouble with English. We had no money and lived in a small apt. We have a house in the suburbs of the city. I'm the first kid who went to college here. I'm doing well enough financially but mentally I'm scarred from events growing up. My parents are extremely old fashioned

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Originally Posted by Jan1212

I did when I was a kid.

I went to ESOL moved up from the schools program as I learned English. We had no $ to afford new clothes. But there was always another child in school who spoke my language. I do have a teeny bit of accent

My parents are still having trouble with English. We had no money and lived in a small apt. We have a house in the suburbs of the city. I'm the first kid who went to college here. I'm doing well enough financially but mentally I'm scarred from events growing up. My parents are extremely old fashioned

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How old were you at the time?

[Jan1212]

Around 9ish. I grew up secluded my parents shielded me from the new society. No family, no friends, no social skills whatsoever.

Now it's party every weekend! Just kidding 🎵🎉 I do go out from time to time. Don't judge me lol

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Do you consider yourself assimilated in the new culture? What about your parents are they assimilated?

[Jan1212]

Well I still hold onto family values like religion, I attend mass. however I married an all American person of whom I got recently divorced to. There are no men around me that's the same culture as me.. 0.1% population.

My family are all mixed from Cali Asia, South America, Africa .

I don't go too deep into defining what I should fit into culturally. But yeah I am "assimilated, like I wear business casual clothes. Wear designer clothes. Buy coach bags and shoes etc. I'm not sure what meausrement of assimilation. I guess influenced from friends, coworkers , partners which were of different cultures and races, religion . Did I answer your Q?

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Actually, I'm not sure how to measure assimilation. I guess it's the degree to which you are accepted in the new culture by adopting it?!! I'm not even sure how to adopt the new culture. I mean, I speak the language (kind of), I can learn about the traditions and history, and I embrace the western liberal values, but still I'm not sure how to fit in (beside my lack of social skills).

I wanted to know if there is someone in a similar situation, and if he/she feels the same way, and how he/she lives in the new culture. You were young when you went there. I was in my late 20s when I first came here. Even though you probably faced difficulties, but we are not in a similar situation as you grew up there, which probably gave you some advantage .

[hubieg]

I did it as an adult and my ex wife also did it when she came here.

In my case it was likely more easy. I had 14 days earlier finalized a VERY messy relationship (marriage) so I was basically a completely broken man. I also had the advantage though that I was "eased in to the new culture as I was in the military at the time. This allowed me to slowly adapt.

My biggest problem in the end, I wasnt really "at home" in either the American culture or my adopted culture (after 9 years). To this day I struggle with that (and I have been back in the US 19 years).

The very first thing you need to learn though is the local language. Without that you will become a miserable, paranoid person. I would even recommend you have at least a basic understanding of the language before you move there. Yes there might be many people who speak english, but you will never truely be accepted or understand the culture until you have a good grasp of the language!

[Jan1212]

Where are you? When I went to dorms for college, there were "people from the mountains" they are secluded from modern society and is made up of one race just letting you get an idea. I didn't feel like I fit in. At all. I moved closer to the inner city, I'm close to one of the most populous city ok I'll say it NYC. I settled in nyc suburbs. Nobody cares what you look like, people will make small talk on the streets. You walk out to the corner store get coffee, chat, then in 30 sec go home. At work you'll be forced to go out and talk. The more you talk the more people you meet, he greater chance of finding the right people for you. Overall, it's the area, the people, anxieties, insecurities. Yes there are people who hate me. But not everyone has to like me. I get told I should care about my appearance, then when I put on makeup I get called vain. People suck just do what you want.the whole world doesn't know. That person have issues she didn't deal with or idk what's wrong with them but I don't let it affect me or make me anxious.

If people automatically judge you, move on. discussing with irrational people are a waste of time. They are literally a speck of dust to me. Let them be miserable. You can't please everybody.

Ok good luck! Message me if you want talk

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I think that it's important to ask yourself where home is.

I find I have no answer to that question.

Originally Posted by hubieg

I did it as an adult and my ex wife also did it when she came here.

In my case it was likely more easy. I had 14 days earlier finalized a VERY messy relationship (marriage) so I was basically a completely broken man. I also had the advantage though that I was "eased in to the new culture as I was in the military at the time. This allowed me to slowly adapt.

My biggest problem in the end, I wasnt really "at home" in either the American culture or my adopted culture (after 9 years). To this day I struggle with that (and I have been back in the US 19 years).

The very first thing you need to learn though is the local language. Without that you will become a miserable, paranoid person. I would even recommend you have at least a basic understanding of the language before you move there. Yes there might be many people who speak english, but you will never truely be accepted or understand the culture until you have a good grasp of the language!

I agree the language is important. English is not the first language where I live, yet it's spoken fairly well by most people. And I guess my English is good enough to communicate with people. I think there are more dimensions to the challenge.

Originally Posted by Jan1212

Where are you? When I went to dorms for college, there were "people from the mountains" they are secluded from modern society and is made up of one race just letting you get an idea. I didn't feel like I fit in. At all. I moved closer to the inner city, I'm close to one of the most populous city ok I'll say it NYC. I settled in nyc suburbs. Nobody cares what you look like, people will make small talk on the streets. You walk out to the corner store get coffee, chat, then in 30 sec go home. At work you'll be forced to go out and talk. The more you talk the more people you meet, he greater chance of finding the right people for you. Overall, it's the area, the people, anxieties, insecurities. Yes there are people who hate me. But not everyone has to like me. I get told I should care about my appearance, then when I put on makeup I get called vain. People suck just do what you want.the whole world doesn't know. That person have issues she didn't deal with or idk what's wrong with them but I don't let it affect me or make me anxious.

If people automatically judge you, move on. discussing with irrational people are a waste of time. They are literally a speck of dust to me. Let them be miserable. You can't please everybody.

Ok good luck! Message me if you want talk

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People don't judge me explicitly, although sometimes when I go to some stores and official institutions I would be treated with a sense of contempt. Like sometime when I go a bank and approach the teller and I say "Hello" or "good morning" they wouldn't respond, especially if the teller is a young woman. Also when I say "Thank you" at the end, sometimes I don't get a response. But I cannot tell if these incidents are prejudice or just it was a bad day for the teller. I also once felt the security guard in a store was following me!!

Even though where I live is supposedly a multicultural city, yet I feel it's really not. People are just politically correct. It's not me alone, the other day I talked to someone from Colombia and he has been here about the same time as me (about 6 years), and he speaks the first language very well (with accent of course), yet he said he is not sure if he is staying because he also feels that he doesn't fit.

My challenge here is to find a romantic relationship, to be honest, as going back home and find someone from there isn't practical for immigration reasons. Also, I don't really have a community here (in the strict sense of the word), as we are very small in number. There is a community to a close country, but I don't think we have good relationship as there were some armed conflicts between our countries in the past.

Originally Posted by sophiesmom

I think that it's important to ask yourself where home is.

I find I have no answer to that question.

Good point. Actually, I don't feel I belong to this world. So, I feel a stranger where ever I go. Having said that, the outer situation here is better. So, at least I can live a stranger with a good job, freedom, and security. There is just one piece missing and I'm trying to find it

I didn't speak English until I was about 6 although I live in the UK. I didn't feel part of the culture because the language of my heart, our cuisine and customs are different. But I don't have an accent, am white, educated and middle aged, so it's a lot easier for me. I don't care now. I fit wherever I am. My parents never felt like they belonged, but we belonged to eachother. You make your own family, tribe and group. You take that with you wherever you go. There's no one place. I wish I knew that when I was younger. Good luck with your search.

Originally Posted by Little Cat

...You make your own family, tribe and group. You take that with you wherever you go. There's no one place. ....

Well said. If I had a family here, I wouldn't care. Most people who come from my country and nearby countries with similar culture come here already married and have their own families. They're happy now, and have children born here. I wasn't married, and now I'm thinking probably it's the biggest mistake I've ever made, because for me to have a family here now, I need to be assimilated some how, which is near impossible to me, and I'm not sure it will work even then. My second option is just to go back home.