[MikeNessMonster]

My boyfriend and I have been together for three years this month. In all honesty, ive been struggling with the thought that things arent going to work out for the last year. When we first got together I discovered that he has unresolved emotional issues and blows up in a verbally abusive rage from time to time. I was so enamoured with his good qualities that i told myself that I would stay the course and be understanding and hopefully be his rock and encourage him to help himself. Flash forward three years. I'm at the end of my rope. His rages have really done a lot of damage to my self confidence, my trust of him, and my feelings of closeness. He blew up at me two months ago, and I told him flat out that if he wouldnt go to counseling and show me that he was willing to work on it that I was going to have to leave.

He has no health insurance, so he needed to fill out paperwork first. He gave me the whole speach about how serious he was about it etc, but its been two months and the paperwork for insurance isnt even filled out.

Ive heard excuses such as "my baby mamas wont give me my sons SS#, so i cant finish the paperwork" "im working too hard" "im tired" "they were closed"

Im getting angrier and angrier at him as time goes on. If i were in his shoes and wanted to keep the relationship, I would be on it the next day. I can barely be around him lately because all my feelings are going to come out like word vomit because Im holding it all in. I want to have a conversation with him about it but im afraid it will set him off.

What do you guys think???

[Trippin2.0]

I think he's stalling, hoping it blows over, and you'll forgive, forget and move on.


But! That's could just be my past talking. I had a bf who begged and pleaded and cried on his knees promising to change for years.


Stalling and distraction was his MO, my mistake was sticking around. Things got real fugly in the end.

[PumpkinPieHead]

I was in a relationship like this. I found him FREE counseling and he would not go. When he asked me to go, however, I did. From this experience, I would just cut him loose.

Sit him down and tell him that you're at the end of your rope but you cannot tolerate this any longer. Give him 30 days to get into the counselor's office or you're packing your bags.

[MikeNessMonster]

Originally Posted by PumpkinPieHead

I was in a relationship like this. I found him FREE counseling and he would not go. When he asked me to go, however, I did. From this experience, I would just cut him loose.

Sit him down and tell him that you're at the end of your rope but you cannot tolerate this any longer. Give him 30 days to get into the counselor's office or you're packing your bags.

I would love to do this. Im trying to get up my courage to talk to him tonight. Im scared hes going to rage at me and miss my whole point. He gets very defensive and brings up things about what ive done that are fictional and name calls etc. Or he says things like "if you dont like me as I am you can just leave."

Im not even sure if itd be enough for him to start counseling at this point. Im feeling very resentful.

[PumpkinPieHead]

Originally Posted by MikeNessMonster

Im not even sure if itd be enough for him to start counseling at this point. Im feeling very resentful.

Well, that depends on just how much more you are willing to put up with. Counseling could help a lot, I'd hate to see you give up on something that is salvageable.

[s4ndm4n2006]

Originally Posted by MikeNessMonster

I would love to do this. Im trying to get up my courage to talk to him tonight. Im scared hes going to rage at me and miss my whole point. He gets very defensive and brings up things about what ive done that are fictional and name calls etc. Or he says things like "if you dont like me as I am you can just leave."

Im not even sure if itd be enough for him to start counseling at this point. Im feeling very resentful.

all entirely manipulation on his part. Rage succeeds in keeping you afraid to voice anything. HIs "not getting it" is an excuse possibly only of your own making but you may have reasons based on his acting like he doesn't understand... another manipulation. The "if you don't like me as I am you can leave" another manipulation he does not really want to have happen but is used because at this point he believes (or knows) you won't leave because of guilt of him passing the buck to you that you're not accepting enough of him or something

Fact is, no you don't like him as he is, the behavior needs to change or you do need to go. you've conditioned him for 3 yrs without consequence, he has no fear of losing you anyway.. But your choice is, you can continue to allow him to manipulate you into silence and submission (avoiding holding him to stepping up to the plate and changing his behavior) or you can really mean to walk away... but if you decide it's time to do so you have to mean it or don't bother saying it.

Decide, either way. Once you do. stick to it or it was never a decision.

"Im trying to get up my courage to talk to him tonight. Im scared hes going to rage at me..."

Pay attention to my words, please: This is not the way a relationship should feel.