My mother is making me feel bad about my boobs

black-roses · Apr 30, 2016, 10:05 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by divine1966

I am 34E or F. It's impossible to buy a bra this size so I shop for bras in UK. They have good bra stores. My poor daughter has 32G.
She might need a breast reduction because it hurts her back, she has to sleep in nightgowns with soft bra built in. The thing is we are small with narrow backs so we can't buy just big bras. Somebody decided that big bras are for big women so it's total mismatch. Like if you are F they think you need to be 42 but in reality you are 32. It's tough.

It's ok to not wear a bra if one chooses. I can't imagine showing up to work with no bra. Ouch

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Yeah, bra shopping isn't too bad in Australia I am like a size 10 in clothes so I get a size 12C just because a big size gives you slightly extra cup space. I am not sure about the UK but I like the bra sizing in Australia it exactly the same number as you would wear in shirts. I have a small waist so usually with bras I tighten the strap and at the back put it on the tightest.

black-roses · Apr 30, 2016, 10:06 AM

i usually do and she hasn't done it since I told her off

Apr 30, 2016, 04:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by black-roses

Hello guys, I am sick of my mother always telling me that my boobs are becoming soft and sagging down because of not wearing a bra. It is making me feel like **** and boobs honestly sag down it is expected after the surgery I had to reduce them. What do I say to her to tell her I don't want her making those kind of comments because I feel it is not necessary and I feel quite upset over it. When I do everyone just says I am being sensitive well you would to if you were practically shamed into hating your boobs because your sister was reminding you how saggy they were before surgery. Why are women so ****ing shallow I was shamed into feeling bad and embarrassed of my own body that it became an obsession a paranoia. Then what started happening is I started saying bad things about it and then I felt ashamed and hated my own boobs to the point of cutting them off. I am starting to feel that way again even though they are smaller now and not saggy my mother is just a superficial ***** who needs to shut the **** up. All boobs sag and yours are worse then mine but I never pointed out that yours had fallen or made fun of your uterus poking out of your vagina(she told me her uterus had fallen and was slightly visible from her vaginal canal). I know these are words but it is essentially bullying and abuse because it makes me feel like **** for something I have no control of. Before people tell me to move out I can't I have no job or money so I can't and when I try to leave she says I can't take care of myself like she can which has resulted in my "dependence life trap". Where I feel so useless and can't take care of myself but then I have issues with trusting people and letting them help me out because I look stupid and weak.

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Sorry to hear about how your mom is treating you. She sounds kind of like how my mom was and still is to me at times. I had no boobs back then, but she always complained about how I had a big stomache even when no one else ever complained about me being anywhere near overweight. Because of that I developed an eating disorder in my 20's. I'm over it now.

Don't let her negativity get to you. Have you tried wearing a sports bra or have you tried getting a bra fitting yet? Sports bras w/o wires can be supportive and not to uncomfortable to wear. Also, try bras w/o those horrible underwires. You need to get a bra fitting to find the right size for you.

I now have big boobs, so I need to wear a bra in public. If I don't, then I'm sure that I'd get some unwanted attention. So if you're like me, then you should think about that. There are also some nipple covers that you buy at Target that don't cost that much. It does sound like you need support though.

And I hate to say this, but some people, especially guys might get the wrong impression of you if they see you out in public w/o a bra on. Not being mean, just saying. People do judge unfortunately. It's best to stay away from anything that reveals to much cleavage. As for the goth look, I think that it's beautiful if it's done right. There is nothing wrong with wearing off beat colors as long as the color looks good on you, who cares? Wear stuff that flatters your body. Be your own unique self. If you try to fit in to please other people, you'll be miserable. Don't let other people suppress you.

You sound young, so now is the time to express yourself. I dressed up a bit goth to go to clubs at times. Not that much though as I'm lazy, but I did look different at times, not just with my goth look. Let stupid people judge. If they're going to be that stupid and shallow, eff them. You don't want or need people like that in your life. Find other goths to hang out with at school or on meetup.com.

Try to get a job, but always dress up professionally and wear a bra. Bring a resume and do research on how to conduct yourself during an interview. Be on time and and try to act confident even if you're not. Save up some money and get a roommate if you have to. You need to get out of there as soon as you can. It sounds like your mom likes you to be dependent on her. That's not healthy. She sounds mean and controlling. It's obvious that she wants you to be someone you're not, so the sooner you're out of there, the better.

black-roses · Apr 30, 2016, 05:41 PM

I am 20 so yes I am young. I am so tired of fitting her mold that I don't even know what my true identity is don't even know if I wear this clothes to impress or if I truly dislike it? I have never been alone and questioned and I want to get that chance to challenge the way I have been taught to be if it is truly the reason why I am so unhappy...

Chimney · Apr 30, 2016, 10:57 PM

I'm with michael77. Keep on like a calm and reasonable sounding broken record. Include "I am happy with my breasts just as they are" (if you are of course).
Personally, as a very plump G cup, I am incredibly envious of your reduction. Well done you!

I really do understand the limitations of beige, black , and white. Sigh. Oh to be able to wear some pretty underwear again.

Re saggy skin from post surgery. ....if YOU aren't bothered by it then that is all that matters.
Chin up, boobs out

and I wish you the most fun and most care free decade of your life.

black-roses · Apr 30, 2016, 11:29 PM

Yeah I am happy with the scaring which is not a lot and is going to fade into nothingness anyway. I think when she is being mean I will be like I'm not talking to rude people. I tried it today when she got very angry and started saying angry stuff about my quitar and breaking it if I didn't move it. Then she asked me if it was broken. I ignored her and she got pissed your not replying to me then I told her I am not talking to rude people. She got pissed off when I see people... She's like I am not just a stranger I didn't say anything. People is a general statement when your talking about other human beings so it wasn't like I was ignoring her existence. Sometimes I think gah what does she want from me?

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My mother is making me feel bad about my boobs

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