[Mid-Life-Larry]

My wife of 20-plus years started smoking MJ almost two years ago.
It didn't bother me at first when it was one joint in the evening to calm her anxiety and back pain. It has become an escape for her and now she is smoking at least 4 bowls a day. She hasn't had a job for over a year (barely looks for one) and is getting deeper and deeper into the "lifestyle". Different friends (stoners) who smoke for the "spiritual awakening". New age term for what we used to just call it 'getting high' back in high school.

When I point out her increase in use; she gets very agitated.
-- Bottom line, It bugs the **** out of me. She can't hold a job, can't make a decision; and becomes very lethargic. We are growing distant as she is becoming a very different person.... one that I don't like. Talking to her about this only ends in arguments..... I'm tired of fighting.

Not sure what to do next..............

[divine1966]

I am so very sorry for what you are dealing with. I don't really know what to do. It sounds terrible. For me it would be a deal breaker. Both smoking and not working. Do you have kids?

My fiancées ex wife never could hold a job, or just wouldn't get one and now he pays huge spousal support. Judge said he can't force her to work but she is given set number of years to get one but until then we pay her. A lot. We aren't rich. She is same age as us. We work and she doesn't. He even paid for her college degree when they were married in hopes she gets a job and and still wouldn't.

So be careful and protect yourself.

My colleague is married to a guy who doesn't work going on for 5 years. My friend has a daughter in law who wouldn't work and husband had to declare bankruptcy and she still wouldn't work.

Apparently it's common. Awful. Sorry I wouldn't live like this. StAy strong

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[healingme4me]

Cut off the funding then? If it's medical for backpain, isn't there a limit to quantity covered?

[hannabee]

I'm surprised you didn't mention the annoying issue of becoming stupider on pot. There is a reason they call it dope. My H smokes it for arthritis and talking to him is just about impossible when he is high. I don't know what to tell you, if you do come up with a solution, please let me know. Big hug for you.
P.S. He does work and doesn't smoke when he is working, so maybe insisting she get a job.....any job....might help a bit.

[Mid-Life-Larry]

appreciate all you're words/suggestions... !

[Artchic528]

I would put my foot down, tell her that it's either you or the pot. That and cut her off financially. She'll come around then.

[barbella]

Would couples counseling be an option for you? It might be useful to have a neutral 3rd party.

I don't enjoy being around high people myself, having grown up in an alcoholic home. I can understand this being pretty disturbing for you. I hope you are able to work something out.

[Chyialee]

My fiancé, aka Crazyman is on medical Marijuana Pgm -- and likes it, imho, a lil too much. He's always been a toker -- way back when we first knew each other at Univ, I just thought "OFW...." but that was decades ago, & to my ken the only periods of abstinence he had were when he worked for a very very hoity-toity company and his boss announced that random drug screens would now commence. Yeow -- he stopped cold for awhile -- and his ex moved out bc he was impossible to live with!
But. It works better for his PTSD, severe anxiety, Panic Disorder, and various other glitches, than any of the gazillion meds that had been tried over the years. He has atypical reactions to lots of things (ex: Xanax makes him manic and behave very bizarrely and self-destructively )

The issue I have is, I believe, similar to what I think you're saying: Like any other medicinal substance, it's possible to abuse/over-use it. And how we decide where that line is, imho, is that it's adversely affecting the ability to get on with Real Life.
In which case, it becomes necessary to Bottom-Line w/the other party involved. Who is supporting the cost of your wife's MJ? You, right? Since she's not working?

That's what it boils down to for most of us. Me: 'Dear Fiance, if you have a thousand-plus dollars to throw on your (Legal, jsyk) expensive preferred-strain of weed, not once but TWICE this month -- then how about some consideration towards help w/paying the electric bill??!"

Am one of the least confrontive people ever BUT cmon now!
That fight lasted 3 days.

I reckon you'll have to decide what's the goal for you -- and what you're NOT willing to put up with.

Good luck, friend.

Chyia :/