[black-roses]

<p>Sometimes our expections stop us from true love because sometimes what we expect to be right for us and how someone should treats us is not what would work for us. Sometimes you can't expect it to be right when it's wrong.</p>

I should write a book my mind is just coming up with ampify after appifiny

[eskielover]

Not quite sure about what you are trying to say here?

[Tr2mpl5d]

It doesn't pay to have any expectations because people will always disappoint. I gave years of my life, love and time to someone who wound up hurting me in the end. I always met their expectations but when my time came around to receive something back.....nothing was reciprocated and I mean nothing. People are not worth investing in.

[black-roses]

I am saying that my expectations of what I think love and what love should be like is two different things. My expectations are to high I am looking for a guy and ideal that doesn't exist.

[black-roses]

My expectations were to high because I was afraid of afraid of being hurt. Afried of being betrayed I made up all these standards and ideals to push them all away.

[Onward2wards]

Expectations are just the application of standards. It's fine to have standards. Things get disappointing when a person or situation doesn't meet those standards. Believing they will somehow magically change to meet those standards is wishful thinking. We can either try to effect change through negotiation, or conclude that we need something or someone different.

Everyone has to look at their standards to see if they are realistic, but at the same time some things are just non-negotiable.

[black-roses]

It's worse when you know someone is no good for you and you just can't look past what they did but then you still have feelings from them and you have a war inside and you hate yourself.

[eskielover]

When I knew someone was no good for me, I just walked away....no problem. I don't let my feelings get ahead of my logic......it's the point of using both your logical mind & your emotional mind & knowing not to let your emotional mind take control before your logical mind determines whether the relationship is good for you or not.....no need for war inside then.

I totally agree with Onward2Wards......expectations are Standards & standards that are realistic are GOOD & necessary or you wouldn't have any way of screening people who come into your life. No point in even allowing yourself to have any emotional connection with someone before you know they meet your standards & moral values.

[black-roses]

[QUOTE=eskielover;5287984]When I knew someone was no good for me, I just walked away....no problem. I don't let my feelings get ahead of my logic......it's the point of using both your logical mind & your emotional mind & knowing not to let your emotional mind take control before your logical mind determines whether the relationship is good for you or not.....no need for war inside then.

I totally agree with Onward2Wards......expectations are Standards & standards that are realistic are GOOD & necessary or you wouldn't have any way of screening people who come into your life. No point in even allowing yourself to have any emotional connection with someone before you know they meet your standards & moral values.[/QUOTE

I know I feel like I have a problem interpreting things because my emotions always impair me from my logic.]

[ididwhat?]

It's the unspoken expectations that are a big problem. Often we need to tell people what we expect of them to have any hope of getting our expectations met. Sometimes we have expectations and we don't realize that that's what they are: Our expectations. It's tricky.

[eskielover]

I know I feel like I have a problem interpreting things because my emotions always impair me from my logic.

The good part of the DBT is that it works on our getting better at this through mindfulness. Awareness of our thoughts at the present & being in the NOW. It gives us the time to get out logical mind working & acknowledging what it's thoughts are before ever taking any action. Both parts of the mind are in there but we have to learn how when our emotional mind seems to be the strongest, to stop & take the time to look at the situation & force the logical mind to do it's work. Definitely NOT easy.....but it is doable for everyone. Just takes time & practice & sometimes a good T to help us do the practice work by pointing out logical thoughts that we probably had but just didn't recognize.

[black-roses]

Originally Posted by ididwhat?

It's the unspoken expectations that are a big problem. Often we need to tell people what we expect of them to have any hope of getting our expectations met. Sometimes we have expectations and we don't realize that that's what they are: Our expectations. It's tricky.

Yes that helps it's important to also realise that people aren't perfect and not to be so harsh when they do eventually show there flaws.

[black-roses]

Originally Posted by eskielover

The good part of the DBT is that it works on our getting better at this through mindfulness. Awareness of our thoughts at the present & being in the NOW. It gives us the time to get out logical mind working & acknowledging what it's thoughts are before ever taking any action. Both parts of the mind are in there but we have to learn how when our emotional mind seems to be the strongest, to stop & take the time to look at the situation & force the logical mind to do it's work. Definitely NOT easy.....but it is doable for everyone. Just takes time & practice & sometimes a good T to help us do the practice work by pointing out logical thoughts that we probably had but just didn't recognize.

I have been trying to distinguish which one of my exceptions is part of my insecurities, weither what the other person said is true. If they also have a habit of lying and have a playful personality. I go way to much by what people say not what I think of the situation and what they said. I dont seem to trust my feelings of what I think they said. Like if I believe they were just trying to be arrogant and was lying to scare me I always believe the most paranoid thought that they did what they said. I don't listen to my intuition telling me they didn't do that.

[black-roses]

Maybe because someone said my feelings of a situation was wrong and I've been believing that ever since?

[black-roses]

I also seem to become so scared in the moment that I seem to forget the facts around me.