Who should do the traveling?

Go back and forth. You go this time, he comes to you next time. Or perhaps meet in the middle...rent a hotel that is halfway between the two of you.

He and I don't talk for more than 20 minutes at a time. I think that's perfectly reasonable. We chat throughout the day just about every day, but it's not constant. I think you may have him confused with when I mentioned my ex-fiancée, with whom I used to converse for hours on end. But, as I said in that thread, we were 22-23 years old (and that was 16 years ago). That's what everyone did back then.

And, he is a good guy. I really like him. He really likes me. I think I'm finally calming down with him.

It is totally worth it to me.

Five years! Holy wow...okay, I will stop being so impatient, haha.

I just didn't know it existed. I'm so happy to know how to do it. Lol. No judgements from me.

#Life is a beautiful lie#

I didn't think you were. I was thinking someone might say something, though.

How are you today? I haven't been on much today and I was thinking about you.

#Life is a beautiful lie#

I'm doing really well, thanks! I'm at work doing some independent education. Basically sitting and watching videos for hours (or reading, or doing competencies...stuff you don't want to do at home because you want to get paid for ). It's super boring but really educational and helps me with my job. All of the residents have to do it because there is so much specialized information relation to our different departments, especially ER and ICU.

How are you?

PS The fact that he's STILL putting me off regarding dates for me to come down there is really starting to frustrate me. Actually, I'm getting downright pissed off. I trust that he wants to see me, I just don't trust that it's his job he has to work around. I think he's giving things a little more time to see if I lose my shyt again before he makes a plan to either take time off of work and/or have his ex keep their son for a weekend. I get that. I just wish he'd be open with me (though, I mean, why would he if the reason is anything like this? That would defeat the purpose, hey?)

I'll admit I have sort of been bringing it up a lot, because I still don't know my schedule past two weeks from now. However, the other residents have gotten their weekend/holiday rotations, some have their permanent shifts, and all have their permanent assignments. I think I may be staying put for now, department-wise, and I am to talk to my boss and educator tomorrow so I should have my schedule set. I was hoping to be able to have dates to negotiate for time off at that time...but I won't. Oh well. I guess he'll have to take what I can give him and/or what I can trade others for. I really like him, I know he likes me, he's a good guy, but chatting with no end game in sight isn't really an option for me. But I'll take it easy and trust that he has an end game in mind...

I like to have things planned in advance also. My husband doesn't, at all. It makes me really crazy.

#Life is a beautiful lie#

I have a friend in my residency, who was also a nursing school classmate, whose parents live in the same state as JD. It is very much a southern state, with very much (she tells me) a southern culture--I, personally, have never been there, nor have I been to any state in the south except for Florida. (Which is odd, because I've been all over the US.) I'm taking the fact that he has a different, more laid-back way of thinking and doing things into consideration. At least I'm not freaking out, wondering if he wants to see me. I know he does.

One of my friends is from the south, I sometimes have to fib about the time of things so she will be on time. Haha! . Bless your heart is my favorite backhanded saying now.

#Life is a beautiful lie#

He's never said, "Bless your heart," but I do get "Just let it lie," (and imagine it with a southern accent, and you then see just how southern that saying is). We could be talking about, well, me coming down there and I could be getting feisty about it (which I haven't lately, but I did way in the beginning): "It'll happen. Just let it lie." Or we could be talking about his past, way back when I first got to know him over a decade ago. I could be asking him about a relationship he had back then, and run into a sore spot, "That's a subject for another day. Today, I'd rather just let it lie." And, of course, I never want to just let it lie, but once he says, "Let it lie," that's my warning that he's not going to pick it back up that day, and I shouldn't push it so...I, you know, let it lie.

LOL, I think I would like arguments with my husband so much more if he had a southern accent.

#Life is a beautiful lie#

I don't know, it can still be annoying sometimes. Like in this case. I just happened to see that he read the message I sent an hour ago talking about the fact that I'd be discussing my schedule with my boss probably tomorrow, but never responded. I'm trying not to get full-fledged angry about it, because there really isn't anything to be angry about. Just irritated.

"Who should do the traveling"... I'm just going to answer that question. I'd say whatever works for the both of you. My ex and I met online and lived 2.5 hours away. Our first meeting, we met half way at a hotel. Then the next time he came here and during our relationship I drove down there to meet his family. I don't necessarily think it's a guy or girl thing but it's about what's easier in the two of you.

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Well.

I think he's leaving again, so. It probably doesn't matter anymore.

I'm about to start another thread...

I'm sorry

hugs.

#Life is a beautiful lie#

I'm going to kick his behind when I see him He scared me. Something he said really did lead me to believe he was leaving. And then, when I started down the catastrophe spiral, he started dragging his feet and didn't call to discuss it because he got into a grumpy mood because I was pushing and pushing and he doesn't do well with that and then he was basically afraid I would lose my shyt with him... (this is how our badness started when we stopped talking for two weeks).

Anyway, long story short. I learned tonight that he doesn't like confrontation and will basically run from it unless you use a soft approach. I knew that he tends to avoid things somewhat, but it's to a greater extent than I'd thought. And I'm the opposite; I'm the kind of person who'd rather just deal with things and get them over with. I sent him a message kind of talking him out of the little shell he seemed to have retreated into/that I backed him into and then said, "However, this is a discussion for the phone, not text." He basically said,after telling me he'd call later, and making me think he didn't want to continue with this whole thing, he was tired and didn't want to talk tonight. I was like, oh no. No you do not...only not in those words. I was like, "You cannot just say certain things and leave them hang like that." He's like, "What certain things?"

Finally he broke down and said, "Look, I'm dragging my feet because you pushed me, and now I'm just hesitant because the other night you were moody, and I'm really not sure how the hell you'll react if I do call you and you hear something you don't like... But it's not like I have anything bad to say." In the end, it was absolutely fine. The only thing is that he doesn't have any free time in June or July to see me because he has dedicated most of it to spending time with his son--that was the initial comment, "I'm realizing I'm not reacting well with any demands on my time outside of my son. And that isn't your fault." And he thought I'd be really mad that the first dates he could suggest to me is the first weekend of August. It's far away, but I told him that meeting is not negotiable. I basically just need an endgame in sight, and he agrees. I'm okay with August.

We also briefly talked about confrontation and communication, and I told him that he is safe to say what he needs to say to me and I will make a commitment not to lose my cool with him. If I do, he can call me on it. I said that I may be upset by things he says sometimes, but that's life. I would rather him tell me the whole truth than have to go digging for it because the anxiety that creates in me just makes trouble for both of us, and I can usually sense when he's retreating anyway.

And I also told him he's in big trouble for scaring me .

It sounds like you can be intimidating and overbearing (not trying to be mean I apologize). Some guys get easily scared off by a strong headed woman who knows what she wants.

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Long distance is a major battle. My ex and I didn't make it, and we lasted for over six years. It's really difficult because you never know what the other person is doing and nothing is the same as actual physical contact. It's hard to know what a person is thinking sometimes even when you're standing right in front of them, much less when they're behind a screen.

I am not trying to upset you, but in my personal opinion he is stalling. If he is, it doesn't necessarily mean doom and gloom. There's a good chance he is just nervous. When you care so much about someone that's to be expected. Sometimes you think "what if he/she isn't attracted to me in person" or "what if he/she doesn't like my personality in person". So there could definitely be nerves there.

Or maybe it really is just hard finding the schedules. I think waiting all summer is a risky
move though. It seems like you two are already having some troubles. I would just be concerned if this back and forth would actually last that long. But you have to do what you have to do. There has to be some give and take here, and if it turns out you're doing all the giving them something isn't right. I'm not saying that's what is happening, but if he is serious about this he needs to man up and help find a time for you two to meet.

Best of luck.

I can be, and he knows this. He likes the strong personality. He doesn't have a weak one, but I think that he has a history with women who didn't treat him respectfully. It sounds like his ex-wife was pretty bad, and I know he was in a pretty long-term relationship with someone who he said "didn't treat [him] fairly." (He said she didn't like how he acted out back then, either, so it's not like he just blames the women.) Both women, it seems, had strong personalities. I think when we first started communicating, I had some problems coping with my stress and anxiety and I took it out on him. I believe this reminded him of some past experiences. This time around, as people who have read my threads know, I've let anxiety get the better of me only to quickly explain my thought processes. He understands, he is is a little wary. It's not because of me that he doesn't like confrontation. And I will never not have a strong personality. But I think that I need to be a little better about helping him to feel safe communicating what he needs with me. Just like he needs to be a little better about letting me into his head more often, and he indicated tonight that he understands this. As much talking as we do, I think it's a lot of quantity and not quality...but I can't force the man to have a deep conversation every night about how to communicate, and his deepest thoughts. Sheesh, that's a great way to make him run. Instead, I talk about silly or mundane things and, once in a while, this BS comes up. And it's like, ooohhhh we really don't know each other that well, do we? But now I know a little more!

And I thought for a while before letting him know that I was so frustrated, because I knew he would take it as me pushing at him. And he did. But I knew there was more to the story than just "I'm trying to work things out with my job," and I had to decide whether the friendship or my peace of mind/self-respect was more important. As I said, meeting up isn't negotiable; I'm not going to just chat indefinitely. So that's why I said, "I'm gently and respectfully letting you know that I'm very frustrated with you right now, and here's why:" I'm allowed to be upset about things. I'm just not allowed to be a B about it.

They are hard. But so are offline relationships. I am happier talking to him than I have been in almost a decade of talking to local guys, so I'll keep trying.

I thought he was stalling as well, that's why I got frustrated. He kind of was, for some reasons which we discussed a little. And also because he has pretty much every weekend with his son planned through June and July, or has things with his other job.

Like I said in my previous post, we have thrown the first weekend in August out there at this point. I don't know what my weekend rotation is, yet, (not that I can't trade) so I can't set it in stone, but it's penciled in for both of us. I'd have to wait until the second week of July at this point anyway; I have all but one weekend in June booked, I work Fourth of July weekend... so...

Maybe it'll never happen, and maybe I'm being delusional. I don't (so far) have much reason to think he's lying to me. I went on my little spiral tonight, which he acknowledged. While he retreats, which can be a problem, he has never given me reason to believe that, when he says something to me, it's a lie. One thing I can say about him is that he thinks before he speaks. I, on the other hand, have yet to master that habit.

If you are really okay with an August meeting, then that's what works for you. I wouldn't be comfortable with a meeting that far away, but that's me and my personality and not a judgment on what works for you. Maybe he is a little scared and extremely busy. Could be a little of both. What does your gut say?

#Life is a beautiful lie#

I believe if it was a long distance relationship and proposed by this person.. they should pay the cost. I personally can not handle anyone more than 20 mins away. Dating is hard. Good luck