[Truthseeker14]

I haven't been on here in a while. I've been going to a counselor regularly, I'm on 100 mg of Zoloft, and things have been generally looking up. Only, I'm still having trouble connecting with and relating to people.

There's a guy I've started seeing, for about a month now. And I know I like him. But sometimes, when we're together, I'll start thinking about all of his flaws. He's a little on the heavy side, he has a bit of a lazy eye, he can be socially awkward. And then I begin to doubt if I actually have feelings for him.

It's incredibly frustrating. This thought pattern makes me feel shallow, lonely. I think this is leftover loner behavior from my depression. I worry it will never go away, that I'll never let myself be happy with another person.

Some things I already do: force myself to think of good things when my mind turns negative, try to consciously settle into conversation, share a personal story with him. But at the core, there's almost a repulsion toward him. And this has happened even with guys I found really really attractive, so I don't think it has anything to do with that.

He could be really good for me. Can anyone relate? Or do you have any advice? I'm tired of constantly finding new, inventive ways to isolate myself.

[Artchic528]

If you're not 100% attracted to him, then let him go. It's not fair for either of you to keep dating a guy you're not completely into.

[curley]

If you are constantly thinking of "who he is" in a negative way. Maybe this man just is not for you. Maybe things you see as negative would not be foremost in your mind if you really did care for him.
I hope you can figure it out!!

[Nammu]

The good thing is that you are aware of what you are doing and can change. If you can keep reminding your self that the negative thoughts are interfering with your happiness and keeping to lonely you can succeed in changing them. It doesn't have to be this way forever although it might feel that way right now.

[healingme4me]

Maybe thinking of negative physical traits is masking how you feel about his personality? Maybe he is literally grating on your nerves?

One month isn't a significant investment of time. Maybe chalk it up to not being compatible?

[hubieg]

I would suggest some deep thought on this one. I have the same thing but have discovered that what mine is is actually a fear of getting close to someone else. I can be a real charmer and go getter when it comes to relationships. My problem is that once I get to a certain "depth" and begin to feel vulnerable, I panic and begin to sabotage it.

This sabotage can manifest in many forms from just being neglectful to outright hostility and even cheating. It is a very insidious manner that I didnt even realize until lately that I do. Also the closer they are and the deeper the feelings the more likely that "protection mechanism" seems to come on. It is difficult though to determine if their behavior is a "result" of mine or a "cause" of mine.

At this point all I really know is that the more important the relationship and the closer they get to me, the more likely I am to do something stupid to create "distance" or lower their expectations of me.

Just food for thought.