[cluelessgal]

I've slowly come to the realization that I actually find relationships to be a pain. People are incessantly needy. People are energy vampires. But when you are not in a relationship, you can simply avoid that person....walk away, stop taking their calls or yell "stop bugging me" on their face.

But when in a relationship, it just so PAINFUL to be with a person. You cannot walk away. You have to be available when they need you. You have to answer to them. You have to take care of their needs, likes, dislikes, whims and fancies.

For example, I have to cook dinner. I ask person A what they want. They'd say they want pizza. But person B hates pizza, they like pasta. Then I break my head to cook something that makes them both happy. But if I am not in any relationship....I can simply cook what I want or order from outside and move on to the next task.

Relationships involve some level of control and tweaking your life to suit theirs (and I'm sure they do that too) and I really hate that. I love having complete control over my life - right from when to wake up to what to cook to where to live to what to do. I feel like I can live with a person as long as it's not tainted by relationship and all that baggage that relationship brings. My ideal "marriage" would be living in separate houses 2-3 miles apart and meeting when we feel like - committed dating forever.

It's not like I hate people. I like helping others. I like making others happy. But in relationship you tend to take things for granted and somehow saying "no" doesn't seem like an option.

Is there something wrong with me? Or is there something wrong with me? Or do others feel that way too.

Yeah...relationships involve compromise, and accommodating for another person's needs, wants, desires, and etc, because you like and maybe eventually love them and want to spend time with them and include them in your life. And hopefully they do this for you, too, because they like and eventually love you and etc. I know married couples who have been together, happily, for decades, who have separate bedrooms (mainly because one snores or some other logistical or sleep issue, not an affection issue). You could also choose the committed dating thing; there isn't anything inherently wrong with that, as long as the other person is on board with it, and it's something that is clear early on. However, in order to date someone, you have to actually want to be with another person. From this post, it doesn't sound as though that is the case. Maybe you haven't found the right person, or maybe you've had some disappointing relationships (I've been there, and have felt similarly in the past) but until having another person around doesn't feel so...irritating, for lack of a better word...maybe being alone and enjoying your own company for a while wouldn't be a bad idea.

[Bill3]

But in relationship you tend to take things for granted and somehow saying "no" doesn't seem like an option.

You are able to say "no" in general, just not to those you are in a relationship with?

[divine1966]

Why saying "no" isn't an option in a relationship? I have no problem saying no ( within reason of course) and don't feel deprived of anything. Do you feel you need to be always agreeable when in a relationship? Always do what they want? Then you either are with wrong people or there is something you need to work on, such as building stronger self-esteem so you can say " no" and not worry about consequences.

As about the kind of relationship you want, no one says you can't have it. Many people date for life, many marry, many choose cohabitation and many stay single. There is no rule how things must be. It also depends where you are in life and what you want to do etc for example if you want kids you might not consider dating your spouse as the most convenient way to maintain your family, or if you want to live apart there might be no need to be married and dating is sufficient etc it all depends.

I generally don't find relationships a pain. If they become a pain I leave. No need to be in pain. It's ok to be single

Overall I tried it all in life : dating, marriages (soon marry second time), cohabitation, single parenting etc . Every situation had it pluses and minuses, pro and con. Choose what works for you. No rules really

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[LadyShadow]

You can always say "no" whenever you want. There is some level of compromise involved when you enter a relationship, but doesn't mean you have to settle for anything that you are uncomfortable with.

I am dating for life right now. I have a best friend that I will probably spend my life with. Its all I could ever hope for. Sometimes you just need a companion. Nothing more.