[s4ndm4n2006]

Ok I previously posted about the girl at the coffee shop I frequent. I know I'm going to start sounding like someone that keeps bringing the same thing up but I really honestly do not know how to interpret this.

Now I know this is a positive thing but is it a sign of interest?

Ordered my coffee and had gotten something for someone else in my family too so, unlike normally, ordered 2 drinks.

Coffee girl: "you're not going to drink both of these are you?"
Me: (laughing) "nooo, if I wanted that much coffee I'd just have you put the extra shots in there. No I seem to have gotten my family addicted too."

AT this point, she brings up my kids asking "so, how many kids do you have?" I told her. She points out that my oldest boy is "huge" He's almost 16 and about idk, 5'9 or 10" while I am only 5'2". Told her his age and she was like "wow" I said "I have no idea where he acquired this trait, probably his mother's side, she's 5'8" " she says "well that's not very tall, I'm 5'8"." I just remarked "well everyone's tall to me." Which she seemed to find mildly amusing. She then asked about my other son but I replied and I dunno if I replied correctly or what she was asking exactly because I don't hear very well and sometimes I misunderstand things.

Is asking about my family and details like that a hint in any way or nothing at all? She's never been this probing in her questions or comments to me, so it's new but I don't know if significant.

Anyway... the story goes on... :P

Yes, it could just be friendliness, I chat about my family life with some coffee shop staff I've known for years too (& my son is way taller than both of us so that always draws comment!).

On the other hand....

[s4ndm4n2006]

Originally Posted by prefabsprout

Yes, it could just be friendliness, I chat about my family life with some coffee shop staff I've known for years too (& my son is way taller than both of us so that always draws comment!).

On the other hand....

Thank you. It's hard because on the one hand 99% of the time, I'm very quiet, few words, I only respond when spoken to. In other words I've never been one to initiate too much. So I've been going there for years anyway but the part that makes me wonder is a few things have seemed more flirty than just questions about my family.. and that she's not always been this friendly.

[Mondayschild]

Coffee shops are tough. This situation would be so much easier in probably 15 other settings.

After she asked you questions, did you take that opportunity to ask her some questions?

Because her questions can just be chatty, especially if it's one sided and you don't reciprocate with questions or observations of your own.

#Life is a beautiful lie#

[s4ndm4n2006]

Originally Posted by Mondayschild

Coffee shops are tough. This situation would be so much easier in probably 15 other settings.

After she asked you questions, did you take that opportunity to ask her some questions?

Because her questions can just be chatty, especially if it's one sided and you don't reciprocate with questions or observations of your own.

#Life is a beautiful lie#

hmmm no. I suppose I failed again :P good point, what should I ask her if she's asking me stuff again?

[Mondayschild]

Originally Posted by s4ndm4n2006

hmmm no. I suppose I failed again good point, what should I ask her if she's asking me stuff again?

I don't think you failed, it's hard sometimes to think of what to say on the spot. I suppose I would've asked if she had children since she mentioned your son. If she does then asking about age and gender leads into that. I'm not sure what you already know about her so I'm just throwing stuff out related to the conversation taking place.

#Life is a beautiful lie#

[s4ndm4n2006]

Originally Posted by Mondayschild

I don't think you failed, it's hard sometimes to think of what to say on the spot. I suppose I would've asked if she had children since she mentioned your son. If she does then asking about age and gender leads into that. I'm not sure what you already know about her so I'm just throwing stuff out related to the conversation taking place.

#Life is a beautiful lie#

I only know that she works there and is cute asf. XD

[Talthybius]

I also feel I almost always forget to ask questions back. And I always wonder if that makes me come across as self-centered.

When someone asks me "How was your weekend." I always feel someone is attacking my comfort zone.

To me, if someone asks a question like that, they have through it through and they have a goal. Be it that they are trying to be inclusive, or they are trying to know you better and they are honestly interested.

I can't tell if other people just do it because they can't help themselves and they are social creatures. Do they even listen and file away the answer? Do they realize I think about why they ask what they asked?

What should you ask? Whatever you are interested in the most. But then again, maybe you should ask that whatever you think she is most interested in in talking about.

Maybe to truly connect, you need to figure out their self-image and their internal values. What do they pride themselves on. Then, compliment them where it hits home for them the hardest.

How? No clue.

Sounds like she's just a friendly, chatty employee keeping the customers happy.

[s4ndm4n2006]

Originally Posted by lolagrace

Sounds like she's just a friendly, chatty employee keeping the customers happy.

ty. hate to make a mistake and find out that's the case the hard way XD

[Talthybius]

She works there? She is paid to be friendly to you. In that case, it doesn't mean anything until you know otherwise.

[s4ndm4n2006]

Originally Posted by Talthybius

She works there? She is paid to be friendly to you. In that case, it doesn't mean anything until you know otherwise.

well yeah but they all are very nice, not to the level that she is though. and she hasn't always been this chatty with me which is why I got curious.

[Mondayschild]

There is no certainty to knowing until you start showing an interest in her and seeing how she responds. It would be great if she just took the pressure off and stated point blank that she is interested, but rarely is it ever that easy.

#Life is a beautiful lie#

[Finniky]

Originally Posted by s4ndm4n2006

well yeah but they all are very nice, not to the level that she is though. and she hasn't always been this chatty with me which is why I got curious.

There's no way to tell based on this one conversation wether she likes you.

However! I've worked in retail and now at a hotel, so I work with customers/guests. I do not chat it up with people I find to be creepy, unpleasant, or unfriendly. So it probably means she thinks your normal/likable. that's atleast one good thing, right?

chat with her some more on your visits and see how it goes.

[s4ndm4n2006]

Originally Posted by Finniky

There's no way to tell based on this one conversation wether she likes you.

However! I've worked in retail and now at a hotel, so I work with customers/guests. I do not chat it up with people I find to be creepy, unpleasant, or unfriendly. So it probably means she thinks your normal/likable. that's atleast one good thing, right?

chat with her some more on your visits and see how it goes.

Thanks yeah this was kind of a follow up to another post that I can't find now :P related to earlier interactions with her but yeah I know it's at least that I'm personable

[s4ndm4n2006]

Originally Posted by Mondayschild

There is no certainty to knowing until you start showing an interest in her and seeing how she responds. It would be great if she just took the pressure off and stated point blank that she is interested, but rarely is it ever that easy.

#Life is a beautiful lie#

I know it's never that easy although my first wife was so obvious it wasn't even friggin funny which is why I actually did hit on her. of course then again, ummm we lasted 1 + 6yrs married :P then she cheated on me so hahaha that's neither here nor there. >.<

[Mondayschild]

Lol. Getting back into the "dating" scene has to be tough. A friend of mine, who is very socially awkward is on some dating sites and he is always frustrated that it starts off so well and then dims out. So I asked to look at some of the emails and he sent them all to me. The one theme was present, they would ask him questions and he would answer and go into detail. If there was a theme to all of the emails it was that he wasn't asking questions or returning the interest. They ran out of things to ask because it wasn't a conversation, more of an interrogation due to the nature of the correspondence.

I could lie and give you a happy ending to this, but I won't. He didn't take the advice and things continue continue on in the same pattern.

Right now she could very well be interested in you being she knows more about you. But you don't know much about her.

Maybe try something a little easier. When you see her, give her a nice smile and ask how how she is? . Her responses likely will give you questions to build off of.

#Life is a beautiful lie#

[Moogieotter]

I agree with friendly. Did she ask your marital/relationship status? How would you respond if she did?

moogs

Originally Posted by Mondayschild

Lol. Getting back into the "dating" scene has to be tough. A friend of mine, who is very socially awkward is on some dating sites and he is always frustrated that it starts off so well and then dims out. So I asked to look at some of the emails and he sent them all to me. The one theme was present, they would ask him questions and he would answer and go into detail. If there was a theme to all of the emails it was that he wasn't asking questions or returning the interest. They ran out of things to ask because it wasn't a conversation, more of an interrogation due to the nature of the correspondence.

I could lie and give you a happy ending to this, but I won't. He didn't take the advice and things continue continue on in the same pattern.

Right now she could very well be interested in you being she knows more about you. But you don't know much about her.

Maybe try something a little easier. When you see her, give her a nice smile and ask how how she is? . Her responses likely will give you questions to build off of.

#Life is a beautiful lie#

When I was on dating sites this was, without fail, why I would stop corresponding with someone. Either that, or the email/text volley would just go onnnnnn and it's like, come on, are we going to meet or nah?

Anyway, point is, I second this. I can be a bit socially awkward with people I don't really know, so I understand it can be hard to get into the rhythm of asking follow up questions, and etc. I have a hard time discerning whether she's interested just from your posts, but friendships build interest, you know?

Do you like different kinds of coffee drinks, or do you stick to just one? If you want to try something new, ask what her favorite drink is to make, then ask her to make it for you so you can try it. Sounds silly, and I'm just throwing it out there, but hey, it sparks a conversation.

[~Christina]

All my life I worked in jobs that required me to be friendly , first waitressing and then the medical field.

Coffee shops really have become tricky. I initially thought coffee shops were great as there wasn't a blaring band and booze involved ..

I think its possible that she did want to know a bit about you .. questions about your son ? Has she met him before? Hell, maybe shes interested in him.

I say just pick out a few questions that you might ask her next time you see her. Rehearse them so they are more comfortable to speak...

Maybe ..

You must get tired of being here all day .. do you enjoy going somewhere else to enjoy your coffee... add in a chuckle here ( I wouldn't take that as a creepy question )

[Nimportequoi]

Let me just say the title of this thread has style.

[s4ndm4n2006]

Originally Posted by Mondayschild

Lol. Getting back into the "dating" scene has to be tough. A friend of mine, who is very socially awkward is on some dating sites and he is always frustrated that it starts off so well and then dims out. So I asked to look at some of the emails and he sent them all to me. The one theme was present, they would ask him questions and he would answer and go into detail. If there was a theme to all of the emails it was that he wasn't asking questions or returning the interest. They ran out of things to ask because it wasn't a conversation, more of an interrogation due to the nature of the correspondence.

I could lie and give you a happy ending to this, but I won't. He didn't take the advice and things continue continue on in the same pattern.

Right now she could very well be interested in you being she knows more about you. But you don't know much about her.

Maybe try something a little easier. When you see her, give her a nice smile and ask how how she is? . Her responses likely will give you questions to build off of.

#Life is a beautiful lie#

Thank you for this, although internally I know that my situation and how I am perceived may be very similar to your friend (answering but not really having a two way conversation) it helps to hear it. It is hard to figure out how to go about pushing the conversation, it doesn't come naturally but I know that I need to if I am to glean any kind of information related to her level of interest.

As for the asking how she is, I have run that through my mind over and over then the time comes when I'm there and nothing comes forth from this mouth of mine. Seems to refuse haha.

Another thing that I thought of from your response here is how she has asked me how I'm doing sometimes. The casual "...and how are you today?" seems to me to be more friendly than the stamped out "hey, how are ya?" that is said to every other customer but I know my brain is trying very hard to hope for something and is noticing every little thing.

Yeserday I went in and she was walking with drinks to other customers and walked past me and it was like a "oh hi!" with a big smile as she passed me. Anyway... ty for all your input, I am trying here. hopefully will gain some courage.

[s4ndm4n2006]

Originally Posted by Nimportequoi

Let me just say the title of this thread has style.

Hahahaha I like to be more interesting in my post titles when I am able

[s4ndm4n2006]

Originally Posted by Moogieotter

I agree with friendly. Did she ask your marital/relationship status? How would you respond if she did?

moogs

I'm guessing, as I am able to and have talked quite a bit with the manager and owner about my life that maybe she knows? but didn't ask, no. If I were to be asked, only honesty would do. for better or worse, my situation is me. It is where I am and if it's going to be something of an obstacle I'd rather know it up front. I'm not one to hide stuff when trying to connect with a possible mate.

[s4ndm4n2006]

Originally Posted by Ruari

When I was on dating sites this was, without fail, why I would stop corresponding with someone. Either that, or the email/text volley would just go onnnnnn and it's like, come on, are we going to meet or nah?

Anyway, point is, I second this. I can be a bit socially awkward with people I don't really know, so I understand it can be hard to get into the rhythm of asking follow up questions, and etc. I have a hard time discerning whether she's interested just from your posts, but friendships build interest, you know?

Do you like different kinds of coffee drinks, or do you stick to just one? If you want to try something new, ask what her favorite drink is to make, then ask her to make it for you so you can try it. Sounds silly, and I'm just throwing it out there, but hey, it sparks a conversation.

agreed and the idea of different coffee drinks actually has crossed my mind. speaking of which I am reminded of one of the reasons I have been thinking she may like me, the one time (one of the first times I'd started going for more than just straight espresso) when she gave my blended drink to me she said "this was made especially for you" smiling at me as she did.

back to the point, I will try this... again, if I can get the B***S to do it hahaha