[Bongo&]

I've been with my girl for 3 years.

In the last year things have been falling apart and she always says I'm not there for her when she's feeling down. I love her more than anything and don't want to lose her but feel I can't do anything right.

She called me tonight and was upset and wanted to talk (I was asleep as have work in the morning) and when I said I couldn't talk for long she got really mad and kept telling me I don't show her I love her and that I've proved I can't be there for her. Does she expect me to just sit and talk for hours when I've just gone to sleep? Ive said she can call any time of the night but I still have a job to go to in the morning.

She says I have no empathy and don't seem interested in how she feels. I do find it hard and I just don't know why. She takes this any gets mad telling me I always say 'I don't know' about something that's hard to discuss between us. She feels I'm hiding feelings from her about something deeper and keeps saying over and over that I know why I can't answer things and why I say 'I don't know' but she's convinced I just don't want to tell her

I'm so confused, I need an insight into a woman's mind as I'm always wrong

[~Christina]

Well .... This is tricky situation as for right now its kinda damned if you do and damned if you don't.

Yes partners should be there for each other .. But there are limits..

If she is having trouble with feeling down alot then she would benefit from seeing a therapist....

Hard to do but a sit down and agree to calmly discuss the problems really needs to happen. In the past when things were really hard for my husband I to verbally discuss we actually emailed each other, it helped in a couple ways. For one we could hit that backspace button and we were able to get everything out we wanted to say and then the other was given time to think and respond. Once things were really out in the open we could sit down and focus on what the real issue was not the "in the heat of the moment" stuff

She needs to understand that you have a job and need to rest to be able to do your job. does she work?

This should kinda fall into " unless the house is on fire most everything can wait until you can both discuss things.

Welcome to PC

[Artchic528]

Dump her. She is emotionally blackmailing you.

I think that it is reasonable for you to tell her that You can not have a serious conversation with her late at night, when you need sleep. I think it would be good for you to tell her, what you told us.

[Crazy Hitch]

What was the issue that was so important that she had to speak about it in the middle of the night? If it was some sort of personal crisis, sure, you could have spoken to her but if it was just to blabber about things well then no you had a right to say you were going to sleep.

Sounds as if she's going through a few things with regards to feeling down and is projecting it onto you.

I think she reads too much into stuff that simply isn't there. She's overanalysing things perhaps. Insecurity on her behalf?

Either way you two don't seem to be seeing eye to eye and she is feeling some kind of 'void'.

I kind of sit on the fence as to suggesting what to do about it.

You can either view it as 'it's in her head ... it's her issue'

or

Work on strategies that help her feel a bit more secure. But that could be a hit and miss if her self esteem isn't there.

[Bongo&]

Thanks for taking the time to respond to my post.

I went out tonight with an old friend who I hadn't seen for years, female friend if that matters and she's now mad that I can stay out late with someone else but not talk late to her on the phone?

Who's in the wrong because I only wanted to catch up with and old friend

[Bongo&]

Thanks for all who replied

She said she was worried about 'us' and was upset and needed to talk to me but I was just too tired, should I be made to feel bad?

Also an old female friend who I've not seen for 9 years recently got back in touch and we went for a drink tonight. Now she's mad I can stay out late with someone else but not talk to her late when she wants to

My head is spinning. Am I in the wrong??

[ReddSkyes]

Originally Posted by Bongo&

Thanks for all who replied

She said she was worried about 'us' and was upset and needed to talk to me but I was just too tired, should I be made to feel bad?

Also an old female friend who I've not seen for 9 years recently got back in touch and we went for a drink tonight. Now she's mad I can stay out late with someone else but not talk to her late when she wants to

My head is spinning. Am I in the wrong??

I don't know how you should feel. Maybe she was trying to guilt trip you, maybe she really feels that way.

Your girlfriend says you are not there for her when she's feeling down. Is this true? Have you asked her HOW she wants you to be there for her?

Is it true that you don't have empathy for her, or that you're not interested in how she feels?

Have you recommended she find a therapist to talk to?

Just some things for you to think about.

[handheart]

Womans mind are to dificult myfriend and you never can understand .This girlfiend of yours must accept it that you have a serious job and you feel tired .I encourage you that you speak with her and explain the situation , i advise you to listen her problems but tell her that you cannot speak hours because you are tired from job and you must pe prepared for another day you are not a robot

[Lotus57]

No matter what you do you won't be able to make her happy in the state of mind she's in. You're only going to get pulled in all directions. She needs to be alone for a while and learn to sink or swim on her own because she's clinging to you for all her emotional problems that you aren't responsible for. It's not your job to make her happy, she has to be happy and bring something to the relationship instead of sucking everything out of it