[galeckifan]

am so upset, my friend from church made a FB post about moving to my town from her neighboring town and closer to my church and where I live, and that she was looking for a roomate. I got a notification that she posted this, looked at it but later saw that the status was gone. I asked another mutual friend if she could still see the status and she said yes. And a few days earlier she had posted pretty much the same thing about wanting to move to my town only it sounded less definite. The status she posted then hid from me said she was excited to be able to move to my town and closer to my church and that she was looking for a good roomate and not just anyone. Why would she hide that status from me??

[scorpiosis37]

Probably because you have a history of asking people to give you rides to and from church, and she doesn't want you to ask her now that she lives closer to you. Did you ever talk to your pastor about this issue, like he asked?

[Crazy Hitch]

You need to have a think about your own behaviours and acknowledge what motivates people to do this ...

Is it even worth having her on facebook then?

Probably not.

[A Red Panda]

What advice did your pastor give you about the women from church? I'd suggest following his advice.

[galeckifan]

Originally Posted by scorpiosis37

Probably because you have a history of asking people to give you rides to and from church, and she doesn't want you to ask her now that she lives closer to you. Did you ever talk to your pastor about this issue, like he asked?

But she has given me rides many times before. And yes I talked to the pastor about this and he said I need to arrange a ride ahead of time

Originally Posted by galeckifan

But she has given me rides many times before. And yes I talked to the pastor about this and he said I need to arrange a ride ahead of time

People have the right to change their minds.

If she doesn't want you to see the post, she doesn't want you to know about it.

If they don't want to give you rides, stop asking them.

If they don't invite you to hang out, stop pushing the issue.

Just because they may have given you rides or said they were your friend once upon a time does not mean they are interested, now. A ride or a FB friending or a hangout or an exchange of "we are friends" is not a contract set in stone forever and ever to be your friend forever. I'm sorry. You have GOT to understand this. It will make life easier, and you'll feel hurt much less often. These girls are not interested in you.

Try looking for friends outside of this church group. Maybe Meetup.com has some groups you'd be interested in?

[galeckifan]

Originally Posted by Ruari

People have the right to change their minds.

If she doesn't want you to see the post, she doesn't want you to know about it.

If they don't want to give you rides, stop asking them.

If they don't invite you to hang out, stop pushing the issue.

Just because they may have given you rides or said they were your friend once upon a time does not mean they are interested, now. A ride or a FB friending or a hangout or an exchange of "we are friends" is not a contract set in stone forever and ever to be your friend forever. I'm sorry. You have GOT to understand this. It will make life easier, and you'll feel hurt much less often. These girls are not interested in you.

Try looking for friends outside of this church group. Maybe Meetup.com has some groups you'd be interested in?

So youre saying she no longer wants to give me rides and no longer wants to be my friend? why does she no longer want to give me rides or be my friend?

[A Red Panda]

We aren't her, nor have we seen your interactions or really know you.

From what I've learned from your posts - you over abused her kindness in giving you rides. You get angry and upset that she isn't offering to be your chauffeur. You get upset if she doesn't include you in things. You seem to basically stalk her social media activity. She isn't comfortable talking to you about stuff and has gone to your pastor.

There are zero signs that she wants to be friends with you, but you seem to believe you should be treated as one of her best friends.

[divine1966]

People have rights to choose who they associate with. When people let you know they are done with you, it's unwise to continue bugging them. Sure it hurts but you got to find strength in yourself to leave people alone when they are obvious and clear that they want space from you.

In fact continue bugging people after they want to be left alone, can result in unfortunate consequences. She already talked to pastor about it. She clearly isn't willing to deal with it. Please leave her alone. Don't check what she is doing on FB etc

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Well my first thought is that are you misconstruing an aquaintanceship as a friendship?

I don't like hurting people but this had been going on far too long and I feel compelled to speak my mind.

You have a problem.

People have been giving you very good advice but you seem to be choosing to ignore it. Instead of looking within, realizing and acknowledging your own responsibility for creating the relationship situations around you, you are instead blaming everyone. Yes, you ARE creating this mess, BUT you can also create positive relationships too! It all begins with taking responsibility. It means acknowledging that a relationship is about give and take. If you expect something of someone you MUST do something for them in return.

Here are somethings I have learned from my CBT...

Write out for yourself a 'Creedo'. List off those things you recognize about you and your personality. The list should include those things that aren't so positive. Now, look at that list. How can you make the most of the positive? Are there thiings about the negative that you can make an agreement to change? Can you set yourself plan to do so?

Make up an Evidence For/Evidence Against chart to examine some situations in you life. For instance, Evidence For people avoiding you/Evidence Against this. It should be easier now to draw up a plan to enact change.

Consider a difficult situtation you are dealing with - like being unable to catch rides to church. What is the Worst case scenario. What is the Best. Now list off the Likely scenario. Is the likely case so bad? How can you deal with it? Regarding the worst case; make a plan of action. Also, is it so bad? For example if you can't get a ride to church then maybe finding a local church is the solution.

[ComfortablyNumb5]

I agree with all above posts. Very good advice here. You need to take it and find a new church, new friends ect. You need to learn to stop expecting things from others and to stop injecting yourself where you're not welcome. These people clearly don't see you as a friend

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Trippin2.0]

How old are you?


Do have friends outside of church?

[Bill3]

I am interested to her that this person has given you rides many times in the past. What is your assessment of her/him: how much do they seem content to do that, and find you fun to be around?--versus--how much do they seem resentful?

[Lost_in_the_woods]

My bff n I made a rule along time ago that we would never live together or work together...cuz we knew that we are like family and both moody n dysfunctional and would end up tear each other to shreds over small annoyances. Is it possible she hid it from u cuz she didnt know how to tell u that she doesnt want to ruin the friendship u already have... maybe she thought u wouldnt understandvor it would cause a blow out to discuss it. Idk. Just another pov to consid er.